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What I learned in Week 16 of the NFL season

In Week 16 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Santa Claus shall now be called Jameis Winston.

- ...the 49ers' defense is so banged up, they're now referred to as just "fen."

- ..., until now, no Super Bowl favorite was ever as impressive as the 6-9 Browns.

- ..., with the way they've been playing, Dallas will now be either the "Cows" or the "Boys," but definitely not the Cowboys.

- ..., if they were to run for office and last weekend was any indication, the Cincinnati Bengals' slogan would be, "Make Losing Exciting Again" (MLEA).

- ...the Detroit Lions have less bite than a comatose hamster named Sir Sucks-a-Lot.

- ..., when Devlin Hodges and Mason Rudolph can't save you, that's when you become an atheist - that or just a disgruntled Steelers fan.

- ...Kirk Cousins without Dalvin Cook is like Marilyn without Manson.

- ..., due to how bad the Carolina Panthers have been, Cam Newton is contemplating having his injured foot removed so he never has to play for them again.

- ...you can't spell "VP Lamar Jackson" without "MVP."
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