My new book, The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s - Volume 2: The Wisecracks Continue (Uncensored Version) is officially available for purchase. At 5% off, the paperback version is $13.30, and can be previewed/purchased at this link - http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/the-kind-hearted-smartass-volume-2-the-wisecracks-continue-uncensored-version/paperback/product-21574154.html
The Kindle version can be purchased for $2.99 at the following link within the next 12-24 hours - http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_7?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig+rozniecki&sprefix=craig+r%2Caps%2C261
If anyone has any questions, feel free to either comment on this blog or shoot me an email at CRozniecki@gmail.com. In case anyone is curious, here is a rundown of the contents pages of the book:
The Kindle version can be purchased for $2.99 at the following link within the next 12-24 hours - http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_7?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=craig+rozniecki&sprefix=craig+r%2Caps%2C261
If anyone has any questions, feel free to either comment on this blog or shoot me an email at CRozniecki@gmail.com. In case anyone is curious, here is a rundown of the contents pages of the book:
Contents
Introduction - Back With Wisecracks - p. 10
Chapter 1 - Attention Deficit Disorder
Wally World is a “shpeshal” kind of place - p. 11
Don’t look too good, ladies. You could get fired for it… - p. 12
A one-track mind - p. 14
Germaphobic Nymphomaniacs - p. 17
Have brown eyes? Then I should trust you, so says a study… - p. 19
High heel enthusiasts rejoice! They don’t cause bunions! - p. 21
Twitter improves writing like alcohol improves decision-making - p. 22
Who’s the most accurate? A psychic, a tarot card reader, or a weatherperson? - p. 25
Christopher Columbus paved the way for a geographically-challenged nation! - p. 26
If you like to swear, come to Ohio! - p. 27
A Rocky Mountain High - Literally! - p. 28
Defending the mustache - p. 30
Chapter 2 - THAT Guy
Too “pretty” to be a guy… - p. 32
The Top Ten Groupie Disqualifiers - p. 33
Chapter 3 - The “Bird” is Not the Word. The Word is “Sarcasm.”
I’m “just sayin’” that sayin’ “just sayin’” a great deal is fairly annoying… - p. 35
“I’m not an X, but…” - p. 36
“No offense” and “no disrespect” usually mean “offense” and “disrespect” - p. 37
“Get out of your mom’s basement!” - p. 37
“She’s so ‘hot!’” Are you sure about that? - p. 38
Writer says it’s “totally” okay to say “like.” Eh, no, it’s like totally not. - p. 39
Why is gamer now synonymous with nerd? - p. 43
Naming winter storms after random adjectives - p. 44
Chapter 4 - Headbangers Anonymous
I’ve got a beef with Meat Loaf - p. 47
“Seven Nation Army” has taken over the sports world - p. 49
A shocking study! Women find men with guitars attractive! Who knew?!? - p. 50
The Top Ten Kayne West-like Baby Names (North) - p. 50
Chapter 5 - Action! Take 33!
“My name’s Forrest, Forrest Hump.” - p. 52
If Jason Statham or Liam Neeson starred in a romantic comedy... - p. 52
When a film title makes no sense - The Last Exorcism Part II - p. 53
Hooked on Phonics obviously didn’t work for characters in horror films - p. 54
What if the trailers had been different for these movies? - p. 55
Chapter 6 - The Boob Tube
What’s the deal with thin people in fast-food commercials? - p. 58
Word has it that Planet Fitness gym is not a gym… - p. 59
Ryan Lochte has a way with words much like Lance Bass has a way with women – p. 60
Cable News(less) Networks - p. 62
Laffy Taffy has got nothing on Megyn Kelly of Fox News - p. 65
Chapter 7 - Fame, Fortune, and First-Rate Screw-Ups
Giving thanks for other people… - p. 67
Celebrities’ New Year’s Resolutions - p. 68
Chapter 8 - Big Sticks and Balls
Bo Pelini’s Greatest F-ing Hits - p. 70
Fans go dumb with loyalty - p. 72
Carl Pelini + Marijuana = Bo Pelini’s Saving Grace - p. 73
Joe Theismann man-crushing on LeBron James - p. 73
Awkward Moments with Brent Musburger - p. 75
Bowler strikes himself with a bullet - p. 76
Rick Reilly earns brownie points by misquoting his father-in-law - p. 77
The referee’s quote was, “in essence,” long-winded, yet empty - p. 78
ESPN headline - “RG III does jumping jacks for fans” - p. 79
The Jacksonville Jaguars, like everyone else, should listen to Chuck Norris - p. 79
According to a Yahoo writer, Tim Tebow doesn’t even need to step on the field to help a team - p. 81
God’s conversation with ESPN about Tim Tebow - p. 82
Jason Collins and Tim Tebow are about as similar as Hawaii and Uranus - p. 85
Strange Olympic Sports - p. 88
Chapter 9 - A Special Kind of Stupid
A partially black white supremacist gets arrested - p. 90
Homosexuality is all about the magnets, so says a Nigerian student… - p. 92
Detecting gays through tests - brought to you by the gulf nations and ignorance - p. 94
Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson Comes Out Against Coming Out - p. 95
CCTV (China Central Television) goes where no man has gone before and places a positive spin
on smog - p. 99
Chapter 10 - I Approve This Message
The 24/7 Partisan People - p. 102
The Lazy American - p. 104
Liking the Affordable Care Act more than Obamacare - p. 105
Bob Woodward fears paper airplanes, coloring books, Disney movies, and apologies - p. 106
Australia’s Sarah Palin makes the actual Palin look smart - p. 107
An affair to remember! …if there was one… - p. 111
Petraeus certainly was “all in”… - p. 113
The Top Ten Anthony Weiner Headlines - p. 113
Tweeting His Bulge (a short story about Anthony Weiner’s/Carlos Danger’s sexting ventures) - p. 114
What if other politicians sexted like Weiner? - p. 118
Congress Getting Drunk - I Vote Aye! - p. 119
Powerless Government + A Bong = God - p. 124
Chapter 11 - The Antithesis of Common Sense and Logic
“It’s not science; it’s the truth!” - p. 127
Taking scripture and song literally… - p. 131
A little Messiah - p. 133
I smell bacon - no, it’s not the cops. The pig I smell is Pastor Mark Driscoll. - p. 134
Chapter 12 - Santa Claus Wants Some Egg Nog and Herb Brownies
Fox News celebrates their annual War on Christmas - p. 137
Christmas with a Ben Stein-ian twist - p. 139
Chapter 13 - Hearts, Emotions and Sh*t/Crap
God’s match in ChristianMingle.com is a facepalm - p. 142
In love with yourself? If so, you’re in luck! - p. 144
On Valentine’s Day, “All you need is love,” or something… - p. 146
A Polish Valentine’s Day - p. 147
Men can read women’s minds like newborns can read hieroglyphics - p. 150
So, this is what an angry personal ad sounds like… - p. 151
Looking for the perfect man, ladies? Well, look no more! - p. 155
An author advises people to lie and cheat on their spouses! - p. 157
The Rules of Cheating - p. 160
Chapter 14 - Sexy Time
Sex = Confusion - p. 168
Men and women really are from different planets - p. 170
Cosmo knows how to give sex advice like yes-men know how to say no - p. 172
A woman takes the phrase “gets around” to a whole new level - p. 174
References - p. 177
Acknowledgements - p. 189
About the Author - p. 190
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