I've written about this before, but it's been on my mind quite a bit recently and I would like to sort out my thoughts on the matter.
On Friday night, I posted a status on Facebook which read, "Craig Rozniecki has got this always-a-friend-never-a-boyfriend thing down to a science. He may have to start teaching classes on it."
I received a response from a guy which said something like, "You've got to kind of be a dickhead. Sadly, it works."
I talked to a distant cousin of mine, an older lady, about this and the aspect of a "challenge" and she said that sadly, yes, young people in particular seem to be attracted to that.
Looking at the past two women I pursued and two whom kind of pursued me, they all have something in common - they have a history of dating, for lack of a better word, dickheads. They've admitted this. When they haven't and have described to me the men they were dating, how they treated and spoke to them, I could deduce that they were indeed dickheads.
Now, I have no intention of altering who I am in order to play the "game" more efficiently. I am who I am, remain true to myself and just hope that a woman finds me attractive enough inside and out to garner a greater interest in me than that of a friend. With that, though, I think I've slowly begun to unravel why it is women tend to go for the dickhead as opposed to the nice guy more times than not, up to a certain age at least (18-35ish).
I think that often times, these women see nice guys as kind of like their girlfriends. They're always there for them, will listen to them vent and/or cry, will talk to them about anything, etc., just like some of their girlfriends. There isn't that excitement or adrenaline-rush with them. There's no risk. Things appear to be too easy for it to be anything greater than that of a friendship, so they instantly envision these guys as just that - friends. Once a guy is placed in that category, it can be quite the trying experience to remove that glass ceiling and continue to move upward.
Another problem nice guys have is the fact these women don't want to lose them as friends. With the "dickhead," there resides no such worry. If things don't work out, then oh well. If things evolved with the nice guy and didn't work out, then that could place a severe dent in the friendship, if not completely destroy it. While risk may be attractive to these women as far as a dating prospect goes, it isn't attractive when it involves potentially losing a grand friendship.
We also seem to lack a certain sense of mystery. We may be extremely open and honest, but perhaps too much so in the eyes and minds of these women. With a guy whom isn't as open and honest, this may make the woman ever more curious to learn more about the guy and feel a certain rush without knowing who this guy really is and wanting to uncover the mystery. With the nice guys, there usually isn't this mystery. They're nice, open and honest, which is great for any friendship, but may detract from a woman's curiosity on learning more about him.
There's also the challenge aspect. This may be true for a decent majority of both genders, but I've noticed with many women that they enjoy the before-mentioned "challenge". With a genuinely nice guy, he likely won't present this. He'll listen, give good advice, do favors, buy/make gifts and do everything he can so the woman will feel like a queen, however, she won't have to necessarily work for this love and may see things as too easy, too good to be true or potentially not genuine. With the "dickhead," there are no guarantees. There is unpredictability. The woman may feel as if she has to work for the man's attention and love. She may also love the idea of molding a "dickhead" to her liking, presenting yet another challenge. With the nice guy, there would likely be nothing to change, nothing major anyway. With the "dickhead," the woman could see him as an old, beaten up car which may appear rough at the time, but she feels with some work and dedication, it could be a winner.
This isn't the case with all women, of course. With a response to my before-mentioned Facebook status regarding this very topic, a friend of mine (an ex actually) said, "Not all women like dickheads." I know, but it certainly does seem that way at times.
So, these are the obstacles many of us nice guys face, where we may resemble the woman's girlfriends in terms of our friendship, that our friendship is too valuable to risk losing, we lack a sense of mystery and a certain challenge for them.
This is where I come into play. I'm regarded by everyone I know as one of these nice guys, some may say too nice. I tend to agree with them and sometimes wish I wasn't so nice, but that's just who I am. I'm open and honest, like doing favors for others or surprising them with a gift, making people laugh, will give a listening ear (two of them, in fact) and/or a shoulder to cry on when needed and give good advice when called upon. Again, that's just who I am. It leaves me vulnerable to getting hurt and has resulted in that on a number of occasions, but once again, it's just who I am. When I'm around women, regardless of their age, status, physical attractiveness, intellect, etc., they feel good. They laugh at my jokes, feel comfortable talking to me and just being around me in general, seem to find me attractive, appreciate my creativity and intellect and if involved, will often times ask how it is I'm single or that they wish they knew someone (even a daughter, sister or best friend) whom was worthy and single to set me up with. I get propositioned about once a week, by married and single women alike and turn them all down, because I'm not about that. In the midst of all this, however, I'm still single and having the damnedest time changing that or even being given the opportunity to alter that very status. I may lack the mystery, the risk, possess a friendship with a woman which seems too valuable to risk, etc., but even with all that, I sincerely hope a woman in whom I garner an interest will give the evolution of our friendship a chance.
On Friday night, I posted a status on Facebook which read, "Craig Rozniecki has got this always-a-friend-never-a-boyfriend thing down to a science. He may have to start teaching classes on it."
I received a response from a guy which said something like, "You've got to kind of be a dickhead. Sadly, it works."
I talked to a distant cousin of mine, an older lady, about this and the aspect of a "challenge" and she said that sadly, yes, young people in particular seem to be attracted to that.
Looking at the past two women I pursued and two whom kind of pursued me, they all have something in common - they have a history of dating, for lack of a better word, dickheads. They've admitted this. When they haven't and have described to me the men they were dating, how they treated and spoke to them, I could deduce that they were indeed dickheads.
Now, I have no intention of altering who I am in order to play the "game" more efficiently. I am who I am, remain true to myself and just hope that a woman finds me attractive enough inside and out to garner a greater interest in me than that of a friend. With that, though, I think I've slowly begun to unravel why it is women tend to go for the dickhead as opposed to the nice guy more times than not, up to a certain age at least (18-35ish).
I think that often times, these women see nice guys as kind of like their girlfriends. They're always there for them, will listen to them vent and/or cry, will talk to them about anything, etc., just like some of their girlfriends. There isn't that excitement or adrenaline-rush with them. There's no risk. Things appear to be too easy for it to be anything greater than that of a friendship, so they instantly envision these guys as just that - friends. Once a guy is placed in that category, it can be quite the trying experience to remove that glass ceiling and continue to move upward.
Another problem nice guys have is the fact these women don't want to lose them as friends. With the "dickhead," there resides no such worry. If things don't work out, then oh well. If things evolved with the nice guy and didn't work out, then that could place a severe dent in the friendship, if not completely destroy it. While risk may be attractive to these women as far as a dating prospect goes, it isn't attractive when it involves potentially losing a grand friendship.
We also seem to lack a certain sense of mystery. We may be extremely open and honest, but perhaps too much so in the eyes and minds of these women. With a guy whom isn't as open and honest, this may make the woman ever more curious to learn more about the guy and feel a certain rush without knowing who this guy really is and wanting to uncover the mystery. With the nice guys, there usually isn't this mystery. They're nice, open and honest, which is great for any friendship, but may detract from a woman's curiosity on learning more about him.
There's also the challenge aspect. This may be true for a decent majority of both genders, but I've noticed with many women that they enjoy the before-mentioned "challenge". With a genuinely nice guy, he likely won't present this. He'll listen, give good advice, do favors, buy/make gifts and do everything he can so the woman will feel like a queen, however, she won't have to necessarily work for this love and may see things as too easy, too good to be true or potentially not genuine. With the "dickhead," there are no guarantees. There is unpredictability. The woman may feel as if she has to work for the man's attention and love. She may also love the idea of molding a "dickhead" to her liking, presenting yet another challenge. With the nice guy, there would likely be nothing to change, nothing major anyway. With the "dickhead," the woman could see him as an old, beaten up car which may appear rough at the time, but she feels with some work and dedication, it could be a winner.
This isn't the case with all women, of course. With a response to my before-mentioned Facebook status regarding this very topic, a friend of mine (an ex actually) said, "Not all women like dickheads." I know, but it certainly does seem that way at times.
So, these are the obstacles many of us nice guys face, where we may resemble the woman's girlfriends in terms of our friendship, that our friendship is too valuable to risk losing, we lack a sense of mystery and a certain challenge for them.
This is where I come into play. I'm regarded by everyone I know as one of these nice guys, some may say too nice. I tend to agree with them and sometimes wish I wasn't so nice, but that's just who I am. I'm open and honest, like doing favors for others or surprising them with a gift, making people laugh, will give a listening ear (two of them, in fact) and/or a shoulder to cry on when needed and give good advice when called upon. Again, that's just who I am. It leaves me vulnerable to getting hurt and has resulted in that on a number of occasions, but once again, it's just who I am. When I'm around women, regardless of their age, status, physical attractiveness, intellect, etc., they feel good. They laugh at my jokes, feel comfortable talking to me and just being around me in general, seem to find me attractive, appreciate my creativity and intellect and if involved, will often times ask how it is I'm single or that they wish they knew someone (even a daughter, sister or best friend) whom was worthy and single to set me up with. I get propositioned about once a week, by married and single women alike and turn them all down, because I'm not about that. In the midst of all this, however, I'm still single and having the damnedest time changing that or even being given the opportunity to alter that very status. I may lack the mystery, the risk, possess a friendship with a woman which seems too valuable to risk, etc., but even with all that, I sincerely hope a woman in whom I garner an interest will give the evolution of our friendship a chance.
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