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"Things That Would Never Happen" brought to you by Donald Trump

Just yesterday, Donald Trump told the world, "I really think if I'd had been there, I would have run into the school and disarmed the Parkland shooter with my bare hands."

Here's a man that basically ran away from an eagle, a person shouting at a rally, and someone who was dying. He has more Vietnam deferments than Jesus has disciples. Okay, that last one may be slightly exaggerated, but you get my point. The man possesses less courage than my spayed dog has testicles. However, if he wants to play the game, Things That Would Never Happen, why should we stop there? In the future, expect Mr. Trump to state the following:

- "I really think if I had been there, I would have jumped on to the iceberg and pushed the Titanic away from it with my bare hands. I really do."

- "If I were God, I woulda created the world in 5 days."

- "I woulda only needed a rubberband & a Blockbuster card to kill Hitler."

- "I've always said this. If I had been the 5th Beatle, John Legend woulda never gotten shot or dated that Yoko Ono chick."

- "In the Civil War, I woulda beaten both sides w/my bare hands."

- "I've thought long and hard about this, and if I had been at that concert in Vegas when the guy shot all those people, I would have thrown my private paper airplane at him and killed him on the spot. I guarantee it. I guarantee it."

- "If I had been in Jina when they were about to invent the global warming hoax, I would have said, 'Hey, Jiiina! Cool it!,' and that would have been the end of it, folks."

- "Darth Vader woulda died in the opening scene of Star Wars if I had been in it. I'm just sayin'. I'm just sayin'."

- "If I had been around salt water during Hurricane Katrina, I woulda run out to it, started swimming in it, hit it with my bare hands, and it would've stopped, believe me."

- "I'm gonna build a wall and make Mexico pay for it."
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