Podcast: "I Feel Snitty"
Episode 71: A Hole-in-None
Premiere Date: 9/3/20
Length: 6:10 (913 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/a-hole-in-none/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 71, entitled, “A Hole-in-None.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
In a recent episode of The Ingraham Angle, host Laura Ingraham engaged in the following back-and-forth with Donald Trump:
Ingraham: “It’s more dangerous to be a police officer today, do you not think, than it has been in a long time?”
Trump: “The police are under siege because of things … They can do 10,000 great acts, which is what they do. And one bad apple, or a choker, you know, a choker, they choke. Shooting the guy.”
Ingraham: “You mean they panic?”
Trump: “Shooting the guy in the back many times. I mean, couldn’t you have done something different? Couldn’t you have wrestled him? In the meantime, he might’ve been going for a weapon, and there’s a whole big thing there. But they choke. Just like in a golf tournament, they miss a three-foot-“
Ingraham: “You’re not comparing it to golf, because of course, that’s what the media will say.”
Trump: “I’m saying people choke.”
Ingraham: “People might, people hack.”
Trump: “People choke, and people are bad people. You have both. You have some bad people, and you have, they choke. You could be a police officer for 15 years, and all of a sudden you’re confronted. You’ve got a quarter of a second to make a decision. If you don’t make the decision and you’re wrong, you’re dead. People choke under those circumstances, and they make a bad decision. I’ve seen bad decisions of people that, it looked bad, but probably it was a choke. But you also have bad police, but you also … The vast, not only the vast majority, thousands and thousands of great acts, and one bad one, and you make the evening news for weeks.”
There we have it. We heard it from the “president” himself – a cop shooting an unarmed black man in the back 7 times is like golf. Given that, expect Trump to make the following nonsensical sports analogies in the future, if he hasn’t already:
Football
“Abortion is like football in a lot of ways. When a defensive guy hits a person with the ball, it’s okay for a while, but if it’s too late, that player should be punished. What I’m saying is, women who have late-term abortions should get a 15-yard penalty and the baby should get an automatic first down.”
Baseball
“Finding a cure for COVID is kind of like baseball, you know? It’s one of those curveballs life throws at you, and no matter what, you can’t just stand there with your bat on your head. If you’re going to go down, you have to go down swinging. If you just make contact with that knuckleball, no, you don’t know where it might go, but it’ll go somewhere, and that’s something.”
Bowling
“When I think about gun-control, the first thing which always comes to mind is bowling. Bowling balls don’t knock pins down; people do. Also, whenever I go to the shooting range, I pick out the 16-lb. gun and rent the best shoes, believe me!”
Volleyball
“Drugs are like volleyball. They just keep passing hands, there’s the set-up, and then the spike is the overdose that kills the player by the net. We lose a lot of good people in the sand that way, bigly.
Hockey
“Hockey is just like marriage. You dribble the puck around and keep shooting until you score. Sometimes you get a few teeth knocked out during this whole process, but in the end, it’s worth it if you find the right one. Then, I mean, if you wind up in the penalty box and get divorced, you just go on the power play and do it all over again.”
Basketball
“Whenever I watch basketball, which is hardly never, I always think about universal healthcare. Remember Shaq at the free throw line? They’re called free throws – figuratively, yet as he proved, nothing is ever free. Even if the thing is called free something, it’s not free. It’s a fact – Shaq at the free throw line proves universal healthcare can’t happen.”
Curling
“Curling is the climate-change of sports. Nobody knows what in the hell it’s about; what the point is; or even if it’s real. The ice doesn’t even melt! It’s gotta be a Jiiinese hoax!”
Pool
“You know what’s always reminded me of racism? Pool. Think about it. No matter the color, all the balls matter, but the rules are discriminatory. It’s all about the black one. If you knock that in, bam, you’re dead. It’s kind of like BLM. All lives matter, but if you mess with a black person, bam, you’re dead. Oh, and I’m not racist. I’m just sayin’ black people and black balls are like death. Again, not racist.”
Hurdles
“I’ve never watched the hurdles, but many people tell me it’s like the death penalty. You see, it usually goes so fast, but once in a while, the guy pulling the lever trips on something, and that’s when people bitch about cruel and unusual punishment.”
Soccer
“Abuse is a lot like soccer. You play around with a patchy ball; never use your hands; and if you’re caught, you get a red card. Also, the scores are always like 1-0.”
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
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