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What I learned in Week 9 of the NFL season

In Week 9 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., when his football career is completed, Philip Rivers' next job will inevitably be a martial arts instructor, where he specializes in the move "the fall-back air-slap."

- ...the once unstoppable Legion of Doom in Seattle will now be nicknamed the Legion of Who's Covering Who?

- ...the 2-7 Giants have a better shot at making the playoffs than Donald Trump, with his likely 232 electoral votes, has at being re-elected. Too soon?

- ...last-second losses are to the Los Angeles Chargers what herpes is to latex-allergic nymphomaniacs. It just comes naturally to them.

- ...the only thing more prevalent than MVP Awards and Super Bowl rings when Tom Brady and Drew Brees match up is the number of times they check their bingo cards on the sideline.

- ..., for some strange reason, when Dalvin Cook is on the opposing side, the Detroit Lions defense practices social-distancing to an incredibly exaggerated level.

- ..., after seeing new Tampa Bay Buccaneers starting quarterback Tom Brady toss 3 interceptions, Jameis Winston reportedly said, "Hey, I can do that, and at least with me, you get free crab legs!"

- ..., if I ever give the online-dating thing another go, I'll be certain to write, "Looking for someone to love me as much as Tony Romo loves an oval brown ball, with laces, made out of pigskin."

- ...the only thing worse than COVID in the Tampa area right now is the curse of AB (Antonio Brown). Fortunately, it's not contagious, so you won't need a shot. If your Buccs fans, however, you may need Xanax.

- ...Christian McCaffrey's new nickname is CMC. Given that, it's going to only be a matter of time before "Walk This Way" plays on the speakers after he runs the ball, as the fans chant, "Run CMC."

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