Having fun with British slang - from an American's perspective

There's a bar nearby which has a British theme to it, called, "The Pub." At each table is a menu which includes some British terms and their definitions. After going through these terms and researching slang words and phrases from the country, I have a hunch I'd have a difficult time acting mature when traveling to England for the first time and hearing these very terms and phrases. Allow me to provide a few examples of such slang terms and phrases, before concocting hypothetical conversations between Americans using British slang with an American bent.

British slang: Arse over tit - "Another version of arse over elbow, but a bit more graphic!" (Arse over elbow is "another way of saying head over heels but is a little more descriptive.")

Americans conversing:

Brian Smoothy: "Baby, you know it's our anniversary, right?"

Shelia Gobsucker: "Of course I do, sweetie."

Brian: "Well, I thought we could so something extra special tonight. How does that sound?"

Sheila: "Ooh... I think I like the sound of that. What did you have in mind?"

Brian: "How about this new position I like to call 'arse over tits'?"

Sheila: "Uh..."

Brian: "I know. Doesn't it sound romantic? Hold on a sec while I play the song 'As* and Titties' while we do this..."


British slang: Cock up - "means you have made a mistake."

Americans conversing: 

Director Clarence Hairball: "Okay... Nasty Cavemen... Take one...and action!"

Denise Apeman: "Come on. Cock up. Cock up! Now! Do it!"

Donald Apeman: "No! No cock up! No! Can't do it! Argh!"

Director Hairball: "Cut! Come on, people! We're shooting a porno, not a sitcom! Let's do this!"


British slang: Keep your pecker up - "This is one way of saying to keep your chin up."

Americans conversing: 

Robert Dole (narrating a commercial): "If you're like me, and you have a problem with E.D., then I recommend taking Viagra. It'll help make your wife happy, and it'll help make you happy. So, come on, keep your pecker up, with Viagra."


British slang: Narked - "When someone appears to be in a bad mood."

Americans conversing: 

Brett Talky: (calling a woman after their first date, and having a bad connection with his phone) "Hey there. How's it going? Long time on talk!"

Michaela Prudish: "Hey. I'm having trouble hearing you. What did you say?"

Brett: "I just said how's it going?"

Michaela: "Pretty good and you?"

Brett: "Great! Thanks. So, are you thinking you maybe want to do that again sometime?"

Michaela: "Do I what? I'm sorry - I can't hear you very well."

Brett: "Geez... It looks like one of us had more fun than the other, huh? Are you narked or something?"

Michaela: "Am I what?"

Brett: "Narked"

Michaela: "Oh my God! I can't believe you just asked me that! You perv! If you must know, I'm in my pj's! Goodbye!"

Brett: "Hello? Hello? What the hell got into her? It's not like I asked if she was naked or anything. That was going to be my next question. Geesh..."


British slang: Piss up - "A drinking session"

Americans conversing: 

Bruno Whiskey: "Dude, I dare you to piss up right now."

Brutus Rum: "Man, you are so drunk right now!"

Bruno: "I know. So do it! Piss up!"

Brutus: "You're crazy! Into this wind?"

Bruno: "I'll give you my Bette Midler CD if you do it!"

Brutus: "Really? Alright! You asked for it!"

Bruno: "Whoa! Yeah! Make it rain! Woo-hoo!"

Brutus: "Satisfied now?"

Bruno: "Yeah, I'm going to go home and take a shower. I'll give you the CD in the morning."


http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml