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What I learned in Week 8 of the NFL season

In Week 8 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Chris Spielman has mastered math like mimes have mastered motivational speaking.

- ...the Miami Dolphins are about as predictable as F5 tornadoes nicknamed "Shifty."

- ...the Pittsburgh Steelers suffer from Princess Bride moments when it comes to "free kicks": "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

- ...the Baltimore Ravens have been awarded with a "The Little Lebowski Urban Underachievers" certificate.

- ...Adrian Peterson is set to star in the new film, 33 Going On 23.

- ..., when stand-up legend George Carlin said, "Golf is like watching flies f*ck," he was actually talking about Arizona Cardinals/San Francisco 49ers games.

- ...Jameis Winston has apparently never consumed Fitz-Magic. Instead, he's opted for Shitz-Tragic.

- ..., after sending Khalil Mack to Chicago and Amari Cooper to Dallas, the Oakland Raiders are actively looking to trade Jon Gruden.

- ...Odell Beckham, Jr. catches a football better with one hand than a first-time elementary school teacher catches colds from students. 

- ..., on his PlentyOfFish dating profile, under "special talent," Jameis Winston probably wrote, "It's so easy for me, I can throw picks with my eyes closed. I can throw picks without even trying."
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