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Is it cheating when...?

So, I heard an interesting story from a good friend of mine last night. She's had rough run of it lately when it comes to her living situation. She had been living with her husband, but filed for divorce and was forced to leave the house. She then moved in with a married couple and things were awkward from the start. She almost immediately began to look elsewhere, but due to money constraints at the time, her options were limited. Before I knew it, she moved out-of-state to be with her boyfriend. That didn't last too terribly long and she moved back in with her father and siblings. Her brother's wife was about to fly back from China and there wouldn't be room for my friend when she did that, so she was told to leave by such and such date. Lucky for her, a friend and his wife welcomed her almost right away. She's been living there for three weeks and just learned yesterday that the wife wants her to leave and she has until next Monday to do so. Fortunately, she already has one potential prospect as far as roommates goes, but geez, can't this girl catch a break?

As far as this most recent situation goes, I've pondered it over a bit and am not sure what to make of it. I guess this couple has had their share of problems, especially in the past year or two. They seem to be distant in all phases of the relationship, especially with regard to physical intimacy. My friend and this guy had been meeting up at restaurants or bars not long before she was welcomed to stay for a while, and based on what my friend told me, it seemed as if this married man had some feelings for her. Of course, he didn't say this outright, so it was left to one's interpretation, but based on everything I heard, I'd be hard-pressed to believe he didn't hold an interest greater than that of a friendship. In any case, I guess after my friend moved in, the two of them began to spend a great deal of time together and have appeared to get closer over the past three weeks. They'd go out over the weekends. They'd flirt quite a bit (with him being the instigator more times than not, it appeared). He'd be somewhat physical with her, through back or foot massages. The two of them would stay up late, talk and watch tv together, while the man's wife laid in bed. They appeared to have a very open relationship with each other, much more so than the man and his wife. They could talk about anything, could be intimate to an extent, seemed to hold common interests and enjoyed one another's company. I guess this man's wife told her husband yesterday that my friend is too pretty to live there and sees her as a threat to their marriage. My friend then asked if what occurred between she and the married man could constitute as cheating.

I have mixed feelings about this. I don't necessarily think what transpired between the two of them was cheating. However, I guess the age-old question is, "How would you feel if your significant other did something similar with another member of the opposite sex?"

Me personally? Like I said, I have mixed feelings. If I were married and a single male friend of my wife's stayed with us for a little while, I don't think I'd have any problem with he and my wife doing some of the before-mentioned things in moderation. If they hung out, talked and watched tv while I was in bed every now and again, I'd have no problem with that. If they met up/went out on the weekends, again, if that happened here and there, I'd be cool with that as well. The massages? I think if they didn't occur regularly, that'd be fine also. Like I said, I think those things would be just fine in moderation. That's what good friends do. They can talk to one another till the wee hours of the morning, hang out and watch shows, go out and have a good time and be physical to a certain extent. However, if it becomes frequent, I think I'd then begin to wonder. If my wife were spending most every night hanging out with this other man, talking to him and watching tv with the guy and not spending any time with me, I'd be kind of hurt by that and would wonder if she held stronger feelings for him than me. Also, just in general, if she were more intimate with another man than with me, that'd really begin to make me wonder. I'd have the least bit of problem with the two of them going and hanging out somewhere, followed by talking till late at night, with the back massages heading more into the gray area followed by the foot massages presenting themselves in an even grayer area, all of this being the case if the events occur rather regularly. If cuddling were to occur, that'd be a very tricky one for me. I call cuddling the gateway drug for further intimacy, so I think I'd be most uncomfortable if I caught my wife cuddling with the guy. That would prompt a talk to see what was going on, if I had anything to worry about and if not, if she wouldn't mind compromising with me on a few things.

In the grand scheme of things, however, I highly doubt the before-mentioned events would have occurred had this man and his wife been happy with their marriage. It appears as if my friend filled a void in the man's relationship with his wife and has been scapegoated by the wife due to her denial of problems existing in their relationship. In any case, if I were the guy in this situation, I wouldn't try to fill this void while still being married. I'd try to talk to my wife about things and if I felt it was the rational decision, file for divorce. It wouldn't matter if it were my friend or another single woman living with this couple right now, the same thing would have occurred and the cycle will continue until this married couple deals with their problems.

So, as I asked in the title of this blog, "Is it cheating?" No, not exactly, but when the before-mentioned events occur on a regular basis, it would definitely make me suspicious of there being cheating or the potential for there to be cheating.

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