White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer took time out of his busy schedule to answer 10- and 11-year-olds' questions at the annual Snarkington Elementary Career Day today. Here's the full transcript of the event:
Sean Spicer: "Good morning, class."
5th grade class: "Good morning, Mr. Sphincter."
Spicer: "It sounds like you need to practice that. You weren't all in unison there. That's okay. Well, as your principal has told you, I'm Sean Spicer, the White House Press Secretary. My job is basically to report updates to the news media and then take their questions. So, how about I take some of your questions? This feels like my real job, but like an off day, you know? No, I guess you don't. Well, anyway, do any of you have any questions? Yes, the Asian kid up front..."
John Roberts: "I have two questions. First question: What's the toughest question you've had to answer from the media? I'll await your answer before I ask the second question."
Spicer: "Interesting question. Hmm, I'm not sure how to answer that one. I'd say any question that includes accurate numbers and facts and things like that."
John: "Okay. So, segueing from that, where were you the night Devin Nunes disappeared? Did you know about it prior to the reports? Were you with him? Did President Trump know about the matter? Isn't Mr. Nunes guilty of obstruction of justice? Shouldn't he be locked up? Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!"
Spicer: "I'd like to practice my Constitutional right and plead the 5th Amendment. Next question? The fat kid in the back, or, excuse me, big-boned? God, I hate political correctness..."
Tommy McGhee: "Why won't Donald Trump release his tax returns?"
Spicer: "Because he doesn't want to."
Tommy: "I don't want to do homework, but doing it proves to my parents, teachers, peers, and myself I can be trusted to accomplish tasks even if I don't want to partake in them and am doing whatever is necessary to learn and move forward in this life. So why can't President Trump do similarly by releasing his tax returns?"
Spicer: "Because he said so. Not so. He said so not so. Yeah, that's it. Okay, Miss Four-Eyes to my right over here..."
Jessica Ironfist: "When President Trump was caught saying he could get away with grabbing women by the private-part area, what do you truly think he meant by that, and should women be offended by his remarks?"
Spicer: "It was just locker-room talk. That's just how guys talk about girls. They look at them, start to drool, objectify them, picture them naked, don't see them as real human beings, think of all the nasty things they could do to them, and sometimes these nasty thoughts are spoken amongst the guys - locker-room talk."
Jessica: "So are you saying I'm not a real person, I'm an object, and every other girl is an object?"
Spicer: "No, that's not it at all actually..."
Jessica: "Would it be okay for women to say they can get away with grabbing men by their private-part area?"
Spicer: "Well, that's different. Women wouldn't that, because they're ladies."
Jessica: "...and guys can't be gentlemen?"
Spicer: "Okay then... Any more questions? Yes, the future criminal in the middle..."
Martin Genius: "What's President Trump's favorite food?"
Spicer: "Excellent question! I take back what I said about you earlier! You sound like a fantastic kid with a bright future ahead of him! Since you asked such a good question, I'm going to be completely honest about this. President Trump's favorite food is Hooters wings."
Martin: "I wasn't done. To your credit, you did answer that question correctly, for I did thorough research on the matter prior to asking it. Given this research and the copious notes I took, as you can see right here in my hand, what kind of message do you feel the president is sending our nation's youth by showcasing such poor eating habits?"
Spicer: "Donald likes food. Donald eats food. Donald eats the food he likes. Period. Okay, last question... The illegal in the corner over there..."
Luke Resident: "Speaking of foreign countries, Russia..."
Spicer: "Oh no you don't, Cheech! Don't even go there! You know what? F**k you! F**k all of you! You wanna piece of me, teach? I bet you would like a piece of little Spice, wouldn't you?!? Yeah! That's what I thought! Donald's gonna get you! He's gonna deport all of you!"
Not 15 minutes after Spicer stormed out of the school gymnasium, he released a short video apologizing for his behavior, saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't sleep well last night. I honestly haven't been sleeping well ever since we failed sickening and/or killing 24 million people by passing Trumpcare, including some of you probably. Make America Great Again!"
Sean Spicer: "Good morning, class."
5th grade class: "Good morning, Mr. Sphincter."
Spicer: "It sounds like you need to practice that. You weren't all in unison there. That's okay. Well, as your principal has told you, I'm Sean Spicer, the White House Press Secretary. My job is basically to report updates to the news media and then take their questions. So, how about I take some of your questions? This feels like my real job, but like an off day, you know? No, I guess you don't. Well, anyway, do any of you have any questions? Yes, the Asian kid up front..."
John Roberts: "I have two questions. First question: What's the toughest question you've had to answer from the media? I'll await your answer before I ask the second question."
Spicer: "Interesting question. Hmm, I'm not sure how to answer that one. I'd say any question that includes accurate numbers and facts and things like that."
John: "Okay. So, segueing from that, where were you the night Devin Nunes disappeared? Did you know about it prior to the reports? Were you with him? Did President Trump know about the matter? Isn't Mr. Nunes guilty of obstruction of justice? Shouldn't he be locked up? Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!"
Spicer: "I'd like to practice my Constitutional right and plead the 5th Amendment. Next question? The fat kid in the back, or, excuse me, big-boned? God, I hate political correctness..."
Tommy McGhee: "Why won't Donald Trump release his tax returns?"
Spicer: "Because he doesn't want to."
Tommy: "I don't want to do homework, but doing it proves to my parents, teachers, peers, and myself I can be trusted to accomplish tasks even if I don't want to partake in them and am doing whatever is necessary to learn and move forward in this life. So why can't President Trump do similarly by releasing his tax returns?"
Spicer: "Because he said so. Not so. He said so not so. Yeah, that's it. Okay, Miss Four-Eyes to my right over here..."
Jessica Ironfist: "When President Trump was caught saying he could get away with grabbing women by the private-part area, what do you truly think he meant by that, and should women be offended by his remarks?"
Spicer: "It was just locker-room talk. That's just how guys talk about girls. They look at them, start to drool, objectify them, picture them naked, don't see them as real human beings, think of all the nasty things they could do to them, and sometimes these nasty thoughts are spoken amongst the guys - locker-room talk."
Jessica: "So are you saying I'm not a real person, I'm an object, and every other girl is an object?"
Spicer: "No, that's not it at all actually..."
Jessica: "Would it be okay for women to say they can get away with grabbing men by their private-part area?"
Spicer: "Well, that's different. Women wouldn't that, because they're ladies."
Jessica: "...and guys can't be gentlemen?"
Spicer: "Okay then... Any more questions? Yes, the future criminal in the middle..."
Martin Genius: "What's President Trump's favorite food?"
Spicer: "Excellent question! I take back what I said about you earlier! You sound like a fantastic kid with a bright future ahead of him! Since you asked such a good question, I'm going to be completely honest about this. President Trump's favorite food is Hooters wings."
Martin: "I wasn't done. To your credit, you did answer that question correctly, for I did thorough research on the matter prior to asking it. Given this research and the copious notes I took, as you can see right here in my hand, what kind of message do you feel the president is sending our nation's youth by showcasing such poor eating habits?"
Spicer: "Donald likes food. Donald eats food. Donald eats the food he likes. Period. Okay, last question... The illegal in the corner over there..."
Luke Resident: "Speaking of foreign countries, Russia..."
Spicer: "Oh no you don't, Cheech! Don't even go there! You know what? F**k you! F**k all of you! You wanna piece of me, teach? I bet you would like a piece of little Spice, wouldn't you?!? Yeah! That's what I thought! Donald's gonna get you! He's gonna deport all of you!"
Not 15 minutes after Spicer stormed out of the school gymnasium, he released a short video apologizing for his behavior, saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't sleep well last night. I honestly haven't been sleeping well ever since we failed sickening and/or killing 24 million people by passing Trumpcare, including some of you probably. Make America Great Again!"
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