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What I learned in Week 15 of the NFL season

In Week 15 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the old saying should be altered from "If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!" to "If you can't coach in the rain, cold, or heat, you're probably Freddie Kitchens!"

- ...the Cincinnati Bengals have become the Jerry Springer Show of the NFL, as no matter how bad you think you have it, watching them makes you feel a whole hell of a lot better about yourself and life.

- ...Oakland's final game at The Black Hole was, as Cher Horowitz would say, "Like so Raiders! Fer shure! OMG!"

- ..., if this whole coaching thing doesn't work out, Mike Vrabel will inevitably star in the new reality show, What the Hell Do You Want? Mike Vrabel's Adventures in Speed-Dating.

- ..., with his moves, it's only a matter of time before Lamar Jackson moonwalks into the end zone. The touchdown celebration will then, of course, be the "Thriller" dance.

- ..., if the Chargers turned the ball over for the whole season at the clip they set this past Sunday, they would have come close to equaling that of the Trump Administration.

- ..., at the ripe young age of 143, Eli Manning still throws interceptions with the best of them (Jameis Winston).

- ..., when Rex Ryan referred to Mitchell Trubisky as Mitchell Vick in his preview of the Bears/Packers game, attempting to highlight the Chicago quarterback's underheralded and underutilized speed, even pitbulls felt sorry for the former Atlanta Falcons and Philadelphia Eagles quarterback.

- ...Matt Patricia is slated to star alongside Bill Belichick in a Brokeback Mountain sequel, where the former tells the latter, "I wish I hadn't quit you!"

- ...the San Francisco 49ers are the first team to lose all their regular season games at the last second since the Cleveland Browns, whom once lost all their regular season games even after time expired.
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