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What I learned in Week 1 of the NFL season

 In Week 1 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the NFC South will likely be renamed the AARP South, as three of the teams' four starting quarterbacks have 119 years between them (Tom Brady - 43, Drew Brees - 41, and Matt Ryan - 35).

- ..., to a road team, the only thing scarier than drunken men screaming is cardboard cutouts of those same drunken men screaming.

- ...one game with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers proves Tom Brady's 20 years with the New England Patriots were a fluke.

- ..., now that kneeling is being more widely accepted, Colin Kaepernick will likely start doing handstands during the national anthem, just to see if it catches on.

- ..., after the Lions went up 20-6 on the Chicago Bears, I sarcastically texted my dad that they were Super Bowl-bound. They went onto lose 27-23. This will go down in the history books as the start of the Rozniecki Curse - that or the Lions just suck.

- ...Andy Reid's so hot, he fogs up face-shields during night games in September.

- ...Joe Burrow's reaction to his team's missed field goal at the end of their game with the Los Angeles Chargers, which would have tied things, should immediately be placed onto the "Welcome to Cincinnati" sign.

- ..., if Vince Lombardi had spent his career with the Cleveland Browns organization, the Lombardi Trophy would instead be called the Someone Else Trophy.

- ...Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins recently said about the COVID pandemic, "If I die, I die." When it comes to facing the Green Bay Packers, he should say, "When I lose, I lose," because he always loses.

- ..., as the team is located in DC, the former "Redskins" franchise should be renamed the Washington Grifters and just be done with it.

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