I've had some fun with trending hashtags on Twitter in recent weeks. Here are my said posts, ordered from the most popular to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) Blasey Ford: "Norepinephrine," "Indelible," "Sequela," "Hippocampus"
Kavanaugh: "Boof," "Ralph," "Beer," "Ahhhhh!," "Waaaaah!"
#KavanaughHearings
1,814 Likes, 595 Retweets
2) Dear GOP:
This isn't jury duty. Kavanaugh doesn't need to be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. This is a job interview for an incredibly powerful position. Given the man's anger, drinking, dishonesty, & sexual improprieties, he doesn't deserve the job.
#KavanaughHearings
1,525 Likes, 423 Retweets
3) Kavanaugh: "I'm a good, nice man. I don't get angry. Do you hear me?!? I DON'T GET ANGRY! I DON'T GET F*CKING ANGRY, OKAY? Oh, and I love Jesus."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
1,320 Likes, 429 Retweets
4) Dear Congressional Republican fathers:
If your daughter came home to you crying, claiming a man, against her will, got on top of her, grinded himself against her, and placed his hand over her mouth, would you believe her or ask, "Where's the proof?"
#KavanaughHearings
1,031 Likes, 397 Retweets
5) Dear GOP (Greedy Old Perverts):
Bringing up Dr. Ford's fear of flying only harms your case. Last I heard, airplanes constitute as examples of enclosed spaces. Dr. Ford fears enclosed spaces. This was caused by Brett Kavanaugh's rape attempt on her.
#KavanaughHearings
623 likes, 196 Retweets
6) Kavanaugh: "I love and respect women more than anyone else in the world. Shut up, Ms. Feinstein! I'm talking here and am gonna yell at you some more! You see how much I respect women?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
455 Likes, 160 Retweets
7) What we can surmise from today: Brett Kavanaugh is a bully; drinks more than Norm Peterson from "Cheers;" might as well be nicknamed Mr. Entitled; and if he could only bring one thing to a desert island, it'd be a calendar.
#KavanaughHearings
449 Likes, 114 Retweets
8) Grassley: "Do you need a break?"
Ford: "No. I've been through attempted rape. I think I can handle this."
Grassley: "Do you need a break?"
Kavanaugh: (a gif of a man bawling)
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
415 Likes, 129 Retweets
9) Anyone else notice Brett Kavanaugh's friends simply "don't recall" certain events, as opposed to flat out denying they ever took place? It seems they've all come down with a serious case of Jeff Sessionsesia.
#KavanaughHearings
371 Likes, 92 Retweets
10) I asked Republican fathers what they'd do if their daughters came to them with a similar story as Dr. Ford's. Sadly, roughly 1/2 of them said, "If she waited as long as Ford did, I'd be suspicious." ...and they wonder why more victims don't come forward.
#KavanaughHearings
282 Likes, 93 Retweets
11) Dear Mr. Kavanaugh:
A Supreme Court Justice is just a job. If you are prevented from attaining said job, your life won't be ruined. Attempting to rape a woman, now that's ruining someone's life.
#KavanaughHearings
274 Likes, 75 Retweets
12) Kennedy: "Do you believe in God?"
Kavanaugh: "Yes"
Kennedy: "Well, that's good enough for me."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
267 Likes, 78 Retweets
13) GOP: "We're going to nominate a sexual predator for president, nominate another sexual predator for the Supreme Court, and then claim all the women are liars or deserved it. Oh, and the War on Women is a hoax!"
#Kavanaugh #Snark
241 Likes, 97 Retweets
14) New poll: 54% of Republicans think Kavanaugh should be confirmed regardless of whether or not his accusers are telling the truth. Let me repeat, a majority of Republicans don't care whether or not Brett Kavanaugh attempted to rape women.
#Kavanaugh
196 likes, 137 Retweets
15) Kavanaugh: "I never passed out from drinking. I fell asleep from drinking, but never passed out. I've closed my eyes and rested during the afternoon, but never napped. I've driven faster than the speed limit, but never sped."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
244 Likes, 73 Retweets
16) "You said you had to piece things together from that night. Doesn't that imply you didn't fully remember all of that evening's events, which contradicts what you said earlier?"
Kavanaugh: "I remember even the things I don't remember. Period."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
212 Likes, 88 Retweets
17) The GOP to Dr. Ford: "Why do you fear flying?"
Me to the GOP: Why do you fear the truth?
#KavanaughHearings
225 Likes, 59 Retweets
18) "Did you watch Dr. Ford's testimony?"
Kavanaugh: "No. I didn't listen to her while I was assaulting her. Why would I listen to her complaining about me assaulting her?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
195 Likes, 67 Retweets
19) #Grassley: "I'm now going to talk for a half-hour, making my case of being the biggest as*hole in the world. I don't know about any of you, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that. Thank you."
#KavanaughHearings
209 Likes, 47 Retweets
20) #LindseyGraham: "This is hell! A man getting questioned and having to take responsibility for attempting to rape a woman? No man should ever have to go through that! No man! Period!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
192 Likes, 60 Retweets
21) Trump: "Wanna hear a joke?"
UN: "Yeah!"
Trump: "So, like, I've done lots of things..."
UN: "Ha-ha!"
Trump: "I'm not done! Bigly things..."
UN: "Ha! He's killing us!"
Trump: "Things no one has ever done before..."
UN: "Stop it! We're gonna pass out!"
#TrumpUNSpeech #Snark
175 Likes, 66 Retweets
22) I was 8; he was several years older than me; and threatened to take my life if I told anyone. I was beyond frightened and didn't openly share what happened for 15-20 years.
#WhyIDidntReport
186 Likes, 52 Retweets
23) Cruz: "There's nothing more painful than a mother seeing her son get called out for trying to rape a woman, even more painful than the mother of the daughter who was assaulted. The War on Women is a hoax."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
168 Likes, 57 Retweets
24) "His fingerprints are on the weapon & he took a selfie smiling next to the victim, holding a sign saying he did it?"
Defense: "But, as you can see, on that very day in his calendar, he specifically wrote he didn't kill anyone."
"Case dismissed!"
Riiight...
#KavanaughHearings
160 Likes, 55 Retweets
25) Today in the GOP
- Women are liars
- Victims are to blame
- Girls getting groped isn't a big deal
- Past felonious behavior should prevent voting, but not being on the Supreme Court
- A predator should be allowed to be a Supreme Court Justice so long as he's "pro-life"
#Kavanaugh
145 Likes, 66 Retweets
25) "Have you ever drank so much you don't remember all or part of the previous evening?"
Kavanaugh: "Have you? Huh? Huh? Huh? Tell me, you dumb...! Sh*t! I need a shot! Anyone got a lemon drop on them?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
173 Likes, 38 Retweets
27) Kavanaugh: "I will do anything for my name. I will do anything for my name. I will do anything for my name, but I won't ask for an FBI investigation. No, I won't do that."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
154 Likes, 51 Retweets
28) #Grassley: "We here in the Senate Judiciary Committee want nothing more than a fair hearing. I'm now going to go at length making it sound as though Dr. Ford is a liar, shouldn't be trusted, and women are stupid. Fair."
#KavanaughHearings
146 Likes, 51 Retweets
29) "Ralph? Was that due to alcohol?"
Kavanaugh: "I was great in school, played lots of sports, went to church, etc. That answers your question."
"No..."
Kavanaugh: "What's your favorite drink? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? F*CKIN' A, RIGHT, I'M STABLE!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
131 Likes, 56 Retweets
30) Kavanaugh: "For my second act, I'm going to answer questions I'm not asked and not answer questions I'm asked. I hope this helps clear my name, especially when it comes to my honesty and forthrightness."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
134 Likes, 37 Retweets
31) GOP: "Ever had anger issues?"
Kavanaugh: "Yes"
GOP: "Alcohol problems?"
"Yes"
GOP: "Faced any allegations of sexual misconduct?"
"Yes"
GOP: "Mind if we investigate all this?"
"F*ck yes!"
GOP: "Okay, you're hired."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
131 Likes, 39 Retweets
31) Nikki Haley: "The U.N. was only laughing during the president's speech because they were taken aback by his honesty."
Substitute "honesty" with "bullsh*t" and you may have something...
#TrumpUNSpeech
132 Likes, 38 Retweets
33) Jeff Flake proved once again he's aptly named.
#KavanaughHearings
140 Likes, 29 Retweets
34) Kavanaugh: "We all do stupid things we regret in high school and college!"
True, but there's a stark difference between TP-ing a woman's place and attempting to rape her.
#Kavanaugh
115 Likes, 31 Retweets
35) Kavanaugh: "The notes on my calendars were written every morning. These notes were psychic. Everything went according to plan. I minored in tarot card reading. This is my special gift I haven't told anyone about until now. They call me Psychanaugh."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
120 Likes, 21 Retweets
36) #LindseyGraham: "The woman you tried to rape is almost as big of a victim as you are here! Sick! Just sick!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
103 Likes, 37 Retweets
37) Kavanaugh: "Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. I like beer. I like beer. Beer, beer, beer. La-dee-da. Beer. Beer. There. Have I broken the world record for number of times saying the word 'beer' at a hearing?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
105 Likes, 28 Retweets
38) Dear Trumpsters:
The Kavanaugh ordeal isn't he said/she said. It's he said/she said/she said/she said/and counting. Then again, you voted for someone where the count was he said/she said x 19.
#Kavanaugh
91 Likes, 35 Retweets
39) Trump: "Democrats wouldn't even confirm George Washington to the Supreme Court!"
Translation: "Democrats wouldn't vote in a dead guy to be the next Supreme Court judge! How nuts is that?!? Nutters, people, bigly nutters!"
#Kavanaugh #Snark
96 Likes, 28 Retweets
39) Kavanaugh: "I declare before all of you I did not do the things I don't remember due to being blackout-drunk."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
101 Likes, 23 Retweets
41) Kavanaugh: "I was nice to a woman one time. She was a woman I was nice to. Nice to this woman I was. To her - this woman - I was nice. She'll tell you I was nice. She'll tell you she's a woman and I was nice to her one time. You see? I'm not a rapist."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
92 Likes, 29 Retweets
42) Kavanaugh: "I am a man, with a penis, a mushroom-like one, so you should believe me. I was always drunk in high school and college, so I can't remember whether or not I assaulted anyone. Hell, I'm drunk right now and won't remember this tomorrow."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
80 Likes, 29 Retweets
43) Kavanaugh: "I never had sex in high school. I was shy about it. This is why I got drunk so much. The reason I never had sex - I was always drunk & couldn't get it up. I couldn't even find where to put it. One time I cut myself sticking it in a Coke can."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
79 Likes, 26 Retweets
44) Are GOPers seriously doubting all Kavanaugh accusers because the second accuser doesn't remember every last detail?
Sessions: "I do not recall."
#Kavanaugh
74 likes, 29 Retweets
45) Trump: "I've accomplished more, greater, biglier things than the world ever thought was humanly possible."
U.N.: "LMFAO!"
Trump: "Thank you. That means a lot to me. Your respect is greatly 'acquisitioned.' Covfefe for life." :: mic drop ::
#TrumpUNSpeech #NikkiHaley #Snark
73 Likes, 27 Retweets
45) Ford: "I have three sworn declarations."
Kavanaugh: "Well, I have a calendar and calendars trump rock, paper, scissors, sworn declarations, video evidence, and guilty verdicts. So there!"
#Kavanaugh #Snark
74 Likes, 26 Retweets
47) Trump: "I could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose any voters."
Kavanaugh: "Ditto, so long as it wasn't a fetus."
#Kavanaugh #Snark
78 Likes, 18 Retweets
48) Kavanaugh: "I'm not here to open up an FBI investigation. I'm here to answer questions about my yearbook, sports, how wonderful I am - anything positive about me, except for the STD test results I received not long ago."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
80 Likes, 15 Retweets
49) Trump: "Yes, Mr. Kurd."
"Mr. Kurd": "Okay, Mr. Stupid..."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
75 Likes, 17 Retweets
50) The Senate Judiciary Committee Majority: 11 white men with 684 years between them. Yup, that's today's Republican Party, folks...
#Kavanaugh
61 Likes, 29 Retweets
51) Cornyn: "Democrats have been obstructionists through all parts of government during the entirety of Trump's presidency."
Substitute "Democrats" and "Trump's" with "Republicans" and "Obama's" and you'd have something...
#KavanaughHearings
67 Likes, 21 Retweets
51) Cory Booker and Kamala Harris to Brett Kavanaugh (a gif of a panda destroying an office)
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
80 Likes, 8 Retweets
53) Trump: "Yeah, but the 2nd accuser..."
Let me stop you right there. When you start your line of defense with, "Yeah, but the SECOND accuser," you're in trouble.
#Kavanaugh
68 Likes, 16 Retweets
54) Democrats: "A woman's health and well-being is of the utmost importance here!"
Republicans: "Ah, no, the process is more important than a woman being assaulted. Vote GOP in 2018. Family values."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
63 Likes, 17 Retweets
55) Pinocchio (when listening to Ted Cruz): "Holy crap! His nose is getting long!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
65 Likes, 13 Retweets
56) Cornyn: "Interviewing a recovering alcoholic, who's had some serious problems in Mark Judge, is just cruel. Ignoring the sexual assault of a woman and painting her as a liar or deserving of the attack isn't, however."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
53 Likes, 18 Retweets
57) Kavanaugh: "Ms. Ford doesn't remember key details about the night in question. This goes to show you I didn't do what she claims I did. I don't recall many things from that night either. That again proves I didn't do what she claims I did. Consistency."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
57) #Kavanaugh: "The first sign of a good role model is keeping a calendar for 30+ years."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
59 Likes, 8 Retweets
59) Hatch: "You're trying to tell me a week before a new job, cops knocked on your door & charged you with murder, with there being witnesses? How crazy is that? ...how disrespectful! I mean, this is your job! Who cares about the person's life you ended?!?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
53 Likes, 11 Retweets
60) Kavanaugh: "'Boofing' is, let me draw a word of of this hat here. It's flatulence. 'Devil's triangle'? This piece of paper says it's a drinking game. 'Rape'? What's this one say? Oh, a French dish, pronounced 'ruh-pay.'"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
47 Likes, 14 Retweets
60) Kavanaugh: "If loving beer is a crime, I'm a life-long felon. I was a virgin until my first Miller Lite bottle. That is how much I love beer. Sue me! On second thought, don't. What were we talking about again?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
52 Likes, 9 Retweets
62) Trump: "What's this chick talking about? There's a hippopotamus in our brains? Seriously? Must be a small hippo, like bigly small."
#KavanaughHearings #BigWords #Snark
45 Likes, 10 Retweets
63) #Grassley: "Okay, it's time for a break. I'm going to yell at some people to get off my lawn now. Good golly, I love Thursdays."
#KavanaughHearings #GrumpyOldMan #Snark
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
64) Trump after a tornado: "How's everyone doing? I just love a good breeze, don't you?"
#Snark #Florence
42 Likes, 9 Retweets
64) Kavanaugh: "People who never knew me very well all tell me I'm a great man. This means the world to me. Him, her, and the other one are all very dear and close to me, whatever their names are, if they're even real. I don't really know, but I love them."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
43 Likes, 8 Retweets
66) GOP: "What's the meaning of 'exculpatory'?"
Ford: "I don't really know."
GOP: "Have a nice day."
GOP: "Is it true you have anger & alcohol issues, were alleged of assaulting women, & don't want an investigation?"
Kavanaugh: "Yes"
GOP: "You're hired!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
38 Likes, 10 Retweets
67) Trump: "I know all the talk is about Kavanaugh, so... Look! Shiny object! Mexico! Canada! Trade! Bigly!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
42 Likes, 5 Retweets
68) On matters of sexual impropriety
Democrats: "It's high past time to be held accountable and to step down!"
Republicans: "Democrat? No excuse! Step down, bigly! GOPer? How long ago did it happen? Was she drunk? What was she wearing?"
#Kavanaugh
33 Likes, 11 Retweets
68) Trump: "I have the biggest abrain in the world. My abrain is like bigger than your abrain, your abrain, and even your abrain, Mr. Kurd, believe me!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
37 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) Kavanaugh: "My calendars prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'm innocent. I wrote everything in those calendars. My life was very boring. Each day was only worthy of maybe 2 or 3 words to describe them."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
37 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) Kavanaugh: "I was, am, and will continue to be all about church."
Yeah, so you can get sh*t-faced on wine...
#Kavanaugh
37 Likes, 7 Retweets
72) Matthew 25:35, Trump Edition: "For I was hungry and you gave me kleenex, I was thirsty and you gave me toilet paper, I was a stranger and you welcomed me to leave and never return, bigly."
#PuertoRico #Snark
30 Likes, 12 Retweets
73) Cruz: "We were very fair to Dr. Ford. We didn't interrupt her; she didn't interrupt us. The same has not been true for you. While we haven't interrupted you, you've interrupted us countless times, and that's just not fair to you."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
29 Likes, 9 Retweets
74) Giuliani: "Even though I never served in the Senate, I voted for those two Democrat chicks, Soda something and Cheetah, or whatever."
So, you're admitting to voter fraud? Interesting...
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
26 Likes, 11 Retweets
75) Doing Porn Stars While Married With Children
#TrumpAShow
28 Likes, 8 Retweets
75) #Grassley: "For the record, let me just say that reading is hard for any 85-year-old man like me. Does anyone have any thicker glasses? They don't make them that thick? Well, shoot. What's this word? It's 'the'?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
29 Likes, 7 Retweets
77) Trump: "If I ever do the online dating thing again, my username will be LargeAbrainedMushroomDick. The ladies are just gonna love it, believe me!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
29 likes, 5 Retweets
77) I think my favorite message from Kavanaugh defenders, that I've received thus far, was when someone said, "I'd like to see how you would have handled false rape allegations at a hearing 38 years ago." Yeah, me too, especially since this was me 38 years ago.
#KavanaughHearings
29 Likes, 5 Retweets
77) Trump: "Wasn't there a couple of things in George Washington's past? A couple? Washington? Anybody? Do you know George Washington? One of my favorite Washingtons. My very favorite is that black actor, Benz Ell or whatever, though, like seriously."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
31 Likes, 3 Retweets
80) #Grassley: "We could have kept this confidential. The whole country should have known about it."
#KavanaughHearings
25 Likes, 7 Retweets
81) Headline: "Meghan Markle closes her own car door"
Headline we'll never see: "Donald Trump masters the art of opening a door, any door, even automatic doors"
#MeghanMarkle
25 Likes, 4 Retweets
82) Trump: "Life in 1789? 2018? Have things changed? Who knows?!?"
#GeorgeWashington #Snark
21 Likes, 5 Retweets
82) I have a hunch that when Donald Trump sees it's #ConstitutionDay, he immediately says, "How much are they? Are they Russia constitutes? I hear Russia has the best constitutes!"
23 Likes, 3 Retweets
82) Trump: "The U.N. wasn't laughing at me. They were laughing with me. The fact I wasn't laughing is irrelevant."
#TrumpUNSpeech #TrumpPressConference #Snark
23 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) Trump after an earthquake: "I don't know about you guys, but like that Elvis dude said one time, I'm all shook up. You too? And you? Lots of Elvis dude fans here today. That's just fantastic."
#Snark #Florence
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) General election
GOP: "Who would I most like to have a beer with?"
Supreme Court
GOP: "Who would I most like to share two 24-packs of beer with?"
#Kavanaugh
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) #TomiLahren: "Sit down, Michelle (Obama)!"
No, and even though I can't stand you nor your politics, I won't tell you to sit down, because I believe in women's rights, unlike your president.
17 Likes, 2 Retweets
88) Graham: "There's video evidence of the rape attempt where the judge says, 'That's Mr. Kavanaugh to you!"? That makes me even more suspicious of Dr. Ford's allegations."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
14 Likes, 4 Retweets
89) Graham: "The handling of this Kavanaugh thing is like a drive-by shooting."
No, when Brett Kavanaugh is in the picture, it's more like a drive-by groping.
#Kavanaugh
12 Likes, 2 Retweets
90) If a defender looks in the quarterback's direction for longer than three Mississippis, it'll result in #roughingthepasser.
11 Likes, 1 Retweet
After Kavanaugh jumps off a bridge
His mother: "If every guy put their penises in girls' faces, would you?!?"
91) Kavanaugh: "Only I do that, so yes..."
#Kavanaugh #Snark
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
Totals: 15,656 Likes, 4,186 Retweets (Averages of 172.0 Likes, 46.0 Retweets)
1) Blasey Ford: "Norepinephrine," "Indelible," "Sequela," "Hippocampus"
Kavanaugh: "Boof," "Ralph," "Beer," "Ahhhhh!," "Waaaaah!"
#KavanaughHearings
1,814 Likes, 595 Retweets
2) Dear GOP:
This isn't jury duty. Kavanaugh doesn't need to be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. This is a job interview for an incredibly powerful position. Given the man's anger, drinking, dishonesty, & sexual improprieties, he doesn't deserve the job.
#KavanaughHearings
1,525 Likes, 423 Retweets
3) Kavanaugh: "I'm a good, nice man. I don't get angry. Do you hear me?!? I DON'T GET ANGRY! I DON'T GET F*CKING ANGRY, OKAY? Oh, and I love Jesus."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
1,320 Likes, 429 Retweets
4) Dear Congressional Republican fathers:
If your daughter came home to you crying, claiming a man, against her will, got on top of her, grinded himself against her, and placed his hand over her mouth, would you believe her or ask, "Where's the proof?"
#KavanaughHearings
1,031 Likes, 397 Retweets
5) Dear GOP (Greedy Old Perverts):
Bringing up Dr. Ford's fear of flying only harms your case. Last I heard, airplanes constitute as examples of enclosed spaces. Dr. Ford fears enclosed spaces. This was caused by Brett Kavanaugh's rape attempt on her.
#KavanaughHearings
623 likes, 196 Retweets
6) Kavanaugh: "I love and respect women more than anyone else in the world. Shut up, Ms. Feinstein! I'm talking here and am gonna yell at you some more! You see how much I respect women?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
455 Likes, 160 Retweets
7) What we can surmise from today: Brett Kavanaugh is a bully; drinks more than Norm Peterson from "Cheers;" might as well be nicknamed Mr. Entitled; and if he could only bring one thing to a desert island, it'd be a calendar.
#KavanaughHearings
449 Likes, 114 Retweets
8) Grassley: "Do you need a break?"
Ford: "No. I've been through attempted rape. I think I can handle this."
Grassley: "Do you need a break?"
Kavanaugh: (a gif of a man bawling)
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
415 Likes, 129 Retweets
9) Anyone else notice Brett Kavanaugh's friends simply "don't recall" certain events, as opposed to flat out denying they ever took place? It seems they've all come down with a serious case of Jeff Sessionsesia.
#KavanaughHearings
371 Likes, 92 Retweets
10) I asked Republican fathers what they'd do if their daughters came to them with a similar story as Dr. Ford's. Sadly, roughly 1/2 of them said, "If she waited as long as Ford did, I'd be suspicious." ...and they wonder why more victims don't come forward.
#KavanaughHearings
282 Likes, 93 Retweets
11) Dear Mr. Kavanaugh:
A Supreme Court Justice is just a job. If you are prevented from attaining said job, your life won't be ruined. Attempting to rape a woman, now that's ruining someone's life.
#KavanaughHearings
274 Likes, 75 Retweets
12) Kennedy: "Do you believe in God?"
Kavanaugh: "Yes"
Kennedy: "Well, that's good enough for me."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
267 Likes, 78 Retweets
13) GOP: "We're going to nominate a sexual predator for president, nominate another sexual predator for the Supreme Court, and then claim all the women are liars or deserved it. Oh, and the War on Women is a hoax!"
#Kavanaugh #Snark
241 Likes, 97 Retweets
14) New poll: 54% of Republicans think Kavanaugh should be confirmed regardless of whether or not his accusers are telling the truth. Let me repeat, a majority of Republicans don't care whether or not Brett Kavanaugh attempted to rape women.
#Kavanaugh
196 likes, 137 Retweets
15) Kavanaugh: "I never passed out from drinking. I fell asleep from drinking, but never passed out. I've closed my eyes and rested during the afternoon, but never napped. I've driven faster than the speed limit, but never sped."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
244 Likes, 73 Retweets
16) "You said you had to piece things together from that night. Doesn't that imply you didn't fully remember all of that evening's events, which contradicts what you said earlier?"
Kavanaugh: "I remember even the things I don't remember. Period."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
212 Likes, 88 Retweets
17) The GOP to Dr. Ford: "Why do you fear flying?"
Me to the GOP: Why do you fear the truth?
#KavanaughHearings
225 Likes, 59 Retweets
18) "Did you watch Dr. Ford's testimony?"
Kavanaugh: "No. I didn't listen to her while I was assaulting her. Why would I listen to her complaining about me assaulting her?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
195 Likes, 67 Retweets
19) #Grassley: "I'm now going to talk for a half-hour, making my case of being the biggest as*hole in the world. I don't know about any of you, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that. Thank you."
#KavanaughHearings
209 Likes, 47 Retweets
20) #LindseyGraham: "This is hell! A man getting questioned and having to take responsibility for attempting to rape a woman? No man should ever have to go through that! No man! Period!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
192 Likes, 60 Retweets
21) Trump: "Wanna hear a joke?"
UN: "Yeah!"
Trump: "So, like, I've done lots of things..."
UN: "Ha-ha!"
Trump: "I'm not done! Bigly things..."
UN: "Ha! He's killing us!"
Trump: "Things no one has ever done before..."
UN: "Stop it! We're gonna pass out!"
#TrumpUNSpeech #Snark
175 Likes, 66 Retweets
22) I was 8; he was several years older than me; and threatened to take my life if I told anyone. I was beyond frightened and didn't openly share what happened for 15-20 years.
#WhyIDidntReport
186 Likes, 52 Retweets
23) Cruz: "There's nothing more painful than a mother seeing her son get called out for trying to rape a woman, even more painful than the mother of the daughter who was assaulted. The War on Women is a hoax."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
168 Likes, 57 Retweets
24) "His fingerprints are on the weapon & he took a selfie smiling next to the victim, holding a sign saying he did it?"
Defense: "But, as you can see, on that very day in his calendar, he specifically wrote he didn't kill anyone."
"Case dismissed!"
Riiight...
#KavanaughHearings
160 Likes, 55 Retweets
25) Today in the GOP
- Women are liars
- Victims are to blame
- Girls getting groped isn't a big deal
- Past felonious behavior should prevent voting, but not being on the Supreme Court
- A predator should be allowed to be a Supreme Court Justice so long as he's "pro-life"
#Kavanaugh
145 Likes, 66 Retweets
25) "Have you ever drank so much you don't remember all or part of the previous evening?"
Kavanaugh: "Have you? Huh? Huh? Huh? Tell me, you dumb...! Sh*t! I need a shot! Anyone got a lemon drop on them?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
173 Likes, 38 Retweets
27) Kavanaugh: "I will do anything for my name. I will do anything for my name. I will do anything for my name, but I won't ask for an FBI investigation. No, I won't do that."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
154 Likes, 51 Retweets
28) #Grassley: "We here in the Senate Judiciary Committee want nothing more than a fair hearing. I'm now going to go at length making it sound as though Dr. Ford is a liar, shouldn't be trusted, and women are stupid. Fair."
#KavanaughHearings
146 Likes, 51 Retweets
29) "Ralph? Was that due to alcohol?"
Kavanaugh: "I was great in school, played lots of sports, went to church, etc. That answers your question."
"No..."
Kavanaugh: "What's your favorite drink? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? F*CKIN' A, RIGHT, I'M STABLE!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
131 Likes, 56 Retweets
30) Kavanaugh: "For my second act, I'm going to answer questions I'm not asked and not answer questions I'm asked. I hope this helps clear my name, especially when it comes to my honesty and forthrightness."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
134 Likes, 37 Retweets
31) GOP: "Ever had anger issues?"
Kavanaugh: "Yes"
GOP: "Alcohol problems?"
"Yes"
GOP: "Faced any allegations of sexual misconduct?"
"Yes"
GOP: "Mind if we investigate all this?"
"F*ck yes!"
GOP: "Okay, you're hired."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
131 Likes, 39 Retweets
31) Nikki Haley: "The U.N. was only laughing during the president's speech because they were taken aback by his honesty."
Substitute "honesty" with "bullsh*t" and you may have something...
#TrumpUNSpeech
132 Likes, 38 Retweets
33) Jeff Flake proved once again he's aptly named.
#KavanaughHearings
140 Likes, 29 Retweets
34) Kavanaugh: "We all do stupid things we regret in high school and college!"
True, but there's a stark difference between TP-ing a woman's place and attempting to rape her.
#Kavanaugh
115 Likes, 31 Retweets
35) Kavanaugh: "The notes on my calendars were written every morning. These notes were psychic. Everything went according to plan. I minored in tarot card reading. This is my special gift I haven't told anyone about until now. They call me Psychanaugh."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
120 Likes, 21 Retweets
36) #LindseyGraham: "The woman you tried to rape is almost as big of a victim as you are here! Sick! Just sick!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
103 Likes, 37 Retweets
37) Kavanaugh: "Beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. I like beer. I like beer. Beer, beer, beer. La-dee-da. Beer. Beer. There. Have I broken the world record for number of times saying the word 'beer' at a hearing?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
105 Likes, 28 Retweets
38) Dear Trumpsters:
The Kavanaugh ordeal isn't he said/she said. It's he said/she said/she said/she said/and counting. Then again, you voted for someone where the count was he said/she said x 19.
#Kavanaugh
91 Likes, 35 Retweets
39) Trump: "Democrats wouldn't even confirm George Washington to the Supreme Court!"
Translation: "Democrats wouldn't vote in a dead guy to be the next Supreme Court judge! How nuts is that?!? Nutters, people, bigly nutters!"
#Kavanaugh #Snark
96 Likes, 28 Retweets
39) Kavanaugh: "I declare before all of you I did not do the things I don't remember due to being blackout-drunk."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
101 Likes, 23 Retweets
41) Kavanaugh: "I was nice to a woman one time. She was a woman I was nice to. Nice to this woman I was. To her - this woman - I was nice. She'll tell you I was nice. She'll tell you she's a woman and I was nice to her one time. You see? I'm not a rapist."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
92 Likes, 29 Retweets
42) Kavanaugh: "I am a man, with a penis, a mushroom-like one, so you should believe me. I was always drunk in high school and college, so I can't remember whether or not I assaulted anyone. Hell, I'm drunk right now and won't remember this tomorrow."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
80 Likes, 29 Retweets
43) Kavanaugh: "I never had sex in high school. I was shy about it. This is why I got drunk so much. The reason I never had sex - I was always drunk & couldn't get it up. I couldn't even find where to put it. One time I cut myself sticking it in a Coke can."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
79 Likes, 26 Retweets
44) Are GOPers seriously doubting all Kavanaugh accusers because the second accuser doesn't remember every last detail?
Sessions: "I do not recall."
#Kavanaugh
74 likes, 29 Retweets
45) Trump: "I've accomplished more, greater, biglier things than the world ever thought was humanly possible."
U.N.: "LMFAO!"
Trump: "Thank you. That means a lot to me. Your respect is greatly 'acquisitioned.' Covfefe for life." :: mic drop ::
#TrumpUNSpeech #NikkiHaley #Snark
73 Likes, 27 Retweets
45) Ford: "I have three sworn declarations."
Kavanaugh: "Well, I have a calendar and calendars trump rock, paper, scissors, sworn declarations, video evidence, and guilty verdicts. So there!"
#Kavanaugh #Snark
74 Likes, 26 Retweets
47) Trump: "I could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose any voters."
Kavanaugh: "Ditto, so long as it wasn't a fetus."
#Kavanaugh #Snark
78 Likes, 18 Retweets
48) Kavanaugh: "I'm not here to open up an FBI investigation. I'm here to answer questions about my yearbook, sports, how wonderful I am - anything positive about me, except for the STD test results I received not long ago."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
80 Likes, 15 Retweets
49) Trump: "Yes, Mr. Kurd."
"Mr. Kurd": "Okay, Mr. Stupid..."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
75 Likes, 17 Retweets
50) The Senate Judiciary Committee Majority: 11 white men with 684 years between them. Yup, that's today's Republican Party, folks...
#Kavanaugh
61 Likes, 29 Retweets
51) Cornyn: "Democrats have been obstructionists through all parts of government during the entirety of Trump's presidency."
Substitute "Democrats" and "Trump's" with "Republicans" and "Obama's" and you'd have something...
#KavanaughHearings
67 Likes, 21 Retweets
51) Cory Booker and Kamala Harris to Brett Kavanaugh (a gif of a panda destroying an office)
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
80 Likes, 8 Retweets
53) Trump: "Yeah, but the 2nd accuser..."
Let me stop you right there. When you start your line of defense with, "Yeah, but the SECOND accuser," you're in trouble.
#Kavanaugh
68 Likes, 16 Retweets
54) Democrats: "A woman's health and well-being is of the utmost importance here!"
Republicans: "Ah, no, the process is more important than a woman being assaulted. Vote GOP in 2018. Family values."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
63 Likes, 17 Retweets
55) Pinocchio (when listening to Ted Cruz): "Holy crap! His nose is getting long!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
65 Likes, 13 Retweets
56) Cornyn: "Interviewing a recovering alcoholic, who's had some serious problems in Mark Judge, is just cruel. Ignoring the sexual assault of a woman and painting her as a liar or deserving of the attack isn't, however."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
53 Likes, 18 Retweets
57) Kavanaugh: "Ms. Ford doesn't remember key details about the night in question. This goes to show you I didn't do what she claims I did. I don't recall many things from that night either. That again proves I didn't do what she claims I did. Consistency."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
57) #Kavanaugh: "The first sign of a good role model is keeping a calendar for 30+ years."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
59 Likes, 8 Retweets
59) Hatch: "You're trying to tell me a week before a new job, cops knocked on your door & charged you with murder, with there being witnesses? How crazy is that? ...how disrespectful! I mean, this is your job! Who cares about the person's life you ended?!?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
53 Likes, 11 Retweets
60) Kavanaugh: "'Boofing' is, let me draw a word of of this hat here. It's flatulence. 'Devil's triangle'? This piece of paper says it's a drinking game. 'Rape'? What's this one say? Oh, a French dish, pronounced 'ruh-pay.'"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
47 Likes, 14 Retweets
60) Kavanaugh: "If loving beer is a crime, I'm a life-long felon. I was a virgin until my first Miller Lite bottle. That is how much I love beer. Sue me! On second thought, don't. What were we talking about again?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
52 Likes, 9 Retweets
62) Trump: "What's this chick talking about? There's a hippopotamus in our brains? Seriously? Must be a small hippo, like bigly small."
#KavanaughHearings #BigWords #Snark
45 Likes, 10 Retweets
63) #Grassley: "Okay, it's time for a break. I'm going to yell at some people to get off my lawn now. Good golly, I love Thursdays."
#KavanaughHearings #GrumpyOldMan #Snark
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
64) Trump after a tornado: "How's everyone doing? I just love a good breeze, don't you?"
#Snark #Florence
42 Likes, 9 Retweets
64) Kavanaugh: "People who never knew me very well all tell me I'm a great man. This means the world to me. Him, her, and the other one are all very dear and close to me, whatever their names are, if they're even real. I don't really know, but I love them."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
43 Likes, 8 Retweets
66) GOP: "What's the meaning of 'exculpatory'?"
Ford: "I don't really know."
GOP: "Have a nice day."
GOP: "Is it true you have anger & alcohol issues, were alleged of assaulting women, & don't want an investigation?"
Kavanaugh: "Yes"
GOP: "You're hired!"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
38 Likes, 10 Retweets
67) Trump: "I know all the talk is about Kavanaugh, so... Look! Shiny object! Mexico! Canada! Trade! Bigly!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
42 Likes, 5 Retweets
68) On matters of sexual impropriety
Democrats: "It's high past time to be held accountable and to step down!"
Republicans: "Democrat? No excuse! Step down, bigly! GOPer? How long ago did it happen? Was she drunk? What was she wearing?"
#Kavanaugh
33 Likes, 11 Retweets
68) Trump: "I have the biggest abrain in the world. My abrain is like bigger than your abrain, your abrain, and even your abrain, Mr. Kurd, believe me!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
37 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) Kavanaugh: "My calendars prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'm innocent. I wrote everything in those calendars. My life was very boring. Each day was only worthy of maybe 2 or 3 words to describe them."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
37 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) Kavanaugh: "I was, am, and will continue to be all about church."
Yeah, so you can get sh*t-faced on wine...
#Kavanaugh
37 Likes, 7 Retweets
72) Matthew 25:35, Trump Edition: "For I was hungry and you gave me kleenex, I was thirsty and you gave me toilet paper, I was a stranger and you welcomed me to leave and never return, bigly."
#PuertoRico #Snark
30 Likes, 12 Retweets
73) Cruz: "We were very fair to Dr. Ford. We didn't interrupt her; she didn't interrupt us. The same has not been true for you. While we haven't interrupted you, you've interrupted us countless times, and that's just not fair to you."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
29 Likes, 9 Retweets
74) Giuliani: "Even though I never served in the Senate, I voted for those two Democrat chicks, Soda something and Cheetah, or whatever."
So, you're admitting to voter fraud? Interesting...
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
26 Likes, 11 Retweets
75) Doing Porn Stars While Married With Children
#TrumpAShow
28 Likes, 8 Retweets
75) #Grassley: "For the record, let me just say that reading is hard for any 85-year-old man like me. Does anyone have any thicker glasses? They don't make them that thick? Well, shoot. What's this word? It's 'the'?"
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
29 Likes, 7 Retweets
77) Trump: "If I ever do the online dating thing again, my username will be LargeAbrainedMushroomDick. The ladies are just gonna love it, believe me!"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
29 likes, 5 Retweets
77) I think my favorite message from Kavanaugh defenders, that I've received thus far, was when someone said, "I'd like to see how you would have handled false rape allegations at a hearing 38 years ago." Yeah, me too, especially since this was me 38 years ago.
#KavanaughHearings
29 Likes, 5 Retweets
77) Trump: "Wasn't there a couple of things in George Washington's past? A couple? Washington? Anybody? Do you know George Washington? One of my favorite Washingtons. My very favorite is that black actor, Benz Ell or whatever, though, like seriously."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
31 Likes, 3 Retweets
80) #Grassley: "We could have kept this confidential. The whole country should have known about it."
#KavanaughHearings
25 Likes, 7 Retweets
81) Headline: "Meghan Markle closes her own car door"
Headline we'll never see: "Donald Trump masters the art of opening a door, any door, even automatic doors"
#MeghanMarkle
25 Likes, 4 Retweets
82) Trump: "Life in 1789? 2018? Have things changed? Who knows?!?"
#GeorgeWashington #Snark
21 Likes, 5 Retweets
82) I have a hunch that when Donald Trump sees it's #ConstitutionDay, he immediately says, "How much are they? Are they Russia constitutes? I hear Russia has the best constitutes!"
23 Likes, 3 Retweets
82) Trump: "The U.N. wasn't laughing at me. They were laughing with me. The fact I wasn't laughing is irrelevant."
#TrumpUNSpeech #TrumpPressConference #Snark
23 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) Trump after an earthquake: "I don't know about you guys, but like that Elvis dude said one time, I'm all shook up. You too? And you? Lots of Elvis dude fans here today. That's just fantastic."
#Snark #Florence
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) General election
GOP: "Who would I most like to have a beer with?"
Supreme Court
GOP: "Who would I most like to share two 24-packs of beer with?"
#Kavanaugh
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) #TomiLahren: "Sit down, Michelle (Obama)!"
No, and even though I can't stand you nor your politics, I won't tell you to sit down, because I believe in women's rights, unlike your president.
17 Likes, 2 Retweets
88) Graham: "There's video evidence of the rape attempt where the judge says, 'That's Mr. Kavanaugh to you!"? That makes me even more suspicious of Dr. Ford's allegations."
#KavanaughHearings #Snark
14 Likes, 4 Retweets
89) Graham: "The handling of this Kavanaugh thing is like a drive-by shooting."
No, when Brett Kavanaugh is in the picture, it's more like a drive-by groping.
#Kavanaugh
12 Likes, 2 Retweets
90) If a defender looks in the quarterback's direction for longer than three Mississippis, it'll result in #roughingthepasser.
11 Likes, 1 Retweet
After Kavanaugh jumps off a bridge
His mother: "If every guy put their penises in girls' faces, would you?!?"
91) Kavanaugh: "Only I do that, so yes..."
#Kavanaugh #Snark
7 Likes, 1 Retweet
Totals: 15,656 Likes, 4,186 Retweets (Averages of 172.0 Likes, 46.0 Retweets)
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