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What I learned in Week 17 of the NFL season

In Week 17 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Bill Belichick has proven that the combination of a hoodie and television can add 80 lbs.

- ...the only way the recently fired Browns coach could fare worse in Kitchens than as an NFL head coach is if he burned down the restaurant. Twice.

- ...Ryan Tannehill is the best thing to happen to Tennessee since sliced bread, a pickle, and hot chicken.

- ...there's just a 1 in 5 chance the Raiders will work out in Vegas.

- ...the Eagles will head into the postseason with busted wings, a missing beak, and nothing but deflated balls in their nest.

- ..., after finishing the season with 33 touchdown passes and 30 interceptions, don't be surprised to see a Lifetime movie about Jameis Winston called, "Jackal & Hype."

- ...the Lions are worse than the Pistons, yet better than both the Tigers and Red Wings. Thank God alcohol and medicinal marijuana are legal in Detroit!

- ...Christian McCaffrey and Saquon Barkley will inevitably coauthor a book, entitled, "1,001 Ways to Be Awesome While The Rest of Your Team Sucks Donkey Balls."

- ...the Dallas Cowboys have disproven the theory that there's no such thing as "normal" or the epitome of "average."

- ...the pass interference review is so worthless, when it arrived at The Penny Store, the Christian mime owner shouted, "Get that piece of sh*t the f*ck out of here!"
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