As my state is currently in lockdown, due to the Coronavirus, I've been able to have fun with trending hashtags on Twitter more than is typical, over the past couple weeks. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be seen here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) Dear #SenateRepublicans:
Trickle-down economics was debunked a long time ago.
Sincerely,
The Actual Workers
#CoronavirusOutbreak
2.5K Likes, 825 Retweets
2) Dems: "Let's make it so more people have health insurance."
GOP: "Death panels!"
Trump: "Let's open the country back up in the midst of a deadly virus, at the risk of people's lives, for the sake of billionaires."
GOP: "Hey, if you die, you die."
#GOPDeathPanels
1.9K Likes, 1.0K Retweets
3) GOP: "We need to place 99% of the people's lives at risk so we can make our top 1% friends & donors happy!"
Here's just another example of the GOP not being as "pro-life" as they claim. The GOP is as pro-life as Shrek is pro-draining-the-swamp.
#GOPDeathPanels
1.4K Likes, 524 Retweets
4) Did the Surgeon General, who recently said Trump was in better health than him, just tell everyone to not spread misinformation?
#CoronaVirusUpdates #coronapocalypse
1.1K Likes, 312 Retweets
5) Mike Pence can't be seen. Bill Barr looks like a hostage who's fallen asleep. Deborah Birx has just broken the record for heavy sighs in a 2-min span. They're all behind lil Donny. If this isn't emblematic of the Trump White House, I don't know what is.
#whitehousePressconference
1.0K Likes, 241 Retweets
6) Trump really is substituting rallies with these press conferences, isn't he? It sounds like he's repeating the same speech from yesterday. What a waste of time...
#Coronavirus
770 Likes, 204 Retweets
7) 2/26
Trump: "There are just 15 cases & the number is going down. It'll be zero soon. We've got this totally under control."
3/24
Trump: "There are just 46,000 cases & the number is going down. It'll be zero soon. So go back to work!"
#GOPDeathPanels #Snark
633 Likes, 269 Retweets
8) GOP
- "Tax cuts for the rich will trickle down to everyone else."
- "Corporations are people, my friend."
- "We need to bring people back to work to save the stock market. If people die, so be it."
Remember all this in November.
#coronavirus
352 Likes, 158 Retweets
9) Trump: "Here, kids. I'm going to show you how to spread Coronavirus by shaking everyone's hand and about swallowing this microphone before others use it."
#TrumpIsTheWORSTPresidentEVER
#Snark
383 Likes, 91 Retweets
10) 1) Republicans attempt to pass a #Coronavirus bill for the top 1%.
2) Democrats vote it down, saying we should pass a bill for the other 99%.
3) Republicans start spouting that Democrats voted against 100% of the people.
4) Yes, Republicans believe 1 = 100, b/c, you know, math.
310 Likes, 162 Retweets
11) It happened. On 3/18/20, Donald Trump's precious Dow Jones dropped below the number at which he received it from Barack Obama, which was 19,827.30.
#coronavirus #marketcrash
270 Likes, 128 Retweets
12) Trump: "This is a very exciting time. I've approved two new drugs: the Klonococoafluffygobstopper and Jinajinajinabismoletapp. These are game-changers, folks, like no question. But maybe not. I think they will be, though, or not."
#coronavirus #Snark
293 Likes, 90 Retweets
12) Just now...
"There's no such thing as a stupid question."
Trump: "Hold my Adderall..."
#whitehousePressconference
#Snark
327 Likes, 56 Retweets
14) Trump: "That's a nasty question. You say I got rid of the pandemic team? I don't know anything about this. Do you? Does anyone up here? Look, I don't know what's going on 99% of the time. I just ask Puty what to do and he tells me."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
269 Likes, 81 Retweets
15) Pence: "I may be anti-gay, but Mr. President, I'm going to gleefully kiss your butt for several minutes right now."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
274 Likes, 60 Retweets
16) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/18/20): 19,898.92
Change: +0.4%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
220 Likes, 107 Retweets
17) Trumpsters' new line of defense: "Things were going great before the virus!"
Things don't work that way. You can't say, "Things were going great for the Titanic before the iceberg!"
It happened. How did Trump respond? Like a fool, which is why we are where we are.
#coronavirus
236 Likes, 79 Retweets
18) Trump: "Instead of doing anything to actually fight #Coronavirus, we're just going to stand in front of the press every day, telling the people we're doing everything to do so, while blaming everyone else for the lack of results, bc we care about markets more than people."
#Snark
235 Likes, 78 Retweets
19) Given the Trumpers' main talking point today about wanting to sacrifice the lives of our most vulnerable so the economy doesn't collapse, perhaps Democrats should try harder to woo the votes of the elderly.
Slogan:
"I don't want you to die.
Vote Biden!"
#GOPDeathPanels
202 Likes, 82 Retweets
20) Trump: "The first thing you all should do is stop shaking hands. Now I'm going to shake all these people's hands."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
239 Likes, 44 Retweets
21) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/16/20): 20,188.52
Change: +1.8%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
180 Likes, 77 Retweets
22) If Trump shot someone on 5th Avenue...
Trump: "Look, I didn't make the gun; used someone else's money for the bullets; and the guy's face got in the way, so no, I don't take any responsibility at all."
#IDontTakeResponsibilityAtAll
#Snark
186 Likes, 36 Retweets
23) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/20/20): 19,173.98
Change: -3.3%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
146 Likes, 56 Retweets
24) #BelieveWomen. These comparisons made by Bernie Bros/Russian bots of Joe Biden to Donald Trump are absolutely f*cking ridiculous. A hug which felt like one Mississippi too long is equivalent to rape? Give me a break.
155 Likes, 41 Retweets
25) Donald Trump really is an idiot. The guy actually believes it'd make political sense to reopen the country in the midst of an escalating #Coronavirus, because, you know, the stock market. Elders would be at an exponentially greater risk of contracting the virus,...
143 Likes, 40 Retweets
26) Over the past couple days, a handful of people have told me I'm being too hard on the "president," with regard to his #Coronavirus response. Why is he permitted constant excuses for his failures? Why can he take credit for the good times, but dismiss responsibility for the bad?
137 Likes, 26 Retweets
27) Mnuchin: "This is like baseball. The $8.5B was the 1st inning. Yesterdays moves were the 2nd inning, and there will be a lot more ahead."
No, numbnuts. If this were a baseball game, you lollygagged the first three innings, are down, and now playing catch-up.
#CoronaVirusUpdates
132 Likes, 30 Retweets
28) #ThankYouDonaldTrump for showing my son exactly what not to be when he grows up.
145 Likes, 16 Retweets
29) If #Coronavirus were a global mass shooting...
Then
Trump: "Fake guns! Fake bullets! Fake blood! Fake human people! Chinese hoax!"
Dana Bash:
Now
Trump: "Okay, so I tasted some of the ketchup and it wasn't ketchup. Don't bleed, people!"
Bash: "Wow! What a leader, bigly!"
#Snark
123 Likes, 30 Retweets
30) He can only count to "numbers." He thinks the alphabet is a Chinese hoax. He doesn't know his ass from his amygdala. He is the worst president in the world.
He doesn't always speak in word salads, but when he does, he usually says "covfefe."
#TrumpIsTheWORSTPresidentEVER
127 Likes, 23 Retweets
31) Trump: "This Chinese Virus, I mean #Coronavirus thingy proves I'm a wartime president, bigly!"
Really? So if this were a traditional war, you'd let the enemy shoot and kill our troops for a couple of months before saying, "This is getting serious." How comforting...
#Snark
109 Likes, 38 Retweets
31) BREAKING NEWS: "TriStar has just announced the film 'Look Who's Talking Bullsh*t' coming to a screen near you"
#KirstieAlley #Snark
127 Likes, 20 Retweets
33) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/12/20): 21,200.62
Change: +6.9%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
100 Likes, 44 Retweets
34) "I have always treated #Coronavirus very seriously, since I was told to by the crashing markets a few days ago, a couple months too late." There, fixed it for you.
106 Likes, 32 Retweets
35) Trump: "The flu kills 36,000 people every year. No one's talking about that. Fifty people have died so far, maybe less, and that number will continue to lessen. Next week, we'll probably be down to 20, maybe 30. We'll see."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
108 Likes, 27 Retweets
36) Trump: "The Jiiina Virus started in Jiiina, from a bat."
Trump Bible study teacher: "It was THE gays!"
Conclusion: #Coronavirus apparently started courtesy of a gay bat in China.
#Snark
114 Likes, 20 Retweets
Sure, people want to return to work. ...to work, not to die.
#GOPDeathPanels
106 Likes, 24 Retweets
37) Trump: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! So go to work!"
Fauci: "But it might kill you."
Trump: "But it might not."
Fauci: "Why risk death?"
Trump: "Why risk life?"
Fauci: "Exactly. Wait, what you talkin' 'bout, Willis?!?"
#GOPDeathPanels #Snark
102 Likes, 28 Retweets
38) 2/26
Trump: "We only have 15 cases of #Coronavirus. In a couple days, that'll be close to zero."
3/22
32,356 cases and counting
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/
88 Likes, 40 Retweets
Trump: "This started as a Democratic hoax. Then it became a media hoax. Now it's a national emergency hoax."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
94 Likes, 31 Retweets
38) Right-wing reporter: "If 'Chinese food' isn't racist, how can 'Chinese Virus' be racist?!?"
Yeah, just like if 'spider monkey' isn't racist, how can calling a black person a 'monkey' be racist?
#coronavirus
100 Likes, 25 Retweets
40) This is what happens when a "doctor" gets hired, who never took a course in medical school; thinks cancer is a Chinese hoax; couldn't pick out a stethoscope in a lineup next to semi-trucks; and is told to heal the nation.
#TrumptheWorstPresidentEVER
98 Likes, 24 Retweets
41) Trump: "Sure, I'll test. Sometime. Don't know when. Not really important. I mean, I'll pass it. I always do. I got straight 'A's on all my Coronavirus tests. When it happens again, I'll just answer C) for everything. Works every time."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
102 Likes, 17 Retweets
42) Trump: "No, I'm not going to take responsibility for that. You hear these words coming out of my mouth? They're not my words. I didn't make them up. Someone else did. So I can't be held responsible for them. Period."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
83 Likes, 33 Retweets
43) Trump: "We knew about this virus for four months, two months here, and I knew it was a pandemic before pandemicists even did, believe me. So I was totally prepared, but couldn't be prepared because Jiiina didn't notify me even sooner."
#coronavirus #Snark
85 Likes, 29 Retweets
44) Trumpsters lining up to purchase firearms and ammo: "Hey, our right to bear toilet paper shall not be infringed and sh*t! The only way to stop a bad virus without a gun is a good virus with a gun!"
#CoronavirusOutbreak #Snark
86 Likes, 25 Retweets
45) It's quite the scene when Trump lets loose a word salad and all the heads behind him nod in unison.
#CoronaOutbreak
89 Likes, 18 Retweets
46) Alexander: "What do you say to frightened Americans in order to try & comfort them and place them at ease during this pandemic?"
Trump: "I say... F*ck you! You suck! WTF?!? Everyone stay calm! Stay calm! I said STAY THE F*CK CALM!"
Yeah, that should help...
#coronavirus #Snark
93 Likes, 13 Retweets
47) If #Coronavirus were a global mass shooting...
For the first 2-3 months
Trump: "No bigly deal. This is just a bullet hoax. Not the Holocaust."
After the market crashes
Trump: "I knew they were real bullets before anyone else did. Let's give the people a couple bucks."
#Snark
70 Likes, 26 Retweets
48) "Sooo, are you wanting to role-play that hot-ass full-body-condom scene from 'The Naked Gun' as much as I am right now?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
82 Likes, 13 Retweets
49) Trump: "Let's talk about what this national health emergency is really all about - oil prices."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
76 Likes, 11 Retweets
50) "Crazy party at my place! You should come! There will be just you, me, hand sanitizer, masks, and a sh*tload of toilet paper. You down, or is that just a little too kinky for you?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
77 Likes, 6 Retweets
51) What I predict Trump will say at his press conference today:
"I have found the secret to defeating the Chinese Virus! Forget the vaccines! Fake needles! What we need are: the best Chinese General ever - Tso; some chopsticks; and bigly amounts of soy sauce!"
#Coronavirus #Snark
71 Likes, 8 Retweets
52) Trump: "We're working so fast. Nobody has worked faster after taking three months off than we have, believe me!"
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
57 Likes, 17 Retweets
53) Trump: "This unseen enemy, this virus, really snuck up on us. After knowing about it for four months, two months here, we did what every stable genius would do and waited several weeks. The quickest response is one where you wait months to respond. Period."
#coronavirus #Snark
53 Likes, 15 Retweets
53) A couple days ago, I posted the results from an ABC News poll which showed 55% approve Trump's handling of #Coronavirus. Many pointed out the small sample size, so I hoped it was merely an outlier. I now just read the results from a Morning Consult poll, which showed DT's...
55 Likes, 13 Retweets
53) Trump: "This is going to pass through, and we'll be stronger for it. Especially the dead people. They'll be the strongest; this I can promise you!"
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
60 Likes, 8 Retweets
56) Trump: "I still believe this is a hoax and will eventually just flow through, but I've been told it's very importdent..ely for me to mumble the four big words 'national emergency' for the markets to get back on track."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
46 Likes, 17 Retweets
57) Trump: "Everyone is recovering in this country. Many, many people. I'm doing a fantastic job. Just look at the numbers."
Closed Cases in the US: 269
Recoveries: 108 (40%)
Deaths: 161 (60%)
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/
#coronavirus
37 Likes, 25 Retweets
58) Here's "Dr." Carson talking about praying the virus away. Oh, Lord...
#CoronaVirusUpdates #coronapocalypse
41 Likes, 15 Retweets
58) "So, do you buy Charmin here often?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
49 Likes, 7 Retweets
60) Trump: "We've saved many lives waiting months to take this seriously. Many lives. Bigly."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
42 Likes, 10 Retweets
60) The Donald is looking and sounding extra Adderally today...
#Coronavirus
48 Likes, 4 Retweets
62) "Wanna come to my place, listen to some Billy Idol, and do what the song suggests by dancing with ourselves? Only with each other? But in separate rooms? Whew, is it getting hot in here?!?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
44 Likes, 6 Retweets
63) I can just see it now - The Donald's 2020 campaign slogan will be: "Vote Trump! Two Very Big Words!"
#CoronaOutbreak #coronapocalypse
38 Likes, 11 Retweets
64) :: from the other side of the room ::
"HEY, YOU OVER THERE! CAN I TEXT YOU SOMETIME? I PROMISE TO WEAR GLOVES!"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
39 Likes, 8 Retweets
64) "Damn, girl, I hope you look as good from 6 mm as you do from 6'. No, no, not yet. Let's not move too fast. 6' is already 2nd base. Two more feet and we'll already be at home plate."
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
43 Likes, 4 Retweets
66) Pence: "I don't know anything about that baseball sport, but I think Mnuchin's analogy was spot on. This is early in the game. We're in the 1st quarter, at half court, about to spike the ball over the net and into the hole to win the Super Bowl."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
35 Likes, 9 Retweets
66) God, Trump is such a...
#coronavirus
41 Likes, 3 Retweets
68) Trump: "The only thing I haven't been perfect on, with the General Tso Virus, is the media. They've been very not nice to me, bigly."
#coronavirus #Snark
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
69) Trump: "What are you talking about? Other leaders are following my lead on the Soy Sauce Virus. This is why their numbers are on the fall while ours are on the rise. It just makes sense, people. It just makes sense."
#coronavirus #Snark
28 Likes, 10 Retweets
70) Trump: "I know the truth. No one else knows the truth, but me, okay?"
Politifact, what say you?
True: 4%
Mostly True: 10%
Mostly False: 21%
False: 34%
Pants on Fire: 14%
https://politifact.com/personalities/donald-trump/
#coronavirus
30 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) "Trump officials emphasize that coronavirus 'Made in China'"
Hmm, so perhaps the "orange" of the virus was a Trump tie.
https://news.yahoo.com/trump-officials-emphasize-coronavirus-made-042437414.html
#coronavirus
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
72) How Trumpers are fighting #Coronavirus...
32 Likes, 0 Retweets
73) "Wanna Netflix-and-chill? Seriously, I've got the two-screen-streaming plan. You can watch the show or movie of your choice in the family room and I'll do the same in the living room."
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
29 Likes, 1 Retweet
74) "Has anyone ever told you that you look like... Wait, come closer... Not that close! What are you trying to do?!? Back the f*ck up! Where was I? Whatever, so do you wanna go out sometime?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
25 Likes, 2 Retweets
75) ...and now a ghost speaks about Coronavirus. Probably not the best strategy. Just sayin'.
#CoronaVirusUpdates #coronapocalypse
17 Likes, 5 Retweets
76) "The answer is yes, that is a cucumber in my pants, and I'm happy to see you. I'm just letting you know because you've gotta be, what, 10 feet away from me right now? Anyway, you're welcome!"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
17 Likes, 4 Retweets
Totals: 17, 516 Likes, 5,727 Retweets (Averages of 230.5 Likes, 75.4 Retweets)
1) Dear #SenateRepublicans:
Trickle-down economics was debunked a long time ago.
Sincerely,
The Actual Workers
#CoronavirusOutbreak
2.5K Likes, 825 Retweets
2) Dems: "Let's make it so more people have health insurance."
GOP: "Death panels!"
Trump: "Let's open the country back up in the midst of a deadly virus, at the risk of people's lives, for the sake of billionaires."
GOP: "Hey, if you die, you die."
#GOPDeathPanels
1.9K Likes, 1.0K Retweets
3) GOP: "We need to place 99% of the people's lives at risk so we can make our top 1% friends & donors happy!"
Here's just another example of the GOP not being as "pro-life" as they claim. The GOP is as pro-life as Shrek is pro-draining-the-swamp.
#GOPDeathPanels
1.4K Likes, 524 Retweets
4) Did the Surgeon General, who recently said Trump was in better health than him, just tell everyone to not spread misinformation?
#CoronaVirusUpdates #coronapocalypse
1.1K Likes, 312 Retweets
5) Mike Pence can't be seen. Bill Barr looks like a hostage who's fallen asleep. Deborah Birx has just broken the record for heavy sighs in a 2-min span. They're all behind lil Donny. If this isn't emblematic of the Trump White House, I don't know what is.
#whitehousePressconference
1.0K Likes, 241 Retweets
6) Trump really is substituting rallies with these press conferences, isn't he? It sounds like he's repeating the same speech from yesterday. What a waste of time...
#Coronavirus
770 Likes, 204 Retweets
7) 2/26
Trump: "There are just 15 cases & the number is going down. It'll be zero soon. We've got this totally under control."
3/24
Trump: "There are just 46,000 cases & the number is going down. It'll be zero soon. So go back to work!"
#GOPDeathPanels #Snark
633 Likes, 269 Retweets
8) GOP
- "Tax cuts for the rich will trickle down to everyone else."
- "Corporations are people, my friend."
- "We need to bring people back to work to save the stock market. If people die, so be it."
Remember all this in November.
#coronavirus
352 Likes, 158 Retweets
9) Trump: "Here, kids. I'm going to show you how to spread Coronavirus by shaking everyone's hand and about swallowing this microphone before others use it."
#TrumpIsTheWORSTPresidentEVER
#Snark
383 Likes, 91 Retweets
10) 1) Republicans attempt to pass a #Coronavirus bill for the top 1%.
2) Democrats vote it down, saying we should pass a bill for the other 99%.
3) Republicans start spouting that Democrats voted against 100% of the people.
4) Yes, Republicans believe 1 = 100, b/c, you know, math.
310 Likes, 162 Retweets
11) It happened. On 3/18/20, Donald Trump's precious Dow Jones dropped below the number at which he received it from Barack Obama, which was 19,827.30.
#coronavirus #marketcrash
270 Likes, 128 Retweets
12) Trump: "This is a very exciting time. I've approved two new drugs: the Klonococoafluffygobstopper and Jinajinajinabismoletapp. These are game-changers, folks, like no question. But maybe not. I think they will be, though, or not."
#coronavirus #Snark
293 Likes, 90 Retweets
12) Just now...
"There's no such thing as a stupid question."
Trump: "Hold my Adderall..."
#whitehousePressconference
#Snark
327 Likes, 56 Retweets
14) Trump: "That's a nasty question. You say I got rid of the pandemic team? I don't know anything about this. Do you? Does anyone up here? Look, I don't know what's going on 99% of the time. I just ask Puty what to do and he tells me."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
269 Likes, 81 Retweets
15) Pence: "I may be anti-gay, but Mr. President, I'm going to gleefully kiss your butt for several minutes right now."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
274 Likes, 60 Retweets
16) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/18/20): 19,898.92
Change: +0.4%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
220 Likes, 107 Retweets
17) Trumpsters' new line of defense: "Things were going great before the virus!"
Things don't work that way. You can't say, "Things were going great for the Titanic before the iceberg!"
It happened. How did Trump respond? Like a fool, which is why we are where we are.
#coronavirus
236 Likes, 79 Retweets
18) Trump: "Instead of doing anything to actually fight #Coronavirus, we're just going to stand in front of the press every day, telling the people we're doing everything to do so, while blaming everyone else for the lack of results, bc we care about markets more than people."
#Snark
235 Likes, 78 Retweets
19) Given the Trumpers' main talking point today about wanting to sacrifice the lives of our most vulnerable so the economy doesn't collapse, perhaps Democrats should try harder to woo the votes of the elderly.
Slogan:
"I don't want you to die.
Vote Biden!"
#GOPDeathPanels
202 Likes, 82 Retweets
20) Trump: "The first thing you all should do is stop shaking hands. Now I'm going to shake all these people's hands."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
239 Likes, 44 Retweets
21) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/16/20): 20,188.52
Change: +1.8%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
180 Likes, 77 Retweets
22) If Trump shot someone on 5th Avenue...
Trump: "Look, I didn't make the gun; used someone else's money for the bullets; and the guy's face got in the way, so no, I don't take any responsibility at all."
#IDontTakeResponsibilityAtAll
#Snark
186 Likes, 36 Retweets
23) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/20/20): 19,173.98
Change: -3.3%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
146 Likes, 56 Retweets
24) #BelieveWomen. These comparisons made by Bernie Bros/Russian bots of Joe Biden to Donald Trump are absolutely f*cking ridiculous. A hug which felt like one Mississippi too long is equivalent to rape? Give me a break.
155 Likes, 41 Retweets
25) Donald Trump really is an idiot. The guy actually believes it'd make political sense to reopen the country in the midst of an escalating #Coronavirus, because, you know, the stock market. Elders would be at an exponentially greater risk of contracting the virus,...
143 Likes, 40 Retweets
26) Over the past couple days, a handful of people have told me I'm being too hard on the "president," with regard to his #Coronavirus response. Why is he permitted constant excuses for his failures? Why can he take credit for the good times, but dismiss responsibility for the bad?
137 Likes, 26 Retweets
27) Mnuchin: "This is like baseball. The $8.5B was the 1st inning. Yesterdays moves were the 2nd inning, and there will be a lot more ahead."
No, numbnuts. If this were a baseball game, you lollygagged the first three innings, are down, and now playing catch-up.
#CoronaVirusUpdates
132 Likes, 30 Retweets
28) #ThankYouDonaldTrump for showing my son exactly what not to be when he grows up.
145 Likes, 16 Retweets
29) If #Coronavirus were a global mass shooting...
Then
Trump: "Fake guns! Fake bullets! Fake blood! Fake human people! Chinese hoax!"
Dana Bash:
Now
Trump: "Okay, so I tasted some of the ketchup and it wasn't ketchup. Don't bleed, people!"
Bash: "Wow! What a leader, bigly!"
#Snark
123 Likes, 30 Retweets
30) He can only count to "numbers." He thinks the alphabet is a Chinese hoax. He doesn't know his ass from his amygdala. He is the worst president in the world.
He doesn't always speak in word salads, but when he does, he usually says "covfefe."
#TrumpIsTheWORSTPresidentEVER
127 Likes, 23 Retweets
31) Trump: "This Chinese Virus, I mean #Coronavirus thingy proves I'm a wartime president, bigly!"
Really? So if this were a traditional war, you'd let the enemy shoot and kill our troops for a couple of months before saying, "This is getting serious." How comforting...
#Snark
109 Likes, 38 Retweets
31) BREAKING NEWS: "TriStar has just announced the film 'Look Who's Talking Bullsh*t' coming to a screen near you"
#KirstieAlley #Snark
127 Likes, 20 Retweets
33) Dow Jones
Recession low (3/6/09): 6,469.95
When Obama left office (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Change: +206.5%
When Trump took over (1/20/17): 19,827.30
Today (3/12/20): 21,200.62
Change: +6.9%
Number needed for Trump to match Obama: 60,760.76
Chance it will happen: Zero
#marketcrash
100 Likes, 44 Retweets
34) "I have always treated #Coronavirus very seriously, since I was told to by the crashing markets a few days ago, a couple months too late." There, fixed it for you.
106 Likes, 32 Retweets
35) Trump: "The flu kills 36,000 people every year. No one's talking about that. Fifty people have died so far, maybe less, and that number will continue to lessen. Next week, we'll probably be down to 20, maybe 30. We'll see."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
108 Likes, 27 Retweets
36) Trump: "The Jiiina Virus started in Jiiina, from a bat."
Trump Bible study teacher: "It was THE gays!"
Conclusion: #Coronavirus apparently started courtesy of a gay bat in China.
#Snark
114 Likes, 20 Retweets
Sure, people want to return to work. ...to work, not to die.
#GOPDeathPanels
106 Likes, 24 Retweets
37) Trump: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! So go to work!"
Fauci: "But it might kill you."
Trump: "But it might not."
Fauci: "Why risk death?"
Trump: "Why risk life?"
Fauci: "Exactly. Wait, what you talkin' 'bout, Willis?!?"
#GOPDeathPanels #Snark
102 Likes, 28 Retweets
38) 2/26
Trump: "We only have 15 cases of #Coronavirus. In a couple days, that'll be close to zero."
3/22
32,356 cases and counting
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/
88 Likes, 40 Retweets
Trump: "This started as a Democratic hoax. Then it became a media hoax. Now it's a national emergency hoax."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
94 Likes, 31 Retweets
38) Right-wing reporter: "If 'Chinese food' isn't racist, how can 'Chinese Virus' be racist?!?"
Yeah, just like if 'spider monkey' isn't racist, how can calling a black person a 'monkey' be racist?
#coronavirus
100 Likes, 25 Retweets
40) This is what happens when a "doctor" gets hired, who never took a course in medical school; thinks cancer is a Chinese hoax; couldn't pick out a stethoscope in a lineup next to semi-trucks; and is told to heal the nation.
#TrumptheWorstPresidentEVER
98 Likes, 24 Retweets
41) Trump: "Sure, I'll test. Sometime. Don't know when. Not really important. I mean, I'll pass it. I always do. I got straight 'A's on all my Coronavirus tests. When it happens again, I'll just answer C) for everything. Works every time."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
102 Likes, 17 Retweets
42) Trump: "No, I'm not going to take responsibility for that. You hear these words coming out of my mouth? They're not my words. I didn't make them up. Someone else did. So I can't be held responsible for them. Period."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
83 Likes, 33 Retweets
43) Trump: "We knew about this virus for four months, two months here, and I knew it was a pandemic before pandemicists even did, believe me. So I was totally prepared, but couldn't be prepared because Jiiina didn't notify me even sooner."
#coronavirus #Snark
85 Likes, 29 Retweets
44) Trumpsters lining up to purchase firearms and ammo: "Hey, our right to bear toilet paper shall not be infringed and sh*t! The only way to stop a bad virus without a gun is a good virus with a gun!"
#CoronavirusOutbreak #Snark
86 Likes, 25 Retweets
45) It's quite the scene when Trump lets loose a word salad and all the heads behind him nod in unison.
#CoronaOutbreak
89 Likes, 18 Retweets
46) Alexander: "What do you say to frightened Americans in order to try & comfort them and place them at ease during this pandemic?"
Trump: "I say... F*ck you! You suck! WTF?!? Everyone stay calm! Stay calm! I said STAY THE F*CK CALM!"
Yeah, that should help...
#coronavirus #Snark
93 Likes, 13 Retweets
47) If #Coronavirus were a global mass shooting...
For the first 2-3 months
Trump: "No bigly deal. This is just a bullet hoax. Not the Holocaust."
After the market crashes
Trump: "I knew they were real bullets before anyone else did. Let's give the people a couple bucks."
#Snark
70 Likes, 26 Retweets
48) "Sooo, are you wanting to role-play that hot-ass full-body-condom scene from 'The Naked Gun' as much as I am right now?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
82 Likes, 13 Retweets
49) Trump: "Let's talk about what this national health emergency is really all about - oil prices."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
76 Likes, 11 Retweets
50) "Crazy party at my place! You should come! There will be just you, me, hand sanitizer, masks, and a sh*tload of toilet paper. You down, or is that just a little too kinky for you?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
77 Likes, 6 Retweets
51) What I predict Trump will say at his press conference today:
"I have found the secret to defeating the Chinese Virus! Forget the vaccines! Fake needles! What we need are: the best Chinese General ever - Tso; some chopsticks; and bigly amounts of soy sauce!"
#Coronavirus #Snark
71 Likes, 8 Retweets
52) Trump: "We're working so fast. Nobody has worked faster after taking three months off than we have, believe me!"
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
57 Likes, 17 Retweets
53) Trump: "This unseen enemy, this virus, really snuck up on us. After knowing about it for four months, two months here, we did what every stable genius would do and waited several weeks. The quickest response is one where you wait months to respond. Period."
#coronavirus #Snark
53 Likes, 15 Retweets
53) A couple days ago, I posted the results from an ABC News poll which showed 55% approve Trump's handling of #Coronavirus. Many pointed out the small sample size, so I hoped it was merely an outlier. I now just read the results from a Morning Consult poll, which showed DT's...
55 Likes, 13 Retweets
53) Trump: "This is going to pass through, and we'll be stronger for it. Especially the dead people. They'll be the strongest; this I can promise you!"
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
60 Likes, 8 Retweets
56) Trump: "I still believe this is a hoax and will eventually just flow through, but I've been told it's very importdent..ely for me to mumble the four big words 'national emergency' for the markets to get back on track."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
46 Likes, 17 Retweets
57) Trump: "Everyone is recovering in this country. Many, many people. I'm doing a fantastic job. Just look at the numbers."
Closed Cases in the US: 269
Recoveries: 108 (40%)
Deaths: 161 (60%)
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/
#coronavirus
37 Likes, 25 Retweets
58) Here's "Dr." Carson talking about praying the virus away. Oh, Lord...
#CoronaVirusUpdates #coronapocalypse
41 Likes, 15 Retweets
58) "So, do you buy Charmin here often?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
49 Likes, 7 Retweets
60) Trump: "We've saved many lives waiting months to take this seriously. Many lives. Bigly."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
42 Likes, 10 Retweets
60) The Donald is looking and sounding extra Adderally today...
#Coronavirus
48 Likes, 4 Retweets
62) "Wanna come to my place, listen to some Billy Idol, and do what the song suggests by dancing with ourselves? Only with each other? But in separate rooms? Whew, is it getting hot in here?!?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
44 Likes, 6 Retweets
63) I can just see it now - The Donald's 2020 campaign slogan will be: "Vote Trump! Two Very Big Words!"
#CoronaOutbreak #coronapocalypse
38 Likes, 11 Retweets
64) :: from the other side of the room ::
"HEY, YOU OVER THERE! CAN I TEXT YOU SOMETIME? I PROMISE TO WEAR GLOVES!"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
39 Likes, 8 Retweets
64) "Damn, girl, I hope you look as good from 6 mm as you do from 6'. No, no, not yet. Let's not move too fast. 6' is already 2nd base. Two more feet and we'll already be at home plate."
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
43 Likes, 4 Retweets
66) Pence: "I don't know anything about that baseball sport, but I think Mnuchin's analogy was spot on. This is early in the game. We're in the 1st quarter, at half court, about to spike the ball over the net and into the hole to win the Super Bowl."
#CoronaOutbreak #Snark
35 Likes, 9 Retweets
66) God, Trump is such a...
#coronavirus
41 Likes, 3 Retweets
68) Trump: "The only thing I haven't been perfect on, with the General Tso Virus, is the media. They've been very not nice to me, bigly."
#coronavirus #Snark
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
69) Trump: "What are you talking about? Other leaders are following my lead on the Soy Sauce Virus. This is why their numbers are on the fall while ours are on the rise. It just makes sense, people. It just makes sense."
#coronavirus #Snark
28 Likes, 10 Retweets
70) Trump: "I know the truth. No one else knows the truth, but me, okay?"
Politifact, what say you?
True: 4%
Mostly True: 10%
Mostly False: 21%
False: 34%
Pants on Fire: 14%
https://politifact.com/personalities/donald-trump/
#coronavirus
30 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) "Trump officials emphasize that coronavirus 'Made in China'"
Hmm, so perhaps the "orange" of the virus was a Trump tie.
https://news.yahoo.com/trump-officials-emphasize-coronavirus-made-042437414.html
#coronavirus
28 Likes, 5 Retweets
72) How Trumpers are fighting #Coronavirus...
32 Likes, 0 Retweets
73) "Wanna Netflix-and-chill? Seriously, I've got the two-screen-streaming plan. You can watch the show or movie of your choice in the family room and I'll do the same in the living room."
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
29 Likes, 1 Retweet
74) "Has anyone ever told you that you look like... Wait, come closer... Not that close! What are you trying to do?!? Back the f*ck up! Where was I? Whatever, so do you wanna go out sometime?"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
25 Likes, 2 Retweets
75) ...and now a ghost speaks about Coronavirus. Probably not the best strategy. Just sayin'.
#CoronaVirusUpdates #coronapocalypse
17 Likes, 5 Retweets
76) "The answer is yes, that is a cucumber in my pants, and I'm happy to see you. I'm just letting you know because you've gotta be, what, 10 feet away from me right now? Anyway, you're welcome!"
#SocialDistancingPickUpLines
17 Likes, 4 Retweets
Totals: 17, 516 Likes, 5,727 Retweets (Averages of 230.5 Likes, 75.4 Retweets)
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