So, I got into an interesting discussion earlier today about an article in Cosmopolitan magazine, which advised women not to refer to a man's nether-region as "cute" or "adorable." Due the film How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days as well as common sense (from a man's vantage point), I thought this was common knowledge, but I guess that's not exactly the case. So, I was told I should write a blog where I advise women on what not to say when around their male love interest(s). Here we go...
1. Don't call "it" "cute" or "adorable" - For quite possibly the first time in my life, I actually agree with some advice given in Cosmopolitan magazine. I'm sorry to say this, but a man's "junk" makes up approximately 39.7% of his entire ego (that may be an underestimate). Men also tend to link the words "cute" and "adorable" with "small" and "baby-like." When we see a friend or family member's new baby, we are prone to saying or thinking such things as, "Aw, he/she's so adorable/cute! She's so tiny! Aw!" So, if a woman were to refer to our manhood as "cute" or "adorable," in our minds (both of them), what she's essentially saying is, "Aw! It's like a little baby's! It's so little! Aw!" If this were to happen, men would likely need to see a shrink (at least five of them), and may never be able to engage in intercourse with the woman again, because in the back of our minds, we'll constantly be hearing that voice about how "cute" and "adorable" it is. My advice is not to say anything about a man's cyclops unless you're 100% confident it won't make his ego (and with that his cyclops) go limp. If you lack this confidence, then the best thing to do would be to not say anything at all about that funny looking thing below his belt. Just try to enjoy the experiences the two of you take with one another in the bedroom, at least pretend he's doing a decent job (yes - faking), and you should be able to keep his ego (and johnson) on the up and up.
2. Don't compare him to exes - Yes, this may be natural on multiple fronts. However, it's best to go about this only in your mind (and to your friends). This is especially the case in the bedroom. If a guy hears a woman compare him to exes when it comes to performance, chances are he'll get to thinking too much and his performance will lag as a result. A key sign of this is if he starts shaking his head during the middle of something intimate. This likely means he's wondering to himself, "Wait - am I doing this right? Did John do it better? Ugh!" and that's when his little buddy falls to the floor (so to speak). While it's important to communicate about sex with a guy, it's best to slant things in a positive and non-comparative direction, such as, "You know what would be fun? If we did more of (fill-in-the-blank)" or "One of my friends told me (fill-in-the-blank) was fun. Let's try that sometime." While that "friend" may have been an ex, the guy doesn't know this, and chances are, he's not going to ask (especially if he likes the sound of it). Men tend to be simple creatures. Be vague, positive, and make us feel good about ourselves, and we'll be happy little devils.
3. Don't admit you like gay porn - While a growing number of men are becoming more accepting of homosexuals of their own gender, this doesn't mean they're necessarily open to giving that a try themselves and if they catch a girlfriend or wife watching two men going at it, chances are he'll be simultaneously grossed out and wondering if his wife is either secretly a lesbian or if she has a wild fantasy of being with him and another guy. Another possibility is he thinks his body and performance aren't good enough, which is why she feels the need to resort to watching other guys do it in order to get turned on. A man catching a girlfriend or wife with gay porn will likely become quite confused, go on a long walk to reflect on life, and not return until he's either drunk or finally convinced himself that he's like Stuart Smalley - that he's "good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like" him. Bonus tip - especially don't tell him that, on top of enjoying gay porn, you fantasize about him starring in one, because this will doubly confuse the lad, which may result in him getting drunk on his way to seeing a shrink.
Also:
- Don't compare him to a family member of yours, because that could get a little weird and fast...
- Don't tell him he reminds you of a guy who just recently came out of the closet or had a sex change, because this will get him to wondering about his own sexuality and gender identity, and knowing how easily persuadable guys can be, he may become a woman before all is said and done.
- Don't scream or moan someone else's name while being pleased. If the letters worked, I'd say, "You can't spell 'how to start a fight' without 'moaning someone else's name." They don't, but I'm sure you catch my drift.
- Don't talk about fantasizing about another while pleasing yourself (or when being intimate with him). Like I said in the previous one, "You can't spell 'how to start a fight' without..."
- Refrain from asking questions such as: "Where is it?"; "Is that it?"; "You're done already?" and "Is it in yet?" If it's your goal to see a man run off crying like a baby, then by all means, go and do that. However, if you truly care about the guy, I'd advise not to go this route.
All-in-all, we men tend to be pretty simple, easy-to-please creatures. We may act tough at times, but we're quite sensitive creatures - especially when it comes to the bedroom and our manhoods. Choose your words carefully when it comes to those matters, and things should go just fine.
Well, that's it for my, "What women shouldn't say to their men" lecture. Join me again for the seemingly hopeless, "What men shouldn't say to their women" lecture. Wish me luck! I'm going to need it!
1. Don't call "it" "cute" or "adorable" - For quite possibly the first time in my life, I actually agree with some advice given in Cosmopolitan magazine. I'm sorry to say this, but a man's "junk" makes up approximately 39.7% of his entire ego (that may be an underestimate). Men also tend to link the words "cute" and "adorable" with "small" and "baby-like." When we see a friend or family member's new baby, we are prone to saying or thinking such things as, "Aw, he/she's so adorable/cute! She's so tiny! Aw!" So, if a woman were to refer to our manhood as "cute" or "adorable," in our minds (both of them), what she's essentially saying is, "Aw! It's like a little baby's! It's so little! Aw!" If this were to happen, men would likely need to see a shrink (at least five of them), and may never be able to engage in intercourse with the woman again, because in the back of our minds, we'll constantly be hearing that voice about how "cute" and "adorable" it is. My advice is not to say anything about a man's cyclops unless you're 100% confident it won't make his ego (and with that his cyclops) go limp. If you lack this confidence, then the best thing to do would be to not say anything at all about that funny looking thing below his belt. Just try to enjoy the experiences the two of you take with one another in the bedroom, at least pretend he's doing a decent job (yes - faking), and you should be able to keep his ego (and johnson) on the up and up.
2. Don't compare him to exes - Yes, this may be natural on multiple fronts. However, it's best to go about this only in your mind (and to your friends). This is especially the case in the bedroom. If a guy hears a woman compare him to exes when it comes to performance, chances are he'll get to thinking too much and his performance will lag as a result. A key sign of this is if he starts shaking his head during the middle of something intimate. This likely means he's wondering to himself, "Wait - am I doing this right? Did John do it better? Ugh!" and that's when his little buddy falls to the floor (so to speak). While it's important to communicate about sex with a guy, it's best to slant things in a positive and non-comparative direction, such as, "You know what would be fun? If we did more of (fill-in-the-blank)" or "One of my friends told me (fill-in-the-blank) was fun. Let's try that sometime." While that "friend" may have been an ex, the guy doesn't know this, and chances are, he's not going to ask (especially if he likes the sound of it). Men tend to be simple creatures. Be vague, positive, and make us feel good about ourselves, and we'll be happy little devils.
3. Don't admit you like gay porn - While a growing number of men are becoming more accepting of homosexuals of their own gender, this doesn't mean they're necessarily open to giving that a try themselves and if they catch a girlfriend or wife watching two men going at it, chances are he'll be simultaneously grossed out and wondering if his wife is either secretly a lesbian or if she has a wild fantasy of being with him and another guy. Another possibility is he thinks his body and performance aren't good enough, which is why she feels the need to resort to watching other guys do it in order to get turned on. A man catching a girlfriend or wife with gay porn will likely become quite confused, go on a long walk to reflect on life, and not return until he's either drunk or finally convinced himself that he's like Stuart Smalley - that he's "good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like" him. Bonus tip - especially don't tell him that, on top of enjoying gay porn, you fantasize about him starring in one, because this will doubly confuse the lad, which may result in him getting drunk on his way to seeing a shrink.
Also:
- Don't compare him to a family member of yours, because that could get a little weird and fast...
- Don't tell him he reminds you of a guy who just recently came out of the closet or had a sex change, because this will get him to wondering about his own sexuality and gender identity, and knowing how easily persuadable guys can be, he may become a woman before all is said and done.
- Don't scream or moan someone else's name while being pleased. If the letters worked, I'd say, "You can't spell 'how to start a fight' without 'moaning someone else's name." They don't, but I'm sure you catch my drift.
- Don't talk about fantasizing about another while pleasing yourself (or when being intimate with him). Like I said in the previous one, "You can't spell 'how to start a fight' without..."
- Refrain from asking questions such as: "Where is it?"; "Is that it?"; "You're done already?" and "Is it in yet?" If it's your goal to see a man run off crying like a baby, then by all means, go and do that. However, if you truly care about the guy, I'd advise not to go this route.
All-in-all, we men tend to be pretty simple, easy-to-please creatures. We may act tough at times, but we're quite sensitive creatures - especially when it comes to the bedroom and our manhoods. Choose your words carefully when it comes to those matters, and things should go just fine.
Well, that's it for my, "What women shouldn't say to their men" lecture. Join me again for the seemingly hopeless, "What men shouldn't say to their women" lecture. Wish me luck! I'm going to need it!
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