When someone says, "Everything happens for a reason," they're typically not talking about causality...

I recently got into a discussion regarding the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason." While I've written about this phrase before, and how much it irks me when another utters it, it's mainly due to 95% of the people using it in reference to a higher power and predestination. When I recently discussed this with another, she referred to its accuracy due to causality (everything does literally happen for a reason, due to cause and effect). While I don't think I can dispute that claim, again, the reason why this phrase gets under my skin so much (not literally) is because, most times, it's used in reference to predestination and not in reference to causality. While the causality route may appear to be insensitive when it's used with regard to a tragedy of some kind, it's at least accurate. The predestination route, to me anyway, comes across as both insensitive and likely inaccurate. Here is an example of each:

Causality Route (rarely, if ever used)

Barbara Bushel: "I can't believe it! It's so sad! Little Billy was only 8-years-old! He had his whole life in front of him." ::breaks down and cries::

Dr. Jeremiah Singh: "Well, everything happens for a reason, my dear." ::pats her on the back::

Ms. Bushel: "What?"

Dr. Singh: "Well, you see - Billy didn't look both ways before running out into the street after his basketball. When that semi-truck hit him head on, he had less of a chance to make it than a mime does on American Idol."

Ms. Bushel: ::temporary stunned silence, before uttering...:: "What? You're such a dick!"

Dr. Singh: "They're there. Like I said - everything happens for a reason. Well, I'll leave you alone now so you can think about the fact I just laid before you. My sincere condolences..."


Predestination Route (used in most such scenarios)

Barbara Bushel: "I can't believe it! It's so sad! Little Billy was only 8-years-old! He had his whole life in front of him." ::breaks down and cries::

Dr. Jeremiah Singh: "Well, everything happens for a reason, my dear." ::pats her on the back::

Ms. Bushel: "What?"

Dr. Singh: "Well, we may not know the answer now, but we'll know some day. God has a plan for each and every one of us, and it's best for us to just place our lives in his hands and trust that he knows what to do."

Ms. Bushel: "What? Best for us? Like killing my son? You're such a dick!"

Dr. Singh: "Yes, I mean, no, I mean, I better get going. I have another appointment. Just pray, trust God, and everything will be okay. Like I said - everything happens for a reason. Well, I'll leave you alone now so you can think about the unprovable statement I just laid before you. My sincere condolences..."


So, the next time a tragedy strikes someone you know and you're tempted to utter the line, "Everything happens for a reason," give the person a big hug, and instead say, "I'm so sorry. If there's anything you ever need - if you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here for you," and mean it.