An excerpt from my book, "LOL at the GOP: Vol. 5" (What if other workers treated their jobs like Tea Partiers do?)
What if other workers treated their jobs like Tea Partiers do? (on pages 11-12 in LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party")
It seems that politicians affiliated with the Tea Party think the government is evil, aren't coy about saying this, and do everything in their power to shut down the government. I've always found this to be a tad odd. First off, why would someone seek a position with a group he or she didn't believe in? Secondly, if this person was hired, why would he or she do everything in their power to shut it down? Can you imagine people in other professions holding a similar philosophy? If these individuals were to earn their jobs through a vote, I imagine their ads would go as follows:
Position: Teacher
"I'm going to be frank - I don't believe in public education. I never did, as a matter of fact. It's actually my goal to get education abolished entirely. We simply don't need it. The only things we need to learn are from our parents and our Lord Jesus Christ. So, please keep that in mind this next Tuesday when you make your vote, and vote for me to teach your children at Ohcrap Elementary School. So long as there's still school, I'll be there every weekday, on time, reading Cosmopolitan magazine to myself while the kids do whatever in the heck they want."
Position: Doctor
"Like pills, shots, and appointments? Me neither! Who does, right? Or how about surgery? That's the worst! Well, what if we didn't have to worry about any of that stuff? If it were my choice, I'd never see a doctor. I don't like them, I don't trust them, and I don't like how they always ask me how I'm feeling. That really gets under my skin - sometimes in more ways than one! Well, I'm telling you here and now that you can have that choice and make me your doctor with your vote next Tuesday! I won't give you pills, shots, perform surgeries, or schedule appointments! I'll just be in my office, keeping to myself, and making all my patients happy in return! So, if you want a doctor who won't take care of you, won't make you feel better, and won't even acknowledge your existence, vote for me and make me that guy!"
Position: Pastor
"Jesus F'ing Christ, I hate religion! I can't stand it! I literally hate everything about it! Seriously, must we eat crackers all the time? Must we look like we're falling asleep when talking to God? Must we read a book that's so boring? ...and don't even get me started on those songs! Anyway, election day is approaching us and I'd like nothing more than to be your pastor at the local church - whatever it's called! Vote for me! Don't worry, Jesus will forgive you!"
(LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" can be viewed and purchased on paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop-volume-5-you-cant-spell-forgot-to-take-their-crazy-pills-without-tea-party/paperback/product-21599805.html, and can be viewed and purchased on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/LOL-GOP-Spell-Forgot-Without-ebook/dp/B00K27DBUW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402336939&sr=8-1&keywords=craig+rozniecki)
It seems that politicians affiliated with the Tea Party think the government is evil, aren't coy about saying this, and do everything in their power to shut down the government. I've always found this to be a tad odd. First off, why would someone seek a position with a group he or she didn't believe in? Secondly, if this person was hired, why would he or she do everything in their power to shut it down? Can you imagine people in other professions holding a similar philosophy? If these individuals were to earn their jobs through a vote, I imagine their ads would go as follows:
Position: Teacher
"I'm going to be frank - I don't believe in public education. I never did, as a matter of fact. It's actually my goal to get education abolished entirely. We simply don't need it. The only things we need to learn are from our parents and our Lord Jesus Christ. So, please keep that in mind this next Tuesday when you make your vote, and vote for me to teach your children at Ohcrap Elementary School. So long as there's still school, I'll be there every weekday, on time, reading Cosmopolitan magazine to myself while the kids do whatever in the heck they want."
Position: Doctor
"Like pills, shots, and appointments? Me neither! Who does, right? Or how about surgery? That's the worst! Well, what if we didn't have to worry about any of that stuff? If it were my choice, I'd never see a doctor. I don't like them, I don't trust them, and I don't like how they always ask me how I'm feeling. That really gets under my skin - sometimes in more ways than one! Well, I'm telling you here and now that you can have that choice and make me your doctor with your vote next Tuesday! I won't give you pills, shots, perform surgeries, or schedule appointments! I'll just be in my office, keeping to myself, and making all my patients happy in return! So, if you want a doctor who won't take care of you, won't make you feel better, and won't even acknowledge your existence, vote for me and make me that guy!"
Position: Pastor
"Jesus F'ing Christ, I hate religion! I can't stand it! I literally hate everything about it! Seriously, must we eat crackers all the time? Must we look like we're falling asleep when talking to God? Must we read a book that's so boring? ...and don't even get me started on those songs! Anyway, election day is approaching us and I'd like nothing more than to be your pastor at the local church - whatever it's called! Vote for me! Don't worry, Jesus will forgive you!"
(LOL at the GOP: Volume 5 - You Can't Spell "Forgot To Take Their Crazy Pills" Without "Tea Party" can be viewed and purchased on paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop-volume-5-you-cant-spell-forgot-to-take-their-crazy-pills-without-tea-party/paperback/product-21599805.html, and can be viewed and purchased on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/LOL-GOP-Spell-Forgot-Without-ebook/dp/B00K27DBUW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402336939&sr=8-1&keywords=craig+rozniecki)
Comments
Post a Comment