I stumbled upon what I found to be a somewhat interesting, yet perplexing conversation this past weekend. While I've often times said that it seriously seems as though men and women are from two different planets, there are other times I have to wonder if we're more similar than many like to believe.
When it comes to relationships, most people seem to have a mental set of rules or guidelines, and as I've stated before, I think one essential criteria for a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship is for a person to find another with whom their rules or guidelines match. Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling things won't work long-term if a guy only thinks sexual intercourse is cheating, while his girlfriend feels anything physical is. When the man starts kissing another woman, while he may not see it as cheating, his girlfriend will, and chances are the two will either split up right then and there or soon thereafter when another such event takes place.
Since there is so much diversity in humans' attitudes, beliefs, and personalities, there too is a great deal of diversity with regard to people's mental rules/guidelines when involved in relationships. In other words, with relationships comes many shades of grey on multiple fronts.
This is even true when it comes to the "look, but don't touch" guideline most people possess when involved with someone, which is what my weekend's conversation was about. While most people may want to naively believe that they're the sole person their significant other finds extremely attractive, from a realistic vantage point, that's going to be highly unlikely. However, like with physically cheating on a person, many people have different guidelines on what they feel is appropriate and what they feel is stepping over the line to the point of being offensive.
Is staring at another when in the presence of your significant other inappropriate? Checking out their backside, chest, or nether-region? Telling your significant other about these areas after looking at them? Is it just as inappropriate when not in their company? When watching television?
Different people will answer the before-mentioned questions in different manners, and when it comes right down to it, unless a person is caught in the act, it all comes down to trust. We won't be with our significant others every second of the day, so it's impossible to ever fully know where their eyes have been looking and what they've pondered about during those moments.
However, in my humble opinion, both men and women should be respectful of their partners and of the opposite sex at all times. Whether in the company of a significant other or not, staring at another isn't being respectful, especially if staring at another's private areas. Looking at another person and simply finding their face or smile attractive would be one thing; it's quite another to admire their chest, butt, or nether-region, because those thoughts typically include fantasies. There's a reason why single men can get away with such acts, but men with girlfriends or wives can't. It's because most women know that when a man checks out a woman's backside, chest, or nether-region, his thoughts are going to be of a sexual nature. Perhaps women aren't the same on that front, but I'm finding that hard to believe. It's not like a woman can catch her husband checking out a woman's backside and will believe it when he says, "I just like her personality, baby." Likewise, I find it difficult to believe a husband would take his wife's word if she were to give him that same line.
As usual, there may be exceptions to the checking-someone-out-being-sexual theory, but I feel those are few and far between, and much more so for women than for men. If in a room full of standing people, it's much easier for men to get away with unintentionally checking another woman out than it is for women to do so. Depending on the woman's height, if she's wearing something extremely showy, or her chest pops out so much that even a blind person would see it, then chances are many people will "notice" her that evening and not necessarily in a I-want-her kind of manner, but in a oh-my-God-did-you-freaking-see-that kind of manner. People's eyes don't have to stray far from the woman's face in order to get knocked out by this fictional person's chest (perhaps figuratively and literally). For women, however, their eyes have to wander quite a ways in order to check out a man's crotch or backside. This is, of course, unless the man is a professional basketball player and has to duck in order to enter 93% of buildings or if he's wearing nothing but a speedo at a church potluck. In most cases, though, women will have to let their eyes wander some in order to truly "check out" a guy. And when caught, it will be difficult for her to explain to her significant other, "Honey, I wasn't checking him out or anything. I just liked his jeans and wanted to see what brand it was, so I could get you some, because I think you would look really good in them...even better than him. Not that he looks good or anything or that I was even looking. Anyway, how about another drink?"
At the end of the day, while we're all human, crazy old me still thinks we should always be respectful of both our partners and the opposite sex in general, for while we may be classified as sexual beings, that doesn't mean we should see people as sexual objects.
When it comes to relationships, most people seem to have a mental set of rules or guidelines, and as I've stated before, I think one essential criteria for a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship is for a person to find another with whom their rules or guidelines match. Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling things won't work long-term if a guy only thinks sexual intercourse is cheating, while his girlfriend feels anything physical is. When the man starts kissing another woman, while he may not see it as cheating, his girlfriend will, and chances are the two will either split up right then and there or soon thereafter when another such event takes place.
Since there is so much diversity in humans' attitudes, beliefs, and personalities, there too is a great deal of diversity with regard to people's mental rules/guidelines when involved in relationships. In other words, with relationships comes many shades of grey on multiple fronts.
This is even true when it comes to the "look, but don't touch" guideline most people possess when involved with someone, which is what my weekend's conversation was about. While most people may want to naively believe that they're the sole person their significant other finds extremely attractive, from a realistic vantage point, that's going to be highly unlikely. However, like with physically cheating on a person, many people have different guidelines on what they feel is appropriate and what they feel is stepping over the line to the point of being offensive.
Is staring at another when in the presence of your significant other inappropriate? Checking out their backside, chest, or nether-region? Telling your significant other about these areas after looking at them? Is it just as inappropriate when not in their company? When watching television?
Different people will answer the before-mentioned questions in different manners, and when it comes right down to it, unless a person is caught in the act, it all comes down to trust. We won't be with our significant others every second of the day, so it's impossible to ever fully know where their eyes have been looking and what they've pondered about during those moments.
However, in my humble opinion, both men and women should be respectful of their partners and of the opposite sex at all times. Whether in the company of a significant other or not, staring at another isn't being respectful, especially if staring at another's private areas. Looking at another person and simply finding their face or smile attractive would be one thing; it's quite another to admire their chest, butt, or nether-region, because those thoughts typically include fantasies. There's a reason why single men can get away with such acts, but men with girlfriends or wives can't. It's because most women know that when a man checks out a woman's backside, chest, or nether-region, his thoughts are going to be of a sexual nature. Perhaps women aren't the same on that front, but I'm finding that hard to believe. It's not like a woman can catch her husband checking out a woman's backside and will believe it when he says, "I just like her personality, baby." Likewise, I find it difficult to believe a husband would take his wife's word if she were to give him that same line.
As usual, there may be exceptions to the checking-someone-out-being-sexual theory, but I feel those are few and far between, and much more so for women than for men. If in a room full of standing people, it's much easier for men to get away with unintentionally checking another woman out than it is for women to do so. Depending on the woman's height, if she's wearing something extremely showy, or her chest pops out so much that even a blind person would see it, then chances are many people will "notice" her that evening and not necessarily in a I-want-her kind of manner, but in a oh-my-God-did-you-freaking-see-that kind of manner. People's eyes don't have to stray far from the woman's face in order to get knocked out by this fictional person's chest (perhaps figuratively and literally). For women, however, their eyes have to wander quite a ways in order to check out a man's crotch or backside. This is, of course, unless the man is a professional basketball player and has to duck in order to enter 93% of buildings or if he's wearing nothing but a speedo at a church potluck. In most cases, though, women will have to let their eyes wander some in order to truly "check out" a guy. And when caught, it will be difficult for her to explain to her significant other, "Honey, I wasn't checking him out or anything. I just liked his jeans and wanted to see what brand it was, so I could get you some, because I think you would look really good in them...even better than him. Not that he looks good or anything or that I was even looking. Anyway, how about another drink?"
At the end of the day, while we're all human, crazy old me still thinks we should always be respectful of both our partners and the opposite sex in general, for while we may be classified as sexual beings, that doesn't mean we should see people as sexual objects.
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