I had some fun with the trending hashtag #ThingsJesusNeverSaid on Twitter the other day. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be read here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) "Adultery is only cool if your name rhymes with 'Ronald Chump'."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
4,615 Likes, 2,570 Retweets
2) "Thou shalt take care of kids until they're born. At that point, who gives a sh*t?!? Can I hear an amen?"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
1,217 Likes, 507 Retweets
3) "If you're white, you're always right! It also helps to be straight, male, & rich, but love & treat everyone equally."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
872 Likes, 362 Retweets
4) "As a Jewish man not from your country, rest assured, American Christians are my father's chosen people."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
103 Likes, 33 Retweets
5) "While the world is my father's proudest creation, nothing would make him happier than to see oil tycoons destroy it."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
95 Likes, 37 Retweets
6) "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, unless thy neighbor is a gay Muslim refugee."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
90 Likes, 38 Retweets
7) "Adultery is only cool if your name rhymes with 'Ronald Chump'."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
92 Likes, 16 Retweets
8) "Show pride in being deplorable."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
75 Likes, 25 Retweets
9) "Twice a year, I'd like for people to remember me through a bearded man dressed in red and a bunny."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
76 Likes, 23 Retweets
10) "Say you believe in and want to be like me, ask what I would do in all situations, and then do the opposite."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
67 Likes, 20 Retweets
11) "If I had one wish, it'd be for all to celebrate my birthday on a day I wasn't born and then commercialize it."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
56 likes, 14 Retweets
12) "If thou takes care of the rich, the poor will be thou bit*h."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
49 Likes, 13 Retweets
13) "Judge not, unless the day ends in '-y'."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
40 Likes, 10 Retweets
14) "If someone slaps you, turn to them the other cheek, before turning around and busting out an AK-47."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
36 Likes, 9 Retweets
15) "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, big league!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
36 Likes, 7 Retweets
16) "If thou wears a suit and tie, this man in a robe and sandals will be bigly impressed."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
22 Likes, 7 Retweets
16) "Let one without sin cast the first stone, unless your​ last name is Graham, Robertson, Huckabee, or Dobson."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
25 Likes, 4 Retweets
Totals: 7,564 Likes, 3,695 Retweets (Averages of 444.9 Likes, 217.4 Retweets)
1) "Adultery is only cool if your name rhymes with 'Ronald Chump'."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
4,615 Likes, 2,570 Retweets
2) "Thou shalt take care of kids until they're born. At that point, who gives a sh*t?!? Can I hear an amen?"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
1,217 Likes, 507 Retweets
3) "If you're white, you're always right! It also helps to be straight, male, & rich, but love & treat everyone equally."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
872 Likes, 362 Retweets
4) "As a Jewish man not from your country, rest assured, American Christians are my father's chosen people."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
103 Likes, 33 Retweets
5) "While the world is my father's proudest creation, nothing would make him happier than to see oil tycoons destroy it."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
95 Likes, 37 Retweets
6) "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, unless thy neighbor is a gay Muslim refugee."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
90 Likes, 38 Retweets
7) "Adultery is only cool if your name rhymes with 'Ronald Chump'."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
92 Likes, 16 Retweets
8) "Show pride in being deplorable."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
75 Likes, 25 Retweets
9) "Twice a year, I'd like for people to remember me through a bearded man dressed in red and a bunny."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
76 Likes, 23 Retweets
10) "Say you believe in and want to be like me, ask what I would do in all situations, and then do the opposite."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
67 Likes, 20 Retweets
11) "If I had one wish, it'd be for all to celebrate my birthday on a day I wasn't born and then commercialize it."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
56 likes, 14 Retweets
12) "If thou takes care of the rich, the poor will be thou bit*h."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
49 Likes, 13 Retweets
13) "Judge not, unless the day ends in '-y'."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
40 Likes, 10 Retweets
14) "If someone slaps you, turn to them the other cheek, before turning around and busting out an AK-47."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
36 Likes, 9 Retweets
15) "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, big league!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
36 Likes, 7 Retweets
16) "If thou wears a suit and tie, this man in a robe and sandals will be bigly impressed."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
22 Likes, 7 Retweets
16) "Let one without sin cast the first stone, unless your​ last name is Graham, Robertson, Huckabee, or Dobson."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
25 Likes, 4 Retweets
Totals: 7,564 Likes, 3,695 Retweets (Averages of 444.9 Likes, 217.4 Retweets)
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