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What I learned in Week 14 of the NFL season

In Week 14 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., if feeling sorry for the New England Patriots getting hosed by the refs were a Democratic candidate, it'd be polling behind Bill De Blasio, who dropped out of the race a couple months ago.

- ..., more than herring, cod, or even mackerel, Dolphins like field goals.

- ..., and the winner for 1st Prize in "America's Funniest Home Videos" this week is... Drumroll please... The Pittsburgh Steelers fake punt attempt! Congratulations!

- ...Odell Beckham's sports hernia injury has confounded doctors, for they had no idea that potential side effects of the condition included funky hair and being awesome at handling balls.

- ..., if something flies by you so fast you couldn't make out what it was, it was probably Tyreek Hill.

- ...Jerry Jones has gone from, "How 'bout them Cowboys?!?" to saying, "How 'bout that (bleepin') (bleep) (bleepity) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep)?!?"

- ...Lions fans will inevitably start chanting, "Blough Blows," in reference to their 3rd-string quarterback. Drunkards at the game, on the other hand, will likely change, "Blow Blough!"

- ...a half-man/half-horse, formerly known as a centaur, will now be called a (Greg) Kittle.

- ..., when asked about the Houston Texans' performance against the Denver Broncos, Donald Trump reportedly said, "They lay eggs; they lay the best eggs, believe me!"

- ..., when Mike Tomlin's handed shit, he makes the best shit sandwich imaginable.
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