Climate change-denier Jim Inhofe claims the offseason proves balls aren't juiced in the major leagues

A tape has just surfaced of Oklahoma senator and man voted most likely to throw a snowball in a January blizzard to disprove global warming, Jim Inhofe, making a speech on November 17th of last year, his birthday, directed toward ESPN, baseball writers and commentators in particular. The tape, leaked and introduced by ESPN's own Chris Berman, went like this:

"'Hi, I'm Chris Berman of ESPN, former host of NFL Primetime, bringing you a video of Republican Senator Jim 'Jack Me' Inhofe telling the world what he thinks about the juiced-ball theory in major league baseball. Let's have a listen...'

'Has anyone heard about this juiced-ball theory in baseball we've got going on? Some people are saying, because of all the home runs that were hit this season, the ball must be juiced, whatever that means. What a bunch of hogwash! It's been what, two, three weeks since the season ended? Have you heard about any home runs recently? No? Me neither! I rest my case! If there's no baseball and no home runs, then you have no juiced balls. That's logic 90210, folks!'"

It's also been reported that, later in the evening, a noticeably drunken Inhofe claimed that on any day which wasn't his birthday, he was dead. As he was passed out at midnight of the following day, it's still uncertain if he was in fact accurate with that claim.