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What I learned in Week 7 of the NFL season

In Week 7 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the "ASSMAN" license plate Kramer mistakenly received in an episode of Seinfeld was apparently intended for Arizona Cardinals quarterback Josh Rosen, since due to the team's awful offensive line play, that's where he always winds up.

- ...Chicago Bears quarterback Mitchell Trubisky, alongside Wesley Snipes, is set to star in the film, White Guys Can Run (Reasonably Well... With Five 300 Lb. Men In Front of Them).

- ...extra points are now about as automatic as a drunken dyslexic's autocorrect correctly sending the message, "I f*ckin' love you."

- ...the Cleveland Browns miss Josh Gordon like gay dogs miss bully sticks. Josh Gordon, on the other hand, misses the Cleveland Browns like the recently-gone-deaf miss Nickelback.

- ...the Oakland Raiders played their best game of the season. It was their bye week.

- ...drying paint gets bored watching the Dallas Cowboys' and Washington Redskins' offenses.

- ...the Jacksonville Jaguars are currently searching for the quarterback of their lives on the same site where they found Blake Bortles - PlentyOfPicks.com.

- ...the Philadelphia Eagles close games out about as well as Edward Scissorhands makes balloon animals.

- ...the Cleveland Browns can now officially write and release the book, 1001 Ways to Lose an NFL game Before You Die.

- ..., if New Orleans appears in the upcoming book, The Fifty Shades of Saints, their safe word will inevitably be punt.

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