The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

The Top Ten Things Less Affordable Than My New Book, "Trumplandia" ( https://www.amazon.com/Trumplandia-Craig-Rozniecki-ebook/dp/B07QTDTRMK ) 10. Tickets to the "$1" theater, which now cost $3. 9. Top-of-the-line items at The Dollar Store. 8. Five minutes at the penny slots after doing three wise men shots. 7. The latest CliffsNotes edition of the "How to Better Handle Your Finances" series, authored by someone who goes by the name Bankrupt Trump. 6. Being able to hear a robot repeatedly tell you, "Welcome. You've got mail," courtesy of America Online. 5. The Cheeto Jesus spray-tan. 4. Candy Crush diabetes boosts. 3. Deflated balls signed by Tom Brady. 2. The Bring-Your-"Friend"-Hunting-With-Dick-Cheney annual event. 1. (drumroll) Vladimir Putin's tape he calls "Brokeback Mountain 2," starring Lindsey Graham and Donald Trump.

My latest book, "Trumplandia," received another 5-star review, as the reader wrote, "I needed a little humor. Parts were hysterical..." It can be purchased for just $2.99 here - https://www.amazon.com/Trumplandia-Craig-Rozniecki-ebook/dp/B07QTDTRMK/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 #Trumplandia #Satire

In the first installment of an inevitably never-ending series, here's my Democratic Candidate Countdown. 23) (tie) Mike Gravel : Never heard of him? There's a reason why. Not only does the guy have less of a chance winning the Democratic nomination than Rip Torn has of winning a sexiest-man-alive competition, the guy will be turning 89 next month. He was born just a half-year after the Great Depression started! Now, having said all that, I wouldn't be against him playing the role of a heckler at Democratic debates, where he waltzed up to candidates whom were speaking and hit them with a walker in order to speed up their answers, but I digress... 23) (tie) Marianne Williamson : Ever want to see a 66-year-old hippie win the presidency? If so, Marianne Williamson is your guy! Well, person... If The Dude were a female politician, he'd be Marianne Williamson. Just saying'... 22) Tim Ryan : To think Sherrod Brown was going to be the big name coming out of Ohio. Not ...

My new book, "Trumplandia," just received another 5-star review! "Thoughtful humor at its finest... Trumplandia is just the kind of thoughtful humor that is needed right now. This story will remind you (in the event you've been encouraged to feel otherwise), that natural things such as thinking, asking questions, and sincerely seeking to understand someone or something, are all GOOD things. So, if you're a fan of satirical comedy, great writing, free thought, and understand that simply asking 'why' is not a crime, I really think you'll enjoy 'Trumplandia.' There's only one way to find out for sure though..." To check out the reviews, a preview, and/or purchase the book for just $2.99, go to the following page. Enjoy! https://www.amazon.com/Trumplandia-Craig-Rozniecki-ebook/dp/B07QTDTRMK#customerReviews

A couple months ago, I wrote about how now (then) was not the time to talk about impeaching Donald Trump. Post-Mueller report, I'd like to alter that opinion slightly. First thing's first, Donald Trump is not going to be impeached by the Republican-controlled Senate, so even if the Democratic-controlled House begins going through impeachment proceedings, don't get your hopes up. While only a simple majority is needed in the House to impeach a president, a two-thirds majority is needed in the Senate. As Republicans currently possess 53 Senate seats, even if all 47 Democrats voted to impeach the president, 20 of 53 Republicans (37.7%) would need to follow suit. That's less likely than Donald Trump passing a polygraph test while hopped up on Adderall. So the only way Trump could realistically get impeached is if Senatorial Republicans magically grow a spine or Democrats take back the Senate in the 2020 elections. The former isn't going to happen, and for the latter t...

I'll be the first to say that Amazon is one of the fastest, best, most convenient, and most lucrative companies in the world. Having said that, though, they aren't without faults, and one of them happens to be customer service. After trying to sign into Amazon last week, I was greeted with a confirmation pop-up, which asked that I type the final four digits of a credit card number. Unfortunately, the card they provided was an old one to which I no longer had access. So I called customer service for assistance. The first gentleman I spoke with was very friendly. I told him about my situation, and while he couldn't personally aid me, he transferred me to a specialist in the area. This specialist certainly was "special," I tell you... I should probably preface this conversation by saying I sparingly use Amazon for shopping. I typically use it to sell books I've written. So the "specialist," after I explained to him the situation I was in, asked me...

The first review for my new book, Trumplandia , is in, and it's a 5-star review! It reads: "Witty humor is marbled throughout 'Trumplandia.' This book takes the many serious issues of today's political climate and wraps them in humor and irony. This talented writer finds a way to break it down to a level that you just can't resist laughing through. You'll have to experience it for yourself though, as this is just 'library-talk!'" The book officially comes out tomorrow. To pre-order it, click here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QTDTRMK/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=trumplandia&qid=1555545368&s=gateway&sr=8-5

The Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Pre-Order My New Book, Trumplandia ( https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QTDTRMK/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=trumplandia&qid=1555545368&s=gateway&sr=8-5 ) 10. The 100% approval rating among 0 reviewers is "unpresidented." 9. This will be the absolute last book I write until the next one. 8. Books are always better than the movie-versions. 7. I will think about becoming the 294,345th Democrat to run for president in the 2020 election. 6. A psychic, who called me Brian, said the book would bring about world peace. 5. A study I just conducted shows that reading is the gateway drug to a winning lottery ticket, and spending $2.99 is a small price to pay when the reward is $768.4 million. Just sayin'. 4. "Pre-" is the Fonzie of prefixes. "Pre-" is the epitome of cool. Think about it. Precipitation, pretests, premature ejaculation. Let's face it, if "pre-...

Due to some tweets of mine, I got mentioned on the following two sites (all my tweets can be viewed here -  https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki ): https://crooksandliars.com/2019/04/trump-gives-stupid-advice-george https://hinterlandgazette.com/2019/03/istandwithschiff-is-trending-after-donald-trump-led-gop-attack-on-adam-schiff-backfires-spectacularly.html

I've been busy with traveling and writing books, so I've been unable to post my Twitter trending-hashtag posts over the past 3-4 weeks. Well, before further delay, here they are, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki ): 1) Dear Huckabee: Let me get this straight. Your daughter is a pathological liar. Your son is a dog-killer. You constantly bend over backwards for a sexual predator. Yet Mitt Romney is the bad guy for calling out said sexual predator? People like you are why I left Christianity. #MikeHuckabee 1,834 Likes, 454 Retweets 2) Let me get this straight... House GOPers want Adam Schiff to resign over observations he made which may run contrary to a report they haven't seen. Meanwhile, 9,000+ lies later and they still let Donald Trump get off "Scott Free"... #IStandWithSchiff 968 Likes, 358 Retweets 3) Barr: "Look, Trump may have shot and killed someone on 5th Avenu...

The Top Ten Redactions in the Mueller Report 10. "The only time Donald Trump was truthful with the Special Counsel was when he admitted to often using the fake name Don Mexico." 9. "Putin knew Trump would be an easy target as soon as Donald started telling him Two-Corinthians-went-to-a-bar jokes." 8. "Trump's campaign team was forced to order more lawn signs after the first batch read, 'Putin America First.'" 7. "Trump's responses were written at a 4th-grade level, making it incredibly likely a lawyer of his not named Giuliani wrote them." 6. "Right after she discovered that Robert Mueller had been appointed, Melania yelled at Donald for 15 straight minutes in a language he couldn't understand - English." 5. "The Trump Tower meeting was actually about whether or not Vladimir Putin would be willing to adopt Donald Trump, Jr." 4. "Trump doesn't recall ever saying he has one of the world...

Rush Puffball: "What on earth does that title mean?" The critically-acclaimed Fred Armisen hit, Portlandia , satirizes hipster life in Portland, Oregon. I can't tell you how many times I've been told by my Twitter followers that they'd love to see such a show about far-right conservatives. So I thought I'd provide them with just that with Trumplandia . Bill O'Lielly: "What's with the cover? What, you know, is with it, you know? Tell me about it." No, I don't really know, but I'll attempt to answer your question anyway. I was initially having more trouble coming up with a title and cover idea for this book than I had in the past. One morning, however, after the title Trumplandia came to mind, I immediately envisioned Grant Wood's "American Gothic" painting and took things from there. Many critics viewed Wood's classic as a parody of rural, small-town life, so in essence, my cover is a parody of a parody. It sta...

As I promised, I'll be posting bits of information regarding my upcoming book, Trumplandia , leading up to its release next Wednesday, April 24th. I presented a description yesterday. Today, I thought I'd share the chapter titles as yet another tease. Here they are: Chapter 1 - The Great Fence Chapter 2 - Where There’s a Squirrel, There’s a Way Chapter 3 - Animal Yard Chapter 4 - Aisle of Conspiracy, Insanity, and Roasted Nuts Chapter 5 - Pussyfooting Prohibited Chapter 6 - Trickle-Down Bobonomics Chapter 7 - The Good (Text)Book Chapter 8 - Trumplandia Again,  Trumplandia will become available for purchase on your Kindle at just $2.99 come next Wednesday. Stay tuned! If you want to take a closer look at the book and/or pre-order it, you may do so here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QTDTRMK?ref_=pe_3052080_276849420 While awaiting my new book, feel free to check out my other works at the following two sites: Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thetaoo...

As I noted yesterday, my latest book - Trumplandia - will become available for purchase on your Kindle at just $2.99 come next Wednesday (4/24). I'll be sharing new bits of information about it until the release date. Here's one such bit - a book description: Making Satirizing ‘Murica Great Again! What do you get when you combine modern-day conservatism with the critically-acclaimed show, Portlandia? Trumplandia - author Craig Rozniecki's first and hopefully last book of the series and 18th overall. James Bob, or Big Jim to some, hailed from Hicktown, West Virginia, where he owned a restaurant which went by the name TBR, or The Best Roadkill. Big Jim was a happily married man of 10 days. He met his wife, Amanda Goldteeth, during a raccoon-eating contest at a Family Values Festival and the two hit it off like Shaquille O’Neal and a basketball rim made of Icy Hot. To the marriage, Big Jim brought with him a son - Lil Jim - he traded a four-wheeler for several years ago,...

My latest book, Trumplandia , will be available for your Kindle at just $2.99 starting next Wednesday, April 24th! I'll write more about it in the coming days. For the time being, though, let me just say I'm quite proud and excited about this book. I know artists of all stripes like to make such declarations about their latest works, but I really mean it. While I'm proud of all my books, this one is probably my personal favorite thus far. So I highly recommend you check it out! You can pre-order it here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QTDTRMK?ref_=pe_3052080_276849420 While awaiting my new book, feel free to check out my other works at the following two sites: Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thetaoofroz Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO

NBA sharp-shooting veteran Kyle Korver recently wrote a column entitled "Privileged" and I felt the need to talk about it here today. Since I feel Korver's article is of great significance, I'm going to share and dissect the entire piece. Here's how it starts: "When the police break your teammate's leg, you'd think it would wake you up a little. When they arrest him on a New York street, throw him in jail for the night, and leave him with a season-ending injury, you'd think it would sink in. You'd think you'd know there was more to the story. You'd think. But nope." A good, intriguing start to the article, as Korver hooks the reader with a sense of mystery and comes at things from a rather personal perspective. Let's continue... "I still remember my reaction when I first heard what happened to Thabo. It was 2015, late in the season. Thabo and I were teammates on the Hawks, and we'd flown into New York la...