Skip to main content

What I learned in Week 3 of the NFL season

In Week 3 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., if you were in a Western draw; your opponent was the Atlanta Falcons; said opponent fired their bullet early; and it was a millimeter from your face, you'd have him right where you want him.

- ...the question no longer is, "Which came first - the chicken or the egg?" No, the question now is, "Who sucked worst - Sam Darnold or the New York Jets?"

- ...the only thing more offensive than the Washington football team's former nickname would be if they changed it to the Haskins Picks.

- ...you should never wear a white undershirt around Myles Garrett after Labor Day.

- ...the film "Face/Off" was a psychic foreshadowing of what obviously occurred in the off-season between Josh Allen and Carson Wentz.

- ..., following their team's 0-3 start, it's now being rumored that Vikings fans will start referring to their starting quarterback as Kirk Second Cousins.

- ..., after watching the Jets and Giants on Sunday, Frank Sinatra came back to life just to say, "I don't want to be a part of New York anymore."

- ...it's becoming ever apparent most of the fake crowd noise was taken from recordings of girlfriends who didn't find their boyfriends funny, but were trying to be nice.

- ...Adrian Peterson spins so slowly, people often mistake him for Kellyanne Conway with a ball of yarn, after taking some Prozac.

- ..., if Ryan Fitzpatrick's Sam Adams beard and Gardner Minshew's '70s porn mustache had a baby, it'd be a sh*tty Thursday night game they named Primtime.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i...
Post a Comment
Read more