Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 126: “Hit the Jim/Gym” (parody based on the Biz Markie song, “Just a Friend”) now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 126: “Hit the Jim/Gym” (parody based on the Biz Markie song, “Just a Friend”)

Premiere Date: 3/12/21

Length: 3:57 (635 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/hit-the-jimgym-parody-based-on-the-biz-markie-song-just-a-friend/

Transcript: 

Know a guy everyone wants to punch in the face

His name is Jim; he wrestled at Ohio State

Well, no – while others got pinned, he closed his eyes

Now the mascot Brutus even wants to kick his ass

He may be called Jordan, but he ain’t got no game

Hits nothing but air, even in the lane

Yeah, he thinks he’s all that, but really, he’s not

Just an enabler, a dick the size of a dot

Not that I’d know or anything; some just saying

Even after Viagra, he looks like a cold-pool Costanza

He may talk big, but he’s weak as a chair

That was torn apart by F5 tornadoes

He calls himself a Buckeye, but he’s a traitor

Pissing on the “O” at midfield

Hands the ball to the opponent

Some say a kid has a face only a mother could love

But Jim has a face every mother wants to punch

Unlike Cheeto-in-Chief, though, let’s not resort to violence

Let’s hit this criminal where it really hurts

Let’s work out, bigly, seven days a week

So he’s not reelected

 

We, we need to get trim, so let’s go and hit the Jim

So let’s go and hit the Jim, ev’ry day

We, we need to get trim, so let’s go and hit the Jim

So let’s go and hit the Jim, ev’ry day

We, we need to get trim, so let’s go and hit the Jim

So let’s go and hit the Jim

 

It’s a known fact: Jim knows just one position

Don’t worry; it’s not kama sutra or an’thing

Yeah, submissive to the dollar

Green paper has him on a choke collar

Believes in taxing the poor, giving to the rich

Like that trickles down like crumbs to a lit’ral bitch

Wants to control women’s bodies against will

If he got pregnant, he’d start popping the pills

Claims to believe in God, but don’t act like it

Disposing of this land and sea like a pile of sh*t

“Global pandemics aren’t a real big deal”

No rules: “If we all die, at least we’ll all be free”

“Let people go to school, bars, ‘specially church”

“If all the patrons die, it’s what God wanted”

Five-hundred k die, Jim’s worried ‘bout his wallet

It was probably made in China, like his MAGA hat

If everything wrong with this country were summed in one man

He would look an awful lot like Jim Jordan

It is high past time we made his voice dim

Hit the Jim

 

We, we need to get trim, so let’s go and hit the Jim

So let’s go and hit the Jim, ev’ry day

We, we need to get trim, so let’s go and hit the Jim

So let’s go and hit the Jim, ev’ry day

We, we need to get trim, so let’s go and hit the Jim

So let’s go and hit the Jim

 

So, check it – there’s only one way to stop this Gymbo

Vote his ass out in O-H, district 4

Don’t just look away as he commits crimes

Don’t pull a Jordan – go form a line

Like in Airplane!, only hit him with your votes

Talk jive to him and then kick his ass out

Send him on back home with his tail between his legs

Shriveled up like a couple of mini-grapes

Teary-eyed, say dead voters is what cost him

He’ll then attempt an insurrection

Two will show – Jim and a drunk guy named Bob

Setting the all-time record for tiniest mob

So sad, even sociopaths feel for him

For just a sec – it’s Jim

So let’s get to work – whether treadmill or bench

The heart, phalanx, cerebrum, and larynx

We’d all be better off if we were more slim

To do that, November ‘22, go and hit the Jim