The third and (thankfully) final installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey series, Fifty Shades Freed, is out. To this point, critics have felt about the same about the three films as they have about the books on which they're based. Fifty Shades Freed currently has an 11% approval rating on RottenTomatoes.com. Here are some of my favorite review headlines:
- "There are unintentional laughs in the plodding, clunky story, but the biggest laugh is the one this series has had on the audience for three movies." - Adam Graham (Detroit News)
- "If Christian Grey was ugly and worked at McDonald's he'd be either arrested or on an FBI watchlist." - Robert Kojder (Flickering Myth)
- "I'm not certain if Fifty Shades Freed is marginally better than its predecessors, or if I've just grown accustomed to the awfulness of the franchise." - Christopher Lawrence (Las Vegas Review-Journal)
- "Lazy, vapid, unsexy, mind-numbing and poorly edited. A reminder of how far we've come from the Golden Age of American Cinema. It leaves you feeling nothing but relieved that the series is officially over." - Avi Offer (NYC Movie Guru)
- "Never thought I would say this, but the thought of enduring even one more 30-foot-tall-close-up of an erect nipple dripping with ice cream, chocolate, or spit is pure torture." - Frank Wilkins (Reel Reviews)
- "More often laughs are unintentional, depending on what Ana and Christian are doing before sex." - Steve Persall (Tampa Bay Times)
- "It limps to a finish and when it's over, I imagine that no one is happier to see the end than its two stars." - Sandra Hall (Sydney Morning Herald)
- "The series limps to the finish by overlaying the usual BDSM stuff on top of an uncommonly stupid thriller." - Stephen Silver (Splice Today)
- "With little else to keep me interested as the story stumbled along, I did enjoy keeping track of all the trendy names of various minor supporting characters." - Richard Roeper (Chicago Sun-Times)
- "Fifty Shades is a veritable orgy of ineptitude and unprofessionalism - which might not be a problem, except that the film also insists on showing everyone at work all the time." - Angie Han (Mashable)
- "Comes with a distinctly nasty aftertaste that no amount of ice cream on the inner thigh can shift." - Rosie Fletcher (Digital Spy)
- "My NYE resolution is to be more positive. I found something positive to say about Fifty Shades Freed. We're finally done with this crap and that is a positive. Right?" - Gary Wolcott (Try-City Herald)
- "My Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy: Anastasia Steele gets a restraining order against Christian Grey, writes a tell-all book about him, and becomes a #MeToo/#TimesUp heroine. Mmm, sexy." - MaryAnn Johnson (Flick Filosopher)
- "Naked. Handcuffs. Lather. Rinse. Repeat." - Christian Toto (HollywoodInToto.com)
- "If only audiences could stop the horrors by shouting RED! at the screen." - Phil Villarreal (ABC Tucson)
- "Did someone say 'freed' already? Yes, please. Red. Red. Red." - Kate Taylor (Globe and Mail)
- "Now that it's finished, let us never speak of it again." - Mark Dujsik (Mark Reviews)
- "Might as well be called 'So I Married a Sociopath.'" - Katie Walsh (Tribune News Service)
- "The best that can be said of the whole thing is that there won't be any more." - Joshua Starnes (ComingSoon.net)
- "Two hours of cruel and unusual punishment. The zero-star rating may be too kind." - Peter Travers (Rolling Stone)
- "Why is there an umbrella stand in the Red Rood?" - Allison Shoemaker (Consequence of Sound)
- "There's plenty of artfully-lit airbrushed-sex - and unintended guffaws -- for those with a taste for midnight-movie-style chewy badness. Otherwise, the safe word should be 'avoid.'" - Brian Lowry (CNN.com)
- "...hopefully this is the final episode of a bad voyage." - Rolando Gallego (EscribiendoCine)
- "Fifty Shades Freed ends the franchise not with a whimper, nor a bang, but a Pinterest board of bad ideas involving storytelling, relationship advice, and general conduct." - Mike Reyes (CinemaBlend.com)
- "Though it's difficult to discern the flavour of ice cream used in one so-called erotic encounter, it's probably vanilla." - Bruce Demara (Toronto Star)
- "Christian has always been the world's least exciting sex-obsessed billionaire, and in domesticated form, he just gets worse - cooking, weeping, playing Paul McCartney love songs on the piano." - Gary Thompson (Philadelphia Daily News)
- "Finally, we are freed of this franchise." - Max Weiss (Baltimore Magazine)
- "This third chapter closes the book on all the hijinks we've endured for the past 6 years, finally giving the audience the release (pun intended) we've all been craving." - Courtney Howard (Fresh Fiction)
- "As the trilogy goes out, more desperate than ever to convince us it was in on the joke all along, it's hard to say exactly what the joke was." - Emily Yoshida (New York Magazine)
- "Seriously though, was there a discussion of whether they should be lathering each other in 'Chunky Monkey' or 'The Tonight Dough?'" - David Crow (Den of Geek)
- "Tie me up, tie me down, make me watch bad films. Just no more 'Fifty Shades,' please." - Stephen Whitty (New York Daily News)
- "If you're still watching the third movie, you know what you're getting. Fifty Shades Freed certainly is another one!" - Fred Topel (Monsters and Critics)
- "At least this time, some of the laughs are intentional." - Roger Moore (Movie Nation)
- "...marginally better than its predecessor in much the same way that being shot through the head is better than being guillotined..." - Travis Johnson (FILMINK)
- "Add it all up, and Fifty Shades Freed was pretty much doomed to be exactly the highly glossed, deeply tedious and incontrovertibly lousy pile of old rubbish that it is." - Graeme Tuckett (Stuff.co.nz)
- "Just as the tortured hunk is finally free from his bondage, so am I from the relationship I have with this franchise." - Jeanmarie Tan (The New Paper)
- "This is a film in which one of the more emotionally detailed performances is given by a product-placement Audi." - Robbie Collin (Daily Telegraph)
- "The best that can be said of Fifty Shades Freed is that it offers the lasting relief of knowing the franchise won't ever be calling for another hook-up." - Leigh Paatsch (Herald Sun)
- "A sex-free, PG-13 version of 'Freed' could be cut without shedding a second of narrative coherence, such as it is; one could ask what the point of that would be, thought similar queries might be leveled at the film as it stands." - Guy Lodge (Variety)
Closing the chapter on Fifty Shades of Crap films, here are how the final RottenTomatoes numbers of the series break down:
Total ratings: 533
Fresh ratings: 94 (17.6%)
Rotten ratings: 439 (82.4%)
Average rating: 3.7/10
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/fifty_shades_freed/
- "There are unintentional laughs in the plodding, clunky story, but the biggest laugh is the one this series has had on the audience for three movies." - Adam Graham (Detroit News)
- "If Christian Grey was ugly and worked at McDonald's he'd be either arrested or on an FBI watchlist." - Robert Kojder (Flickering Myth)
- "I'm not certain if Fifty Shades Freed is marginally better than its predecessors, or if I've just grown accustomed to the awfulness of the franchise." - Christopher Lawrence (Las Vegas Review-Journal)
- "Lazy, vapid, unsexy, mind-numbing and poorly edited. A reminder of how far we've come from the Golden Age of American Cinema. It leaves you feeling nothing but relieved that the series is officially over." - Avi Offer (NYC Movie Guru)
- "Never thought I would say this, but the thought of enduring even one more 30-foot-tall-close-up of an erect nipple dripping with ice cream, chocolate, or spit is pure torture." - Frank Wilkins (Reel Reviews)
- "More often laughs are unintentional, depending on what Ana and Christian are doing before sex." - Steve Persall (Tampa Bay Times)
- "It limps to a finish and when it's over, I imagine that no one is happier to see the end than its two stars." - Sandra Hall (Sydney Morning Herald)
- "The series limps to the finish by overlaying the usual BDSM stuff on top of an uncommonly stupid thriller." - Stephen Silver (Splice Today)
- "With little else to keep me interested as the story stumbled along, I did enjoy keeping track of all the trendy names of various minor supporting characters." - Richard Roeper (Chicago Sun-Times)
- "Fifty Shades is a veritable orgy of ineptitude and unprofessionalism - which might not be a problem, except that the film also insists on showing everyone at work all the time." - Angie Han (Mashable)
- "Comes with a distinctly nasty aftertaste that no amount of ice cream on the inner thigh can shift." - Rosie Fletcher (Digital Spy)
- "My NYE resolution is to be more positive. I found something positive to say about Fifty Shades Freed. We're finally done with this crap and that is a positive. Right?" - Gary Wolcott (Try-City Herald)
- "My Fifty Shades of Grey fantasy: Anastasia Steele gets a restraining order against Christian Grey, writes a tell-all book about him, and becomes a #MeToo/#TimesUp heroine. Mmm, sexy." - MaryAnn Johnson (Flick Filosopher)
- "Naked. Handcuffs. Lather. Rinse. Repeat." - Christian Toto (HollywoodInToto.com)
- "If only audiences could stop the horrors by shouting RED! at the screen." - Phil Villarreal (ABC Tucson)
- "Did someone say 'freed' already? Yes, please. Red. Red. Red." - Kate Taylor (Globe and Mail)
- "Now that it's finished, let us never speak of it again." - Mark Dujsik (Mark Reviews)
- "Might as well be called 'So I Married a Sociopath.'" - Katie Walsh (Tribune News Service)
- "The best that can be said of the whole thing is that there won't be any more." - Joshua Starnes (ComingSoon.net)
- "Two hours of cruel and unusual punishment. The zero-star rating may be too kind." - Peter Travers (Rolling Stone)
- "Why is there an umbrella stand in the Red Rood?" - Allison Shoemaker (Consequence of Sound)
- "There's plenty of artfully-lit airbrushed-sex - and unintended guffaws -- for those with a taste for midnight-movie-style chewy badness. Otherwise, the safe word should be 'avoid.'" - Brian Lowry (CNN.com)
- "...hopefully this is the final episode of a bad voyage." - Rolando Gallego (EscribiendoCine)
- "Fifty Shades Freed ends the franchise not with a whimper, nor a bang, but a Pinterest board of bad ideas involving storytelling, relationship advice, and general conduct." - Mike Reyes (CinemaBlend.com)
- "Though it's difficult to discern the flavour of ice cream used in one so-called erotic encounter, it's probably vanilla." - Bruce Demara (Toronto Star)
- "Christian has always been the world's least exciting sex-obsessed billionaire, and in domesticated form, he just gets worse - cooking, weeping, playing Paul McCartney love songs on the piano." - Gary Thompson (Philadelphia Daily News)
- "Finally, we are freed of this franchise." - Max Weiss (Baltimore Magazine)
- "This third chapter closes the book on all the hijinks we've endured for the past 6 years, finally giving the audience the release (pun intended) we've all been craving." - Courtney Howard (Fresh Fiction)
- "As the trilogy goes out, more desperate than ever to convince us it was in on the joke all along, it's hard to say exactly what the joke was." - Emily Yoshida (New York Magazine)
- "Seriously though, was there a discussion of whether they should be lathering each other in 'Chunky Monkey' or 'The Tonight Dough?'" - David Crow (Den of Geek)
- "Tie me up, tie me down, make me watch bad films. Just no more 'Fifty Shades,' please." - Stephen Whitty (New York Daily News)
- "If you're still watching the third movie, you know what you're getting. Fifty Shades Freed certainly is another one!" - Fred Topel (Monsters and Critics)
- "At least this time, some of the laughs are intentional." - Roger Moore (Movie Nation)
- "...marginally better than its predecessor in much the same way that being shot through the head is better than being guillotined..." - Travis Johnson (FILMINK)
- "Add it all up, and Fifty Shades Freed was pretty much doomed to be exactly the highly glossed, deeply tedious and incontrovertibly lousy pile of old rubbish that it is." - Graeme Tuckett (Stuff.co.nz)
- "Just as the tortured hunk is finally free from his bondage, so am I from the relationship I have with this franchise." - Jeanmarie Tan (The New Paper)
- "This is a film in which one of the more emotionally detailed performances is given by a product-placement Audi." - Robbie Collin (Daily Telegraph)
- "The best that can be said of Fifty Shades Freed is that it offers the lasting relief of knowing the franchise won't ever be calling for another hook-up." - Leigh Paatsch (Herald Sun)
- "A sex-free, PG-13 version of 'Freed' could be cut without shedding a second of narrative coherence, such as it is; one could ask what the point of that would be, thought similar queries might be leveled at the film as it stands." - Guy Lodge (Variety)
Closing the chapter on Fifty Shades of Crap films, here are how the final RottenTomatoes numbers of the series break down:
Total ratings: 533
Fresh ratings: 94 (17.6%)
Rotten ratings: 439 (82.4%)
Average rating: 3.7/10
https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/fifty_shades_freed/
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