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To Donald Trump, movies may be reality...

As first reported by MSNBC anchor Rachel Maddow and later followed by most every left-leaning outlet on the web, there's a growing theory that some of President Trump's illegal immigration musings were taken from a film - 2018's Sicario: Day of the Soledado. As Maddow and others observed, Trump's unfounded claims that women were bound by duct tape; smuggled over the border; that the traffickers were driving the greatest cars in the history of the world; and something about Muslim prayer rugs in Texas were all, at least loosely, found in the plot to the Sicario sequel. Whether or not the theory rings true, I thought I'd have a little fun with it. Assuming for a second that the theory is true, expect Donald Trump to make the following movie-based claims in the future:

Film: The Exorcist/The Shining

 Trump's claim: "I saw these Black Lives Matter protesters the other day. Very scary stuff. I'm not making this up, believe me. Their heads were spinning around, they were puking, and shouting something like 'redrum!' Very scary, folks. Very very scary."


Film: The Goonies

 Trump's claim: "The treasure hunt was rigged, bigly! This really ugly guy who kinda looks like my press secretary - Sloth's his name - he unfairly helped Democrats find the treasure, gold, and stuff. So not right! Rigged! Fake treasure hunt!"


Film: Airplane!

 Trump's claim: "The other day, an illegal immigrant killed an American because he called him Shirley. This is why we need a big, beautiful wall! Shirleys or people called Shirley shouldn't be killing Shirleys and non-Shirleys alike!"


Film: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

 Trump's claim: "This guy named Rufus came to the Oval Office the other day and brought with him Honest Abe, So-Crates, a piano player named something like Beef Oven, an angry Asian dude, a hot chick named Joan, that Freud dude, Napoleon Dynamite, and a kid named Billy. If you reelect me, I'm going to make all of these people members of my Cabinet!"


Film: The Princess Bride

 Trump's claim: "The shutdown is all Democrats' fault. No matter what I told them, whether it was about a styrofoam wall or ending the Mueller probe early, they told me, 'As you wish.'"
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