Skip to main content

What I learned in Week 3 of the NFL season

In Week 3 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., if you were in a Western draw; your opponent was the Atlanta Falcons; said opponent fired their bullet early; and it was a millimeter from your face, you'd have him right where you want him.

- ...the question no longer is, "Which came first - the chicken or the egg?" No, the question now is, "Who sucked worst - Sam Darnold or the New York Jets?"

- ...the only thing more offensive than the Washington football team's former nickname would be if they changed it to the Haskins Picks.

- ...you should never wear a white undershirt around Myles Garrett after Labor Day.

- ...the film "Face/Off" was a psychic foreshadowing of what obviously occurred in the off-season between Josh Allen and Carson Wentz.

- ..., following their team's 0-3 start, it's now being rumored that Vikings fans will start referring to their starting quarterback as Kirk Second Cousins.

- ..., after watching the Jets and Giants on Sunday, Frank Sinatra came back to life just to say, "I don't want to be a part of New York anymore."

- ...it's becoming ever apparent most of the fake crowd noise was taken from recordings of girlfriends who didn't find their boyfriends funny, but were trying to be nice.

- ...Adrian Peterson spins so slowly, people often mistake him for Kellyanne Conway with a ball of yarn, after taking some Prozac.

- ..., if Ryan Fitzpatrick's Sam Adams beard and Gardner Minshew's '70s porn mustache had a baby, it'd be a sh*tty Thursday night game they named Primtime.

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

Trump's Lie Tally at the CNN Debate

1) "We had the greatest economy in the history of our country. We had never done so well. Every – everybody was amazed by it. Other countries were copying us." 2) "But the thing we never got the credit for, and we should have, is getting us out of that COVID mess." 3) "The only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants and bounceback jobs; they’re bounced back from the COVID." 4) "Not going to drive them higher. It’s just going to cause countries that have been ripping us off for years, like China and many others, in all fairness to China – it’s going to just force them to pay us a lot of money, reduce our deficit tremendously, and give us a lot of power for other things." (tariffs) 5) "He also said he inherited 9 percent inflation." 6) "No, he inherited almost no inflation and it stayed that way for 14 months. And then it blew up under his leadership, because they spent money like a bunch of people that didn’t know what t...
Post a Comment
Read more