Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 36: "1, 2, 3, Bobby, Joan, Pete," is now available!
Podcast: "I Feel Snitty"
Episode 36: 1, 2, 3, Bobby, Joan, Pete
Premiere Date: 3/12/20
Length: 12:39 (1,863 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/1-2-3-bobby-joan-pete/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 36, entitled, “1, 2, 3, Bobby, Joan, Pete.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
As with everything else negative which has occurred during his tenure, Donald Trump has attempted to downplay Coronavirus.
In a recent tweet, he posted the following message:
“So last year 37,000 Americans died from the common Flu. It averages between 27,000 and 70,000 per year. Nothing is shut down, life & the economy go on. At this moment there are 546 confirmed cases of CoronaVirus, with 22 deaths. Think about that!”
Donald Trump isn’t about context. I doubt he even knows what the word means. When he hears it, he probably responds, “What about the protext?”
The CDC reported 35.5 million cases of influenza in the United States in 2018-2019, where, 34,200 died of it. Calculate that and you have a mortality rate of 0.1%. According to Trump’s own math, the mortality rate of Coronavirus is 4.0%, or 40 times that of influenza. So if the exact same number of people were infected with Coronavirus as influenza and the mortality rate held constant, that would result in 1,420,000 deaths, or 1,385,800 more than influenza. Granted, the US is well behind on testing, so that mortality rate could fall, but more testing would equal more confirmed cases and more deaths pertaining to the virus, so Trump would rather not go that route. How idiotic of a strategy is that, though? The less testing we have, the more people whom contracted Coronavirus will be out and about, infecting others, leading to even more deaths in the process. While Trump may think the low death total is good for him short-term, this ridiculously ignorant strategy will inevitably backfire on him at some point. Hell, if he keeps this up and only sees this through a political lens, it could very well and ironically be his undoing on election day. According to Pew Research, when it comes to age groups, the only voting bloc where Trump is over 50% approval is with elders. Guess which age group is most at risk when it comes to Coronavirus? Yup, those same elders. While the mortality rate for any age group up to 69 is, at most, 3.6%, that number jumps to 8.0% for those between the ages of 70 and 79, and 14.8% for those who are 80 years of age or older. Yup, Donald Trump is as much a strategist as a nun named Chastity is a Vegas hooker.
Another example of this, I’m going to go there and say “strategery,” was when Trump discussed the 3,500 people on a Grand Princess cruise ship, some of whom had tested positive for Coronavirus. While health officials, of course, wanted the passengers to be brought to American soil and treated, Trump said this:
“They would like to have the people come off. I would like to have the people stay. I told them to make the final decision. I would rather because I like the numbers being where they are. I don’t need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn’t our fault. And it wasn’t the fault of the people on the ship either. OK? It wasn’t their fault, either. And they are mostly Americans. So, I can live either way with it. … I would rather have them stay on, personally. But I fully understand if they want to take them off. I gave them the authority to make the final decision.”
Let’s try to follow Trump’s logic here. There are 3,500 people on this ship, most of whom are Americans, and he doesn’t want them to come back to America because it’ll increase the death total in this country. So if Americans aren’t officially in America when they die of Coronavirus, that can’t be added to the total of Americans who died of Coronavirus? Okay then… Also, what’s Trump essentially saying? “Look, if all 3,500 of you die, that’s fine – including you Americans, of which most of you are – but don’t die over here. I don’t want you to impact my numbers.” The term compassionate is definitely not in Donald Trump’s vocabulary. The word appears to be as foreign to him as: math, fidelity, English, facts, logic, common sense, grammar, history, geography, honesty, etc.
This isn’t the first time Donald Trump has done this. Whenever a natural disaster strikes, he won’t mention anything about the fallen individuals, the impacts they made on society, and those crushed by their passing. No, he’ll just say, “Oh, just 900 died from this hurricane? That’s not bad – far less than Katrina.”
It reminds me of a lyric from “The Fight Song” by Marilyn Manson, where he sings, “The death of one is a tragedy; the death of one is a tragedy; the death of one is a tragedy; the death of a million is just a statistic.”
How on point is that with regard to Donald Trump? In his mind, no one matters except for him. Well, when it comes to Trump, perhaps it’d be more apt to say “the death of one is just a statistic,” but I digress. He doesn’t think about solutions to problems. He doesn’t sit back and ponder about ways to improve people’s lives. All he does is think about how something will affect him; his pocketbook; and his reputation. If we were struck by a 9/11-type terrorist attack during his tenure and 1,500 died as a result, I can bet almost anything, he’d say at some point, “Well, that’s like half the number of people who died on 9/11, so I’d say I did a better job of this than Bush.” To him, people are just numbers, just statistics, and it only becomes a tragedy when these individuals harm him politically.
For my From Snark to Finish segment this week, I’m going to pull out my dark humor card. In keeping in line with Trump’s trend of downplaying tragedies, I’m going to predict what he’d say in the following situations:
Funeral of a friend
“I truly loved this man. What’s his name again? Bob? Quite the name – Bob. Anyway, I’ll call him Bobby. He hated that? So, anyway, Bobby was like my best friend and I was really sad to hear he drowned in an empty bathtub. So sad. But you know what? People die. Bobby was a person and he died. Maybe, if some of you are lucky, you’ll die some day too and will be able to talk to ol’ Bobby again. So to sum up: People died; Bobby died; maybe you’ll all die someday. Making funerals fun again. Thank you.”
Mass shooting at a nursing home
“After crazy Frankie lost at bingo again, he kind of lost it himself. Very sad, but let’s look at this in the proper pur-spectator. Sure, Frankie killed 12 people, but compared to the Hispanic flu, that’s nothing. Just trying to keep things in pur-spect, pur-spectate, pur-yeah…”
Bombing at a Chuck E. Cheese
“First thing’s first, the place was closed, so there were no kids there. Very good news. There were only a couple of workers there. Sure, they died, but I don’t think they were very happy with their jobs anyway. It’s probably how they wanted to go. Okay, so that’s all I have to say about that. Any questions?”
Pastor struck by lightning during sermon
“I still can’t believe it. When I first hear Pastor Joe got struck by lightning during a sermon in his church when he shouted, ‘…and if my praising the work of Donald J. Trump is wrong, may the Lord strike me down,’ I thought it was a joke. I mean, are you serious? Well, being the glasses-half-on kind of guy I am, I have good news for everybody about this. For a pastor to get struck by lightning during a sermon in his church? Yeah, that proves global warming is a bigly hoax, bigly bigly.”
Couple falls from a hot-air balloon on their honeymoon
“What a way to start a marriage, huh? My ribcage, where there should be a heart, goes out to these people. This wasn’t the only bad marriage, though. Let’s get serious for a second here, folks. I’ve already had to mendure three of them. If they think this was a bad marriage, they haven’t seen nothing. Mine was far worse, far worse, and I’m still here to tell you about it all. You’re welcome.”
Trumpster falls into the Grand Canyon while retweeting his dear leader
“CovfefeInChief696969 was like a son to me. He was born a hero and died a hero. It’s like he was born to die while spreading my good word. He was like a mini-Jesus. If only others could follow his lead, be mini-Jesuses, and die spreading my good word, we’d be a much better world. CovfefeInChief696969 didn’t die; my word was reborn. Due to his service, I’m going to rename the big Arizona hole to the Bigliest Canyon.”
NASCAR driver turns the wrong way
“There’s that old saying, ‘Two wrongs make a right,’ and I think that’s true, because this guy took one right and made two wrongs in the process, but that’s not always the case. Look at me; I took a strong right and am Prethident of the United States. Going right works a lot of times. It just didn’t for this guy. Sucks to be him.”
There’s an Adderall-overdose epidemic
“To be honest with you people, I really don’t think this is a very big deal. :: sniff sniff :: I mean, what, just 30,000 have died? This isn’t the holocaust, folks. Not even close. :: sniff :: I don’t know much about this drug, Adderall. :: sniff sniff sniff sniff ::. But this I can :: sniff :: tell :: sniff :: you. I hear good things about it, especially from this one guy, my main guy, the best guy, believe me. :: sniff ::”
Clown suffers heart-attack after looking at himself in the mirror
“What happened to Bezo the Clown broke the hearts of many people. Last I heard, he’s in critically unstable genius condition, so there’s hope. There’s hope, folks, but not much. But hey, at least this isn’t that deadly invasion you always read about in textbooks – you know, that one, in that place, where people died? Yeah, so we’ve got that going for us, which is tremendous.”
Jesus comes back
I’ll use a verbatim quote from the Mueller report for this one…“Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my presidency. I’m fucked.”
In my Twitter Poll of the Week, I asked the question, “When someone asks Trump, ‘Hey, what about my 401 (k),’ what do you suppose he’ll say in response?”
- “I just need three K (KKK)”: 39.8%
- “It’s not as good as 402 (k): 37.4%
- “Chump change! I got 401B!”: 16.3%
- “Why stop here? 401 (l) or (n)?”: 6.5%
Thanks to all who participated.
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogspot. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
Episode 36: 1, 2, 3, Bobby, Joan, Pete
Premiere Date: 3/12/20
Length: 12:39 (1,863 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/1-2-3-bobby-joan-pete/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 36, entitled, “1, 2, 3, Bobby, Joan, Pete.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
As with everything else negative which has occurred during his tenure, Donald Trump has attempted to downplay Coronavirus.
In a recent tweet, he posted the following message:
“So last year 37,000 Americans died from the common Flu. It averages between 27,000 and 70,000 per year. Nothing is shut down, life & the economy go on. At this moment there are 546 confirmed cases of CoronaVirus, with 22 deaths. Think about that!”
Donald Trump isn’t about context. I doubt he even knows what the word means. When he hears it, he probably responds, “What about the protext?”
The CDC reported 35.5 million cases of influenza in the United States in 2018-2019, where, 34,200 died of it. Calculate that and you have a mortality rate of 0.1%. According to Trump’s own math, the mortality rate of Coronavirus is 4.0%, or 40 times that of influenza. So if the exact same number of people were infected with Coronavirus as influenza and the mortality rate held constant, that would result in 1,420,000 deaths, or 1,385,800 more than influenza. Granted, the US is well behind on testing, so that mortality rate could fall, but more testing would equal more confirmed cases and more deaths pertaining to the virus, so Trump would rather not go that route. How idiotic of a strategy is that, though? The less testing we have, the more people whom contracted Coronavirus will be out and about, infecting others, leading to even more deaths in the process. While Trump may think the low death total is good for him short-term, this ridiculously ignorant strategy will inevitably backfire on him at some point. Hell, if he keeps this up and only sees this through a political lens, it could very well and ironically be his undoing on election day. According to Pew Research, when it comes to age groups, the only voting bloc where Trump is over 50% approval is with elders. Guess which age group is most at risk when it comes to Coronavirus? Yup, those same elders. While the mortality rate for any age group up to 69 is, at most, 3.6%, that number jumps to 8.0% for those between the ages of 70 and 79, and 14.8% for those who are 80 years of age or older. Yup, Donald Trump is as much a strategist as a nun named Chastity is a Vegas hooker.
Another example of this, I’m going to go there and say “strategery,” was when Trump discussed the 3,500 people on a Grand Princess cruise ship, some of whom had tested positive for Coronavirus. While health officials, of course, wanted the passengers to be brought to American soil and treated, Trump said this:
“They would like to have the people come off. I would like to have the people stay. I told them to make the final decision. I would rather because I like the numbers being where they are. I don’t need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn’t our fault. And it wasn’t the fault of the people on the ship either. OK? It wasn’t their fault, either. And they are mostly Americans. So, I can live either way with it. … I would rather have them stay on, personally. But I fully understand if they want to take them off. I gave them the authority to make the final decision.”
Let’s try to follow Trump’s logic here. There are 3,500 people on this ship, most of whom are Americans, and he doesn’t want them to come back to America because it’ll increase the death total in this country. So if Americans aren’t officially in America when they die of Coronavirus, that can’t be added to the total of Americans who died of Coronavirus? Okay then… Also, what’s Trump essentially saying? “Look, if all 3,500 of you die, that’s fine – including you Americans, of which most of you are – but don’t die over here. I don’t want you to impact my numbers.” The term compassionate is definitely not in Donald Trump’s vocabulary. The word appears to be as foreign to him as: math, fidelity, English, facts, logic, common sense, grammar, history, geography, honesty, etc.
This isn’t the first time Donald Trump has done this. Whenever a natural disaster strikes, he won’t mention anything about the fallen individuals, the impacts they made on society, and those crushed by their passing. No, he’ll just say, “Oh, just 900 died from this hurricane? That’s not bad – far less than Katrina.”
It reminds me of a lyric from “The Fight Song” by Marilyn Manson, where he sings, “The death of one is a tragedy; the death of one is a tragedy; the death of one is a tragedy; the death of a million is just a statistic.”
How on point is that with regard to Donald Trump? In his mind, no one matters except for him. Well, when it comes to Trump, perhaps it’d be more apt to say “the death of one is just a statistic,” but I digress. He doesn’t think about solutions to problems. He doesn’t sit back and ponder about ways to improve people’s lives. All he does is think about how something will affect him; his pocketbook; and his reputation. If we were struck by a 9/11-type terrorist attack during his tenure and 1,500 died as a result, I can bet almost anything, he’d say at some point, “Well, that’s like half the number of people who died on 9/11, so I’d say I did a better job of this than Bush.” To him, people are just numbers, just statistics, and it only becomes a tragedy when these individuals harm him politically.
For my From Snark to Finish segment this week, I’m going to pull out my dark humor card. In keeping in line with Trump’s trend of downplaying tragedies, I’m going to predict what he’d say in the following situations:
Funeral of a friend
“I truly loved this man. What’s his name again? Bob? Quite the name – Bob. Anyway, I’ll call him Bobby. He hated that? So, anyway, Bobby was like my best friend and I was really sad to hear he drowned in an empty bathtub. So sad. But you know what? People die. Bobby was a person and he died. Maybe, if some of you are lucky, you’ll die some day too and will be able to talk to ol’ Bobby again. So to sum up: People died; Bobby died; maybe you’ll all die someday. Making funerals fun again. Thank you.”
Mass shooting at a nursing home
“After crazy Frankie lost at bingo again, he kind of lost it himself. Very sad, but let’s look at this in the proper pur-spectator. Sure, Frankie killed 12 people, but compared to the Hispanic flu, that’s nothing. Just trying to keep things in pur-spect, pur-spectate, pur-yeah…”
Bombing at a Chuck E. Cheese
“First thing’s first, the place was closed, so there were no kids there. Very good news. There were only a couple of workers there. Sure, they died, but I don’t think they were very happy with their jobs anyway. It’s probably how they wanted to go. Okay, so that’s all I have to say about that. Any questions?”
Pastor struck by lightning during sermon
“I still can’t believe it. When I first hear Pastor Joe got struck by lightning during a sermon in his church when he shouted, ‘…and if my praising the work of Donald J. Trump is wrong, may the Lord strike me down,’ I thought it was a joke. I mean, are you serious? Well, being the glasses-half-on kind of guy I am, I have good news for everybody about this. For a pastor to get struck by lightning during a sermon in his church? Yeah, that proves global warming is a bigly hoax, bigly bigly.”
Couple falls from a hot-air balloon on their honeymoon
“What a way to start a marriage, huh? My ribcage, where there should be a heart, goes out to these people. This wasn’t the only bad marriage, though. Let’s get serious for a second here, folks. I’ve already had to mendure three of them. If they think this was a bad marriage, they haven’t seen nothing. Mine was far worse, far worse, and I’m still here to tell you about it all. You’re welcome.”
Trumpster falls into the Grand Canyon while retweeting his dear leader
“CovfefeInChief696969 was like a son to me. He was born a hero and died a hero. It’s like he was born to die while spreading my good word. He was like a mini-Jesus. If only others could follow his lead, be mini-Jesuses, and die spreading my good word, we’d be a much better world. CovfefeInChief696969 didn’t die; my word was reborn. Due to his service, I’m going to rename the big Arizona hole to the Bigliest Canyon.”
NASCAR driver turns the wrong way
“There’s that old saying, ‘Two wrongs make a right,’ and I think that’s true, because this guy took one right and made two wrongs in the process, but that’s not always the case. Look at me; I took a strong right and am Prethident of the United States. Going right works a lot of times. It just didn’t for this guy. Sucks to be him.”
There’s an Adderall-overdose epidemic
“To be honest with you people, I really don’t think this is a very big deal. :: sniff sniff :: I mean, what, just 30,000 have died? This isn’t the holocaust, folks. Not even close. :: sniff :: I don’t know much about this drug, Adderall. :: sniff sniff sniff sniff ::. But this I can :: sniff :: tell :: sniff :: you. I hear good things about it, especially from this one guy, my main guy, the best guy, believe me. :: sniff ::”
Clown suffers heart-attack after looking at himself in the mirror
“What happened to Bezo the Clown broke the hearts of many people. Last I heard, he’s in critically unstable genius condition, so there’s hope. There’s hope, folks, but not much. But hey, at least this isn’t that deadly invasion you always read about in textbooks – you know, that one, in that place, where people died? Yeah, so we’ve got that going for us, which is tremendous.”
Jesus comes back
I’ll use a verbatim quote from the Mueller report for this one…“Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my presidency. I’m fucked.”
In my Twitter Poll of the Week, I asked the question, “When someone asks Trump, ‘Hey, what about my 401 (k),’ what do you suppose he’ll say in response?”
- “I just need three K (KKK)”: 39.8%
- “It’s not as good as 402 (k): 37.4%
- “Chump change! I got 401B!”: 16.3%
- “Why stop here? 401 (l) or (n)?”: 6.5%
Thanks to all who participated.
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogspot. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
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