Former MTV (Music Television) DJ and current MTV (Moronic Television, AKA Fox News) talking head, Kennedy Montgomery, just recently provided the world words so inspirational, Martin Luther King is providing her the slow-clap from heaven. When discussing the CBO's breakdown of the new Senate healthcare bill and how they predicted 22 million fewer people will have health insurance because of it, here's how Ms. Kennedy responded to Eric Bolling's comment regarding the matter:
Bolling: "'Thousands of people (will die),' Bernie Sanders says, Pelosi says 'hundreds of thousands.' Kennedy, Schumer says, 'one to two thousand.'"
Kennedy: "You know what, at least they are not employing any hyperbole at all. No exaggeration, no hysteria. You know what the crazy thing is? We're all going to die. And they can't predict -- there's no way unless they are absolutely psychic and have a party line to heaven, they don't know who's going to die or when or how many people."
Translation: "Whether all of us or none of us have healthcare, whether you get hit by a semi truck going 123 mph, get dropped off the Empire State Building onto a bit spike, get struck my lightning while walking on Uranus, or get a heart attack five seconds after penetrating Sister Clarice at a convent, we're all gonna die. You're gonna die; I'm gonna die; all of us at one point or another, we become nothing, and like, yeah, so there's that."
Inspirational words brought to you by Kennedy Montgomery.
In the future, I imagine Kennedy offering similarly inspiring words at the following events:
Event: Wedding
Kennedy: "This is such a joyous moment. Two people are joined together, promising their love for one another. It's just a wonderful event. Are you all happy? Good. Well, enjoy this moment, because it's not going to last. You're going to argue, lie to one another, fight, possibly cheat on each other, and there's about a 50% chance you'll get a divorce. That's not even taking into consideration the chance one of you dies very early in this marriage. Oh, and odds have it, if it's a murder, who will have killed you? Your spouse. I'm just sayin'. I'm just sayin'. Cheers, everyone!"
Event: Graduation
Kennedy: "Congratulations. You made it through college. I'm sure your parents are very proud, and rightly so. I've gotta tell you something, though. While today might be a great day, it's all downhill from here, folks. You'll be paying college debts until death do you part from this world. There's a good chance you'll never even use this degree. What did you even learn anyway? I mean, really? Five years from now, what would this money have really paid for? Are you going to carry over even 5% of this knowledge with you? It's all pretty pointless if you ask me. Well, anyway, go whatever your nickname is! Peace."
Event: 50-year anniversary
Kennedy: "No matter who you are and what you believe, you have to admit two people being together for 50 years is quite an accomplishment. Can you imagine? I can't. Wow... Let's all give this couple a standing ovation. Come on, on your feet. Everyone. This is truly incredible. Okay, you can sit down. Fifty years together and fifty years closer to dying. They don't have much longer here, do they? I mean, I don't have a crystal ball or anything, but when it comes to odds, the chances are decent one of them won't wake up tomorrow. Anyway, here's to another 50 years! Bottoms up!"
Yeah, even Debbie Downer is offering Kennedy some Prozac...
https://www.mediamatters.org/video/2017/06/27/fox-host-dismisses-dangers-posed-republican-health-care-bill-because-were-all-going-die-anyway/217066
Bolling: "'Thousands of people (will die),' Bernie Sanders says, Pelosi says 'hundreds of thousands.' Kennedy, Schumer says, 'one to two thousand.'"
Kennedy: "You know what, at least they are not employing any hyperbole at all. No exaggeration, no hysteria. You know what the crazy thing is? We're all going to die. And they can't predict -- there's no way unless they are absolutely psychic and have a party line to heaven, they don't know who's going to die or when or how many people."
Translation: "Whether all of us or none of us have healthcare, whether you get hit by a semi truck going 123 mph, get dropped off the Empire State Building onto a bit spike, get struck my lightning while walking on Uranus, or get a heart attack five seconds after penetrating Sister Clarice at a convent, we're all gonna die. You're gonna die; I'm gonna die; all of us at one point or another, we become nothing, and like, yeah, so there's that."
Inspirational words brought to you by Kennedy Montgomery.
In the future, I imagine Kennedy offering similarly inspiring words at the following events:
Event: Wedding
Kennedy: "This is such a joyous moment. Two people are joined together, promising their love for one another. It's just a wonderful event. Are you all happy? Good. Well, enjoy this moment, because it's not going to last. You're going to argue, lie to one another, fight, possibly cheat on each other, and there's about a 50% chance you'll get a divorce. That's not even taking into consideration the chance one of you dies very early in this marriage. Oh, and odds have it, if it's a murder, who will have killed you? Your spouse. I'm just sayin'. I'm just sayin'. Cheers, everyone!"
Event: Graduation
Kennedy: "Congratulations. You made it through college. I'm sure your parents are very proud, and rightly so. I've gotta tell you something, though. While today might be a great day, it's all downhill from here, folks. You'll be paying college debts until death do you part from this world. There's a good chance you'll never even use this degree. What did you even learn anyway? I mean, really? Five years from now, what would this money have really paid for? Are you going to carry over even 5% of this knowledge with you? It's all pretty pointless if you ask me. Well, anyway, go whatever your nickname is! Peace."
Event: 50-year anniversary
Kennedy: "No matter who you are and what you believe, you have to admit two people being together for 50 years is quite an accomplishment. Can you imagine? I can't. Wow... Let's all give this couple a standing ovation. Come on, on your feet. Everyone. This is truly incredible. Okay, you can sit down. Fifty years together and fifty years closer to dying. They don't have much longer here, do they? I mean, I don't have a crystal ball or anything, but when it comes to odds, the chances are decent one of them won't wake up tomorrow. Anyway, here's to another 50 years! Bottoms up!"
Yeah, even Debbie Downer is offering Kennedy some Prozac...
https://www.mediamatters.org/video/2017/06/27/fox-host-dismisses-dangers-posed-republican-health-care-bill-because-were-all-going-die-anyway/217066
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