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What I learned in Week 5 of the NFL season

In Week 5 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...former Boston Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield has asked Cleveland Browns kicker Greg Joseph for lessons on how to kick a knuckleball.

- ..., while Carolina Panthers kicker Graham Gano was handed a Get Laid Free card by the team's cheerleaders, Green Bay Packers kicker Mason Crosby will soon star in the film, The 34-Year-Old Born Again Virgin.

- ..., after turning the ball over five times against them, Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Blake Bortles has been announced as the Kansas City Chiefs Player of the Week.

- ..., after starting 2-3, former head coach Jimmy Johnson reportedly, in a drunken state, shouted, "How 'bout them Cowboys?," after singing "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" at a Fox Sports karaoke bash.

- ..., prior to Sunday night's game against the Houston Texans, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott's biggest fear was clowns. Now it's Clowney.

- ..., after he threw 2 interceptions compared to 0 touchdown passes, Cris Collinsworth called Patrick Mahomes "unstoppable." Rumor has it, if Mahomes pulled a Blake Bortles and turned it over five times, Collinsworth would say, "I don't ever say this, but is that Tom Brady out there? I mean, seriously, this is just unbelievable!"

- ...the NFL has altered the saying "Rules are rules" to "What's this rule again? Are you sure? Didn't it change last week? What's your horoscope say?"

- ...Eli Manning is in jeopardy of being replaced by Odell Beckham, Jr. If that happens, chances are good he'll attempt to throw 20 passes per game to himself.

- ..., when the Tennessee Titans declared no one could win uglier, the Buffalo Bills told them to hold their Flying Bisons (a beer in Buffalo; Google it).

- ...the life of a kicker in the NFL is like a random, seemingly useless scene in a murder mystery film, for no matter how out of place they may seem at the time, they tend to help ultimately decide the outcome.

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