Skip to main content

Trump's positive news briefings

It was reported three weeks ago that, twice a day, President Donald Trump is presented with a packet of papers which, wait for it, present him in a positive light. These papers include positive: Cable news chyrons, tweets, TV interview transcripts, stories, pictures, etc. Outside of tweeting nonsensical things, this is how the president starts his day. Ironically enough, with Trump's approval rating in the 30s, these positive references are becoming harder to come by. In fact, they're becoming so rare, I have to wonder if members of Trump's inner-circle aren't making up said stories, or at the very least, editing negative headlines to make them come across as positive. Here's how I envision the titles of some of these positive papers:

- "You were very handsome at one point in your life." - One of your three wives or many mistresses

- "People who say you're a liar don't know the real you. You once told me your name was Donald Trump. That was true." - Anonymous

- Headline: "Trump's approval drops to 30%"

  Revision: "President Trump's presidential approval is 30% higher than any one else"

- Headline: "Trump breaks promise"

  Revision: "Trump never pinky-swore for promise"

- "That thing on your head still looks pretty good!" - Dick Cheney after mistakenly shooting a friend who he felt looked like a rat

- "ur da smertest prez eva @realDonaldTrump" - @DoomAss1

- "Hey, at least you didn't grab me!" - a pussycat

- "Obama's birth certificate is a fake! I have proof!" - @FullOfBiglyCrap

- "You've got bigger hands than me!" - Little Timmy

- Headline: "Trump sued for $250 million"

  Revision: "Trump has more than enough money to pay off lawsuit"

https://news.vice.com/story/trump-folder-positive-news-white-house

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

Trump's Lie Tally at the CNN Debate

1) "We had the greatest economy in the history of our country. We had never done so well. Every – everybody was amazed by it. Other countries were copying us." 2) "But the thing we never got the credit for, and we should have, is getting us out of that COVID mess." 3) "The only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants and bounceback jobs; they’re bounced back from the COVID." 4) "Not going to drive them higher. It’s just going to cause countries that have been ripping us off for years, like China and many others, in all fairness to China – it’s going to just force them to pay us a lot of money, reduce our deficit tremendously, and give us a lot of power for other things." (tariffs) 5) "He also said he inherited 9 percent inflation." 6) "No, he inherited almost no inflation and it stayed that way for 14 months. And then it blew up under his leadership, because they spent money like a bunch of people that didn’t know what t...
Post a Comment
Read more