Perhaps I'm not with the times when it comes to Facebook; I don't know. But what is the deal with Facebook-stalking? How frequently does it take place and why do people do it? I suppose "following" or "stalking" can be quite commonplace on other sites, like Twitter, Tumblr and Blogger. However, Twitter limits users to 140 characters per post and there doesn't appear to be nearly as many pictures shared, lengthy back-and-forth discussions (how deep can a discussion be when limited to 140 characters per post? Seriously?), not as much personal information shared unto the masses, etc. as Facebook. Tumblr and Blogger opens readers up to potentially more personal information about the person. However, again, the options afforded to people on these blog-esque sites are also available at Facebook, along with several others. So, while "stalking" seems fairly commonplace on social networking sites, I just have to believe that Facebook is a different beast than the likes of Twitter, Tumblr and Blogger, among many others.
I ran into such confusion earlier in the year with regard to "the poke" and how I didn't understand it. I looked it up and asked a few people and the views expressed were of a rather wide variety. I heard or read anything from "It's just a way of saying hi" to "It obviously means they're thinking about you and are interested". I even read one story where a married couple confessed that it all started with a Facebook poke. That may be an extremely rare scenario, but still, it seems as if there isn't a right answer. I would have to believe that a person wouldn't go and poke just anyone. The pokee obviously crossed the poker's mind, so chances are the poker either cares for the pokee on some level, friendship or otherwise, or there could potentially be a stronger interest present.
I have a feeling the same is true of Facebook-stalking, but get an uneasy feeling whenever I hear or read the word "stalk" and while a "poke" could very well just mean "hi, how are you? You crossed my mind for a second here and I thought I'd wave and say hello," to stalk someone's Facebook page, I'd have to believe there's some level of interest, to invest so much of a person's time reading up on another, looking at their photos, checking to see who they're talking to, etc. It's one thing to do what I think most people do and check out their newsfeed to see what people have to say or if there are any funny photos/cartoons posted which they can either "like" or comment on, but to constantly feel the need to check another person's page? Eh, that has to make me wonder some.
I looked up Facebook-stalking to hopefully garner a better understanding of it and many people said the following - "Everyone does it. If you say you don't, you're a liar." Again, when I hear "everyone does it" with regard to Facebook, I immediately think of them checking the main newsfeed on a regular basis. This doesn't narrow things down to one or two people. All of one's friends', unless they've hidden another's posts, statuses and comments will be showcased on this very newsfeed. I figure anyone with a Facebook account likely does this at least once when they sign on. But, really? EVERYONE stalks another on Facebook? I think what troubles me about this practice is the fact I've only done this twice and both times, the stalkee (that sounds so bad) was a woman I was interested in whom had given me mixed signals and I was trying to garner a better read on both she and the situation. After one finally told me she wasn't interested and the other started dating someone else, that was all the information I needed to stop "stalking" their Facebook pages. I received my answer and that was that. Also, for the most part, the stories I've heard from friends of mine regarding Facebook-stalking, either involve them constantly checking on someone they're interested in or they themselves being stalked by someone whom is interested in them as more than a friend. There have been a couple times when friends of mine have told me they constantly check on my page, but then again, one is 43, married with two kids and the other is in her 60s. Me being 30 and single, I'm not thinking there's any chance that either of them Facebook-stalk me for any other reason than to check up on my life, my health and read my, what many have told me are, humorous statuses and comments. So, I can see why a person would stalk another on Facebook when they have no romantic interest in them (or obsession), but again, these people were either several years older than myself and either married with kids or decades older.
If I were to date someone, would there be a certain boundary she and I shouldn't cross when it comes to Facebook-stalking? Is there a person or type of person we shouldn't be stalking on the site and if caught, we could spark worries or distrust? Each other? I have to imagine that's very common, but I could see how this may lead to problems. If the two people involved are constantly stalking one another's page and come across comments made by members of the opposite sex whom they don't know about or know dated their boyfriend or girlfriend, or perhaps someone whom they heard likes their boyfriend or girlfriend, then that could prompt a few questions and some drama. But, so long as the two people are open and honest with one another, I'd like to think the Facebook-stalking of each other wouldn't lead to such before-mentioned problems. What about exes? I only have one ex as a Facebook friend. Once in a great while I'll check her page or e-mail her to see how things are going, but that's it. I'd say, on average, twice a year we briefly catch up with one another's lives. So, I'm pretty certain that can't be classified as stalking. The fact we haven't actually seen one another in 9 years should also be a good indicator I'm not "stalking" her in any sense of the word. But, what if I checked her page every day? Checked all of her new pictures, statuses, comments, friend add-ons on a regular basis so that I was 100% caught up with her life? Would my hypothetical current girlfriend have a problem with that? Would she have good reason to have a problem with that? I have to say, I'd be kind of weirded out if a girlfriend of mine were cyber-stalking her ex. I'd have to think there's still some level of interest there if she were to CONSTANTLY see what's going on in his life and quite possible seeing if he's dating anyone else, if he still holds feelings for her, etc. I'd completely understand if a girlfriend of mine felt a little uneasy if I were constantly looking at an ex's Facebook page. Obsessed much? For the time being, I can think of three other possible scenarios where either I or my hypothetical girlfriend (or both) wouldn't be too comfortable with the other Facebook-stalking another person and those cases are 1) When stalking another of the opposite sex whom they haven't told you about, but seem to make regular contact with and the other seems to be rather attractive, 2) When he/she tells you of another, always speaks of them glowingly and again, seems to be rather easy on the eyes and 3) When he/she is stalking another whom they said seems to have an interest in them. In the first scenario, I'm sure it'd make a girlfriend of mine wonder why in the world I didn't tell her about someone whom I regularly check on and communicate with on Facebook, especially if she's single and good-looking. Again, I'd like to think openness and honesty could prevent this from occurring. In the second situation, again, it'd make me think like there may be feelings present for a girlfriend to continually talk about another guy in such positive terms and then to stalk his page. Finally, I could say all I want to my girlfriend that I have no interest in a woman whom has confessed that she has feelings for me, but if I stalk her Facebook page, eh, I'd have to think I'm making it obvious that I do hold some level of interest in her.
In the end, I'd like to believe that openness and honesty could solve all potential problems in the world of Facebook, but even when one person is promising they're being open and honest, suspicions will likely arise in the four before-mentioned scenarios (and perhaps others). It's one thing for a good friend or a family member to regularly check up on a person. It's quite another when there's romantic history, interest or potential interest (by one or both parties) involved.
I ran into such confusion earlier in the year with regard to "the poke" and how I didn't understand it. I looked it up and asked a few people and the views expressed were of a rather wide variety. I heard or read anything from "It's just a way of saying hi" to "It obviously means they're thinking about you and are interested". I even read one story where a married couple confessed that it all started with a Facebook poke. That may be an extremely rare scenario, but still, it seems as if there isn't a right answer. I would have to believe that a person wouldn't go and poke just anyone. The pokee obviously crossed the poker's mind, so chances are the poker either cares for the pokee on some level, friendship or otherwise, or there could potentially be a stronger interest present.
I have a feeling the same is true of Facebook-stalking, but get an uneasy feeling whenever I hear or read the word "stalk" and while a "poke" could very well just mean "hi, how are you? You crossed my mind for a second here and I thought I'd wave and say hello," to stalk someone's Facebook page, I'd have to believe there's some level of interest, to invest so much of a person's time reading up on another, looking at their photos, checking to see who they're talking to, etc. It's one thing to do what I think most people do and check out their newsfeed to see what people have to say or if there are any funny photos/cartoons posted which they can either "like" or comment on, but to constantly feel the need to check another person's page? Eh, that has to make me wonder some.
I looked up Facebook-stalking to hopefully garner a better understanding of it and many people said the following - "Everyone does it. If you say you don't, you're a liar." Again, when I hear "everyone does it" with regard to Facebook, I immediately think of them checking the main newsfeed on a regular basis. This doesn't narrow things down to one or two people. All of one's friends', unless they've hidden another's posts, statuses and comments will be showcased on this very newsfeed. I figure anyone with a Facebook account likely does this at least once when they sign on. But, really? EVERYONE stalks another on Facebook? I think what troubles me about this practice is the fact I've only done this twice and both times, the stalkee (that sounds so bad) was a woman I was interested in whom had given me mixed signals and I was trying to garner a better read on both she and the situation. After one finally told me she wasn't interested and the other started dating someone else, that was all the information I needed to stop "stalking" their Facebook pages. I received my answer and that was that. Also, for the most part, the stories I've heard from friends of mine regarding Facebook-stalking, either involve them constantly checking on someone they're interested in or they themselves being stalked by someone whom is interested in them as more than a friend. There have been a couple times when friends of mine have told me they constantly check on my page, but then again, one is 43, married with two kids and the other is in her 60s. Me being 30 and single, I'm not thinking there's any chance that either of them Facebook-stalk me for any other reason than to check up on my life, my health and read my, what many have told me are, humorous statuses and comments. So, I can see why a person would stalk another on Facebook when they have no romantic interest in them (or obsession), but again, these people were either several years older than myself and either married with kids or decades older.
If I were to date someone, would there be a certain boundary she and I shouldn't cross when it comes to Facebook-stalking? Is there a person or type of person we shouldn't be stalking on the site and if caught, we could spark worries or distrust? Each other? I have to imagine that's very common, but I could see how this may lead to problems. If the two people involved are constantly stalking one another's page and come across comments made by members of the opposite sex whom they don't know about or know dated their boyfriend or girlfriend, or perhaps someone whom they heard likes their boyfriend or girlfriend, then that could prompt a few questions and some drama. But, so long as the two people are open and honest with one another, I'd like to think the Facebook-stalking of each other wouldn't lead to such before-mentioned problems. What about exes? I only have one ex as a Facebook friend. Once in a great while I'll check her page or e-mail her to see how things are going, but that's it. I'd say, on average, twice a year we briefly catch up with one another's lives. So, I'm pretty certain that can't be classified as stalking. The fact we haven't actually seen one another in 9 years should also be a good indicator I'm not "stalking" her in any sense of the word. But, what if I checked her page every day? Checked all of her new pictures, statuses, comments, friend add-ons on a regular basis so that I was 100% caught up with her life? Would my hypothetical current girlfriend have a problem with that? Would she have good reason to have a problem with that? I have to say, I'd be kind of weirded out if a girlfriend of mine were cyber-stalking her ex. I'd have to think there's still some level of interest there if she were to CONSTANTLY see what's going on in his life and quite possible seeing if he's dating anyone else, if he still holds feelings for her, etc. I'd completely understand if a girlfriend of mine felt a little uneasy if I were constantly looking at an ex's Facebook page. Obsessed much? For the time being, I can think of three other possible scenarios where either I or my hypothetical girlfriend (or both) wouldn't be too comfortable with the other Facebook-stalking another person and those cases are 1) When stalking another of the opposite sex whom they haven't told you about, but seem to make regular contact with and the other seems to be rather attractive, 2) When he/she tells you of another, always speaks of them glowingly and again, seems to be rather easy on the eyes and 3) When he/she is stalking another whom they said seems to have an interest in them. In the first scenario, I'm sure it'd make a girlfriend of mine wonder why in the world I didn't tell her about someone whom I regularly check on and communicate with on Facebook, especially if she's single and good-looking. Again, I'd like to think openness and honesty could prevent this from occurring. In the second situation, again, it'd make me think like there may be feelings present for a girlfriend to continually talk about another guy in such positive terms and then to stalk his page. Finally, I could say all I want to my girlfriend that I have no interest in a woman whom has confessed that she has feelings for me, but if I stalk her Facebook page, eh, I'd have to think I'm making it obvious that I do hold some level of interest in her.
In the end, I'd like to believe that openness and honesty could solve all potential problems in the world of Facebook, but even when one person is promising they're being open and honest, suspicions will likely arise in the four before-mentioned scenarios (and perhaps others). It's one thing for a good friend or a family member to regularly check up on a person. It's quite another when there's romantic history, interest or potential interest (by one or both parties) involved.
Comments
Post a Comment