So, I got into an interesting discussion with the lady I've been getting closer to the past couple weeks or so. We've been asking random questions to one another to garner a better sense of who the other person is, what they're about, what they believe and perhaps gaining a better cognizance of what a long-term relationship would be like with the other. So, I asked what she felt constituted cheating. She wasn't too specific, but said she wasn't very jealous and would be alright if the guy danced with a girl, but that kissing would be pushing things a bit. She also agreed with me that lying is a form of cheating, because it's cheating the other person of truth.
So, today we talked for a while and I'm not sure how to figure her out with regard to her drinking habits. She doesn't seem to drink very often, but seemed reluctant on going out to drink with me some night, because and I quote, she gets "crazy" when she drinks. The word "crazy" is a rather strong one, so I asked for some elaboration and she simply said she talks too much and might speak without thinking first. I then laughed, because I've heard (seen) much crazier habits than that. She also had a pretty dull story which she claimed was her craziest drunken experience. She seemed vague again today when talking about drinking and parties, but then said if there were any stories to be told after a night on the town drinking, they'd likely involve body shots with her best friend (female) and dancing. Since she wasn't very specific when she said she had no problem with a boyfriend dancing with another woman and she talked about dancing stories while drunk, I thought I'd inquire further. I then asked if she and I were dating, if she'd have any problem seeing me dance in any manner with another woman and she said she didn't. I then specified and asked if she'd have a problem with me dancing dirty with another woman, bumping and grinding and she again said no, that it was "just dancing". Now, I don't have a problem with a girlfriend dancing with a guy, a normal-type dance, but wouldn't be too pleased is she and another guy were all over each other on the dancefloor. I asked what she'd say/do if I were to tell her that I was jealous of her dancing in such a manner with another guy and she said that she'd stop and kiss me. Okay, fair enough. Yet, at the same time, it suggests that she isn't shy about this sort of thing. I then let my true feelings be known and told her it's cool if you like to do that sort of thing, but I honestly don't think I could seriously involve myself with someone like that. It'd be fine for a casual-dating partner or a fling or something short-term, but that's not what I'm looking for. She seemed okay with that and said I'd have nothing to worry about if we were to get serious. I'm still undecided how I feel about that conversation, because for her to not care that I was getting extremely sexual with a woman on the dancefloor makes me wonder how serious of a relationship she's looking for and also her drunken-dancing stories (she called them the "drunk dance," whatever that means) in conjunction with the hypothetical scenario of her bumping and grinding with a guy and stopping if it bugged me, signifying she could see herself doing that if we were to date. So, it got me to thinking, what qualifies as cheating?
As I've learned from multiple sources, the definition of "cheating" varies from person to person. I've read or heard people say that if it's not sex, it's not cheating. I've heard others say that heavy petting and oral sex is where that line of cheating gets crossed. I've heard some state that kissing isn't cheating, but making out is. I've heard some say that flirting is cheating. So, where is the line drawn? What constitutes as cheating?
I read what I thought to be some fairly accurate statements, that if you're doing something you wouldn't want your significant other to see, you're probably doing something you shouldn't be (aka cheating); that if you wouldn't want your significant other doing what you're doing, you're probably cheating; and if you're asking yourself if you're cheating, chances are that you are. So, the definition depends on the individual person and the couple, but here are my thoughts:
Sex: There's no question here. If a boyfriend or girlfriend engages in the pinnacle of intimacy with another, they're definitely cheating.
Heavy Petting/Oral Sex: I don't see any question here either. If another is touching an area which is reserved for you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, it seems to be pretty common sense that it be cheating if another is allowed in that area.
Kissing: Friendly pecks with friends and family I don't think qualifies as cheating. However, I think anything more than that does. Kissing is a very intimate, passionate expression which is often times a gateway drug to other things...
Hugging: No, unless it never seems to end and the hands freely frolic along one another.
Flirting: I think friendly, playful, harmless-type flirting is fine. Being kind, giggly, joking around isn't a big deal. However, if the flirting becomes excessive and the party on the other end seriously believes the person you're dating is interested, then that's when the issue gets a bit more gray.
Going out with someone of the opposite sex: I think this is fine so long as the boyfriend/girlfriend knows of the person and knows of the plans. If the other person doesn't find out about this get-together until a couple weeks after the fact, that's when suspicions may arise, that or he/she doesn't get home until 2-3 in the morning, when they said they'd be out until 10. So, here, I just think it's about honesty. If the two people are straight-forward and honest with one another, then there should be no problems in going out with friends of the opposite sex. Overall, this is a gray area'ed issue too, but usually falls on the side of not cheating.
Dirty dancing: Like I said earlier, I don't believe regular dancing to be a big deal. Slow dancing? I see that as a pretty gray area. I think it may depend upon the person, the occasion, the company and the dance itself. Slow dancing can be expressed by casual friends, but is usually reserved for people whom have a romantic connection with one another. Finally, with regard to dirty dancing, yeah, I think it's a form of cheating. If it weren't for the clothes getting in the way, the two people engaged in this act would basically be having sex. I even asked a close female friend of mine and those were her words exactly, that if not for the clothes, the two people would be engaging in intercourse. I may be old-fashioned, but I can't say I'm a big fan of another man dry humping my girlfriend. My lady's crotch rubbing up against a guy's, yeah, I have to say I think that's cheating to a certain extent.
As can be seen, even given my opinions on the different areas of cheating, there's a lot of gray and is up to the individuals and the couple to distinguish what is cheating, come to a definite understanding of one another's position, so they don't get themselves into trouble somewhere down the line. I may be a bit old-school when it comes to sex, but I'm about the cleanest person I know when it comes to that, so I like for that extremely intimate bond with a girlfriend or wife to be special, sacred and reserved for each other. I hate to come across as jealous or controlling, but as I would never think about bumping and grinding, excessively flirting, kissing beyond that of a peck, hugging someone for longer than is needed, going out with another woman without notifying my significant other, etc., I guess I just seek that same level of loyalty and respect in return. I sometimes wonder if I'm asking too much, but then have to remember that if I can do it, so can another. Whether this latest interest can do that is yet to be seen.
So, today we talked for a while and I'm not sure how to figure her out with regard to her drinking habits. She doesn't seem to drink very often, but seemed reluctant on going out to drink with me some night, because and I quote, she gets "crazy" when she drinks. The word "crazy" is a rather strong one, so I asked for some elaboration and she simply said she talks too much and might speak without thinking first. I then laughed, because I've heard (seen) much crazier habits than that. She also had a pretty dull story which she claimed was her craziest drunken experience. She seemed vague again today when talking about drinking and parties, but then said if there were any stories to be told after a night on the town drinking, they'd likely involve body shots with her best friend (female) and dancing. Since she wasn't very specific when she said she had no problem with a boyfriend dancing with another woman and she talked about dancing stories while drunk, I thought I'd inquire further. I then asked if she and I were dating, if she'd have any problem seeing me dance in any manner with another woman and she said she didn't. I then specified and asked if she'd have a problem with me dancing dirty with another woman, bumping and grinding and she again said no, that it was "just dancing". Now, I don't have a problem with a girlfriend dancing with a guy, a normal-type dance, but wouldn't be too pleased is she and another guy were all over each other on the dancefloor. I asked what she'd say/do if I were to tell her that I was jealous of her dancing in such a manner with another guy and she said that she'd stop and kiss me. Okay, fair enough. Yet, at the same time, it suggests that she isn't shy about this sort of thing. I then let my true feelings be known and told her it's cool if you like to do that sort of thing, but I honestly don't think I could seriously involve myself with someone like that. It'd be fine for a casual-dating partner or a fling or something short-term, but that's not what I'm looking for. She seemed okay with that and said I'd have nothing to worry about if we were to get serious. I'm still undecided how I feel about that conversation, because for her to not care that I was getting extremely sexual with a woman on the dancefloor makes me wonder how serious of a relationship she's looking for and also her drunken-dancing stories (she called them the "drunk dance," whatever that means) in conjunction with the hypothetical scenario of her bumping and grinding with a guy and stopping if it bugged me, signifying she could see herself doing that if we were to date. So, it got me to thinking, what qualifies as cheating?
As I've learned from multiple sources, the definition of "cheating" varies from person to person. I've read or heard people say that if it's not sex, it's not cheating. I've heard others say that heavy petting and oral sex is where that line of cheating gets crossed. I've heard some state that kissing isn't cheating, but making out is. I've heard some say that flirting is cheating. So, where is the line drawn? What constitutes as cheating?
I read what I thought to be some fairly accurate statements, that if you're doing something you wouldn't want your significant other to see, you're probably doing something you shouldn't be (aka cheating); that if you wouldn't want your significant other doing what you're doing, you're probably cheating; and if you're asking yourself if you're cheating, chances are that you are. So, the definition depends on the individual person and the couple, but here are my thoughts:
Sex: There's no question here. If a boyfriend or girlfriend engages in the pinnacle of intimacy with another, they're definitely cheating.
Heavy Petting/Oral Sex: I don't see any question here either. If another is touching an area which is reserved for you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, it seems to be pretty common sense that it be cheating if another is allowed in that area.
Kissing: Friendly pecks with friends and family I don't think qualifies as cheating. However, I think anything more than that does. Kissing is a very intimate, passionate expression which is often times a gateway drug to other things...
Hugging: No, unless it never seems to end and the hands freely frolic along one another.
Flirting: I think friendly, playful, harmless-type flirting is fine. Being kind, giggly, joking around isn't a big deal. However, if the flirting becomes excessive and the party on the other end seriously believes the person you're dating is interested, then that's when the issue gets a bit more gray.
Going out with someone of the opposite sex: I think this is fine so long as the boyfriend/girlfriend knows of the person and knows of the plans. If the other person doesn't find out about this get-together until a couple weeks after the fact, that's when suspicions may arise, that or he/she doesn't get home until 2-3 in the morning, when they said they'd be out until 10. So, here, I just think it's about honesty. If the two people are straight-forward and honest with one another, then there should be no problems in going out with friends of the opposite sex. Overall, this is a gray area'ed issue too, but usually falls on the side of not cheating.
Dirty dancing: Like I said earlier, I don't believe regular dancing to be a big deal. Slow dancing? I see that as a pretty gray area. I think it may depend upon the person, the occasion, the company and the dance itself. Slow dancing can be expressed by casual friends, but is usually reserved for people whom have a romantic connection with one another. Finally, with regard to dirty dancing, yeah, I think it's a form of cheating. If it weren't for the clothes getting in the way, the two people engaged in this act would basically be having sex. I even asked a close female friend of mine and those were her words exactly, that if not for the clothes, the two people would be engaging in intercourse. I may be old-fashioned, but I can't say I'm a big fan of another man dry humping my girlfriend. My lady's crotch rubbing up against a guy's, yeah, I have to say I think that's cheating to a certain extent.
As can be seen, even given my opinions on the different areas of cheating, there's a lot of gray and is up to the individuals and the couple to distinguish what is cheating, come to a definite understanding of one another's position, so they don't get themselves into trouble somewhere down the line. I may be a bit old-school when it comes to sex, but I'm about the cleanest person I know when it comes to that, so I like for that extremely intimate bond with a girlfriend or wife to be special, sacred and reserved for each other. I hate to come across as jealous or controlling, but as I would never think about bumping and grinding, excessively flirting, kissing beyond that of a peck, hugging someone for longer than is needed, going out with another woman without notifying my significant other, etc., I guess I just seek that same level of loyalty and respect in return. I sometimes wonder if I'm asking too much, but then have to remember that if I can do it, so can another. Whether this latest interest can do that is yet to be seen.
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