An except from my book, "The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Vol. 2" (Fox News celebrates their annual War on Christmas)
Fox News celebrates their annual War on Christmas (on pages 137-139 in The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue)
According to Fox News and its followers, 2013 brought with it another year in the War on Christmas. From people abbreviating Christmas to Xmas, to "Merry Christmas" becoming "Happy Holidays," to Christmas trees being called holiday trees, the spirit of the Christmas season is obviously becoming no more. Christmas should be a time to celebrate family, tradition, commercialism, and the Jesus. Yes, we've taken the Christ out of Christmas, but not through silly symbolic measures such as abbreviations. No, if Fox News and the like want to go after people for waging a war against Christmas, perhaps they should look elsewhere, which this following story should illustrate:
Setting: Outside of a Wal-Mart just before Black Friday begins
::Wal-Mart officially opens on Black Friday::
Cindy Christ: ::pushes people:: "Out of my way! Get the hell out of my way, people! Hey, you over there - you better not be going for that doll! That's mine!"
Jessica Magdalene: "No, it's not! It's mine now! That's just too bad, isn't it?"
Cindy: "Give me that!" ::attempts to pull it away from Jessica::
Jessica: "No, it's mine - all mine! I'm giving it to my daughter! Go find something else!"
Cindy: ::smacks Jessica across the face and takes the doll: "That's what you think, you selfish bitch!"
Jessica: ::jumps on Cindy's back, trying to take her down:: "Oh, no, you didn't! You're not going to get away that easy! Give it back! Give it back! I had it first!"
Cindy: "Get off of me, you fat cow! Go find another doll, or some Slim-Fast! At your size, if you slim down fast at all, you'll be down to 350 lbs. within a week!"
Jessica: "What? Take it back! Take it back!"
::the two start wrestling on the floor::
Walter Evil: "Ladies, ladies... Come on, now. Is this the way to behave? There was one more doll hidden behind a few things. Here you are. Now you can both have one for your daughters or whoever you'll be giving them to."
::the two ladies get up and nod toward one another, as they continue huffing and puffing::
Walter: "There - that's better. Now let's all continue our shopping in a peaceful manner. What do you say?"
Cindy: "Okay, that sounds good. Thanks, sir. Merry Christmas."
Jessica: "Yeah, thanks. Merry Christmas."
Walter: "Happy Holidays to you both! Take care."
::the two ladies look at one another::
Cindy: "What? Don't you dare take Christ out of Christmas!"
Jessica: "Yeah! You heathen! Let's get him!"
::the two ladies start pouncing on the guy like Sugar Ray Leonard::
Walter: "Stop it! Please! You're hurting me! What did I do?"
Cindy: "You said Happy Holidays!"
::continues punching him::
Jessica: "Yeah! Take it back! Say Merry Christmas!"
Walter: "I don't understand! Please stop this!"
Jessica: "Say Merry Christmas!"
Walter: "Okay, alright - Merry Christmas."
::the two ladies get up::
Cindy: "There - was that so hard?"
Jessica: "Yeah, geez - those frickin' atheists! Wanna go grab a bite to eat?"
Cindy: "Yeah, I'm getting pretty hungry too. Alright, let's buy these dolls and go."
::Jessica pushes Walter down one more time::
Jessica: "A*shole!"
(The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue can be viewed and purchased on paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/the-kind-hearted-smartass-volume-2-the-wisecracks-continue-uncensored-version/paperback/product-21574154.html, and can be viewed and purchased on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/The-Kind-Hearted-Smartass-Wisecracks-Uncensored/dp/1312063025/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1402334790&sr=8-4&keywords=craig+rozniecki)
According to Fox News and its followers, 2013 brought with it another year in the War on Christmas. From people abbreviating Christmas to Xmas, to "Merry Christmas" becoming "Happy Holidays," to Christmas trees being called holiday trees, the spirit of the Christmas season is obviously becoming no more. Christmas should be a time to celebrate family, tradition, commercialism, and the Jesus. Yes, we've taken the Christ out of Christmas, but not through silly symbolic measures such as abbreviations. No, if Fox News and the like want to go after people for waging a war against Christmas, perhaps they should look elsewhere, which this following story should illustrate:
Setting: Outside of a Wal-Mart just before Black Friday begins
::Wal-Mart officially opens on Black Friday::
Cindy Christ: ::pushes people:: "Out of my way! Get the hell out of my way, people! Hey, you over there - you better not be going for that doll! That's mine!"
Jessica Magdalene: "No, it's not! It's mine now! That's just too bad, isn't it?"
Cindy: "Give me that!" ::attempts to pull it away from Jessica::
Jessica: "No, it's mine - all mine! I'm giving it to my daughter! Go find something else!"
Cindy: ::smacks Jessica across the face and takes the doll: "That's what you think, you selfish bitch!"
Jessica: ::jumps on Cindy's back, trying to take her down:: "Oh, no, you didn't! You're not going to get away that easy! Give it back! Give it back! I had it first!"
Cindy: "Get off of me, you fat cow! Go find another doll, or some Slim-Fast! At your size, if you slim down fast at all, you'll be down to 350 lbs. within a week!"
Jessica: "What? Take it back! Take it back!"
::the two start wrestling on the floor::
Walter Evil: "Ladies, ladies... Come on, now. Is this the way to behave? There was one more doll hidden behind a few things. Here you are. Now you can both have one for your daughters or whoever you'll be giving them to."
::the two ladies get up and nod toward one another, as they continue huffing and puffing::
Walter: "There - that's better. Now let's all continue our shopping in a peaceful manner. What do you say?"
Cindy: "Okay, that sounds good. Thanks, sir. Merry Christmas."
Jessica: "Yeah, thanks. Merry Christmas."
Walter: "Happy Holidays to you both! Take care."
::the two ladies look at one another::
Cindy: "What? Don't you dare take Christ out of Christmas!"
Jessica: "Yeah! You heathen! Let's get him!"
::the two ladies start pouncing on the guy like Sugar Ray Leonard::
Walter: "Stop it! Please! You're hurting me! What did I do?"
Cindy: "You said Happy Holidays!"
::continues punching him::
Jessica: "Yeah! Take it back! Say Merry Christmas!"
Walter: "I don't understand! Please stop this!"
Jessica: "Say Merry Christmas!"
Walter: "Okay, alright - Merry Christmas."
::the two ladies get up::
Cindy: "There - was that so hard?"
Jessica: "Yeah, geez - those frickin' atheists! Wanna go grab a bite to eat?"
Cindy: "Yeah, I'm getting pretty hungry too. Alright, let's buy these dolls and go."
::Jessica pushes Walter down one more time::
Jessica: "A*shole!"
(The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue can be viewed and purchased on paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/the-kind-hearted-smartass-volume-2-the-wisecracks-continue-uncensored-version/paperback/product-21574154.html, and can be viewed and purchased on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/The-Kind-Hearted-Smartass-Wisecracks-Uncensored/dp/1312063025/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1402334790&sr=8-4&keywords=craig+rozniecki)
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