The Sarah Palin Channel is a special bridge-to-nowhere

It's recently come to my attention that former John McCain running mate, former half-term Alaskan Governor, and future president of the undiscovered country Onlyinhermind - Sarah Palin - now has her own channel (SarahPalinChannel.com). Her reality television shows, ubiquitous presence on Fox News, and seemingly constant posts on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook, weren't enough for Ms. Palin. She needed to go that extra mile, and for just $99.95 a year, you can tune in to Sarah Palin's every move.

Here's how I envision Palin promoting the site:

"Hey y'all. How's it going? Or as us real Americans say, 'How's it going?' Well, as you all know, I usually keep my distance from the cameras, but have I got a surprise for all of you!?! For years upon years, we've tried to find a way to crack the code of the liberal lamestream media. Fox News, a lot of conspiracy sites, and most of talk radio just won't cut it! We need to find a true way to balance the liberal bias of NBC, CBS, ABC, PBS, and fact-checkers, with all their numbers and facts, and balance all of that with true American Christian values. Now, even though I've been on some of those reality television shows, have been on Fox News a time or nine hundred and forty-six, and my main goal in life is to make more posts on Facebook and Twitter than Jesus ever did, it just wasn't enough. It wasn't enough of me for you, and it certainly wasn't enough of me for me. So, guess what? For just $99.95 per year, you can subscribe to the Sarah Palin Channel! That's practically nothing! Why spend money on a healthcare law that was jammed down your throats to save yourself from bankruptcy after getting sick when you can watch my every move and hear my every word? This just goes to show you I believe in reasonable prices for reasonable people! You betcha! Just go to SarahPalinChannel.com, subscribe, pay up, and you'll now be able to see all of my speeches you could see for free on YouTube or my Facebook page, you can read my daughter's blog which you could read for free anyway, and you can even see me cooking, gardening, or practicing my ABC's! This site isn't a bridge-to-nowhere! It's a bridge-to-somewhere - my wallet! So, go to the site already, show me the money, and listen to me say things you already know I believe while paying me just $9.95 a month! It's that easy! If you're still having doubts, just remember what Benjamin Franklin once said: 'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask how you can scam your country.' God bless you all, my fellow patriots, and God bless the United States of America - the greatest country in the history of the world of the universe of the galaxy of stuff!"

Thanks, but no thanks...

http://time.com/3046196/sarah-palin-channel-subscription/

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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