An excerpt from my book, "The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Vol. 2" (Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Comes Out Against Coming Out)
Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Comes Out Against Coming Out (from pages 96-99 of the book The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue... #'s in parentheses indicate footnotes)
While I've never personally watched the show, I think I hear more people talk about the "reality" show Duck Dynasty than I hear them talk about anything else, including their own kids. Well, based on some remarks made by star of the show Phil Robertson to GQ magazine, it appears as if a few regular viewers may opt to start watching something else instead.
In the interview, Robertson made the following statements:
- [When] "everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong ... sin becomes fine." (90)
- "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there - bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." (91)
- "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers - they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right." (92)
- "It seems to me, a vagina - as a man - would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking, 'There's more there! She's got more to offer.' I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical." (93)
- "We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell. That's the Almighty's job. We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus - whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?" (94)
Then the gay rights organization GLAAD responded to Robertson's remarks with the following statement:
"Phil and his family claim to be Christian, but Phil's lies about an entire community fly in the face of what true Christians believe. He clearly knows nothing about gay people or the majority of Louisianans - and Americans - who support legal recognition for loving and committed gay and lesbian couples. Phil's decision to push vile and extreme stereotypes is a stain on A&E and his sponsors who now need to reexamine their ties to someone with such public disdain for LGBT people and families." (95)
Robertson then replied to GLAAD's criticism with this:
"I myself am a product of the '60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." (96)
These kinds of individuals make me simultaneously laugh and shake my head, because their logic and consistency are about as sound as a drunk's grasp of calculus.
Here's a very condensed version of what Mr. Robertson basically said:
"I don't judge on who goes to heaven or hell. That's God's job, but yeah, gays are going to hell - no disrespect. I love everyone. By the way, I did a lot of drugs in the '60s."
I also loved this line he gave GQ: "It seems to me, a vagina - as a man - would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking, 'There's more there! She's got more to offer.' I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical."
He's quite the smooth-talker. Does he not think anal sex exists among heterosexual couples? With his line of thinking, he probably thinks the planet of Uranus should be changed to Urvagina, because it would give him the impression that "there's more there."
Speaking of not being logical, based on these contradictory statements and his obvious need for education on the Bible, I picture Mr. Robertson engaging in the following conversation with an openly gay man at some point in the future:
Geraldo Sanchez: "So, I read your comments in GQ the other day. As a gay man, I happen to find it very disrespectful and unChristian of you to make such judgments about people like me."
Robertson: "Whoa, whoa... Hold it there, mister. I wasn't judging. I don't judge people on who's going to heaven or hell. That's God's job."
Geraldo: "But you said, that like adulterers and drunkards, homosexuals won't go to heaven."
Robertson: "That's right."
Geraldo: "So, where are they going to go?"
Robertson: "Hell"
Geraldo: "But you said you didn't judge whether people would go to heaven or hell - that it was God's job."
Robertson: "That's right. So, what's the question?"
Geraldo: "Do you judge homosexuals like me and whether we'll be going to heaven or hell?"
Robertson: "No, that's God's job. But..."
Geraldo: "But what?"
Robertson: "He says you're going to hell."
Geraldo: "When did he say that?"
Robertson: "In the Bible. Men and women are supposed to be together. That's just how it is."
Geraldo: "What about polygamy?"
Robertson: "Poly what? Is that some kind of a bird or something?"
Geraldo: "Do you think people whom had multiple husbands or wives at the same time would go to heaven or hell?"
Robertson: "Hey, I don't judge, but God says they're going to hell. That's what it says in the Bible."
Geraldo: "What about marriages in the Bible between a man and many women?"
Robertson: "I don't know what you're talking about, man. I don't judge. I just know what God's told me and he's told me your kind of people are going to burn in the fiery pit known as hell for all of eternity. No disrespect."
Geraldo: "No disrespect? What?!?"
Robertson: "Hey, I love you like I love everyone else. I just don't think we'll be ending up in the same place after we die."
Geraldo: "I thought you didn't judge on people's fates in the afterlife!"
Robertson: "I don't; that's God's job."
Geraldo: "Ugh!" ::angrily walks away::
Yeah, something tells me Mr. Robertson may have done twelve too many drugs in the '60s...
(90) I’m pretty sure murder is wrong, as well as rape, abuse of any kind, and listening to Nickelback in your car with your hat on backwards.
(91) Which women and which men? Who’s he pointing to? Friends? Family? Neighbors? Imaginary friends named after fictitious characters?
(92) Translation: “Anybody that isn’t perfect is going to hell, except for me.”
(93) A woman: “A dildo is more desirable than a man’s penis. There’s more there! It’s got more to offer!”
(94) Yes, love the sinner, hate the sin - just like love the abuser, hate the abuse. That makes perfect sense…
(95) But, Jesus told him during a flashback one time…
(96) Actually, we’re created by our parents, through a game called, “It’s in the hole!”
(The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue can be viewed and purchased on paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/the-kind-hearted-smartass-volume-2-the-wisecracks-continue-uncensored-version/paperback/product-21574154.html, and can be viewed and purchased on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/The-Kind-Hearted-Smartass-Wisecracks-Uncensored/dp/1312063025/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1402334790&sr=8-4&keywords=craig+rozniecki)
While I've never personally watched the show, I think I hear more people talk about the "reality" show Duck Dynasty than I hear them talk about anything else, including their own kids. Well, based on some remarks made by star of the show Phil Robertson to GQ magazine, it appears as if a few regular viewers may opt to start watching something else instead.
In the interview, Robertson made the following statements:
- [When] "everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong ... sin becomes fine." (90)
- "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there - bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." (91)
- "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers - they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right." (92)
- "It seems to me, a vagina - as a man - would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking, 'There's more there! She's got more to offer.' I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical." (93)
- "We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell. That's the Almighty's job. We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus - whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?" (94)
Then the gay rights organization GLAAD responded to Robertson's remarks with the following statement:
"Phil and his family claim to be Christian, but Phil's lies about an entire community fly in the face of what true Christians believe. He clearly knows nothing about gay people or the majority of Louisianans - and Americans - who support legal recognition for loving and committed gay and lesbian couples. Phil's decision to push vile and extreme stereotypes is a stain on A&E and his sponsors who now need to reexamine their ties to someone with such public disdain for LGBT people and families." (95)
Robertson then replied to GLAAD's criticism with this:
"I myself am a product of the '60s; I centered my life around sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll until I hit rock bottom and accepted Jesus as my savior. My mission today is to go forth and tell people about why I follow Christ and also what the Bible teaches, and part of that teaching is that women and men are meant to be together. However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other." (96)
These kinds of individuals make me simultaneously laugh and shake my head, because their logic and consistency are about as sound as a drunk's grasp of calculus.
Here's a very condensed version of what Mr. Robertson basically said:
"I don't judge on who goes to heaven or hell. That's God's job, but yeah, gays are going to hell - no disrespect. I love everyone. By the way, I did a lot of drugs in the '60s."
I also loved this line he gave GQ: "It seems to me, a vagina - as a man - would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking, 'There's more there! She's got more to offer.' I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical."
He's quite the smooth-talker. Does he not think anal sex exists among heterosexual couples? With his line of thinking, he probably thinks the planet of Uranus should be changed to Urvagina, because it would give him the impression that "there's more there."
Speaking of not being logical, based on these contradictory statements and his obvious need for education on the Bible, I picture Mr. Robertson engaging in the following conversation with an openly gay man at some point in the future:
Geraldo Sanchez: "So, I read your comments in GQ the other day. As a gay man, I happen to find it very disrespectful and unChristian of you to make such judgments about people like me."
Robertson: "Whoa, whoa... Hold it there, mister. I wasn't judging. I don't judge people on who's going to heaven or hell. That's God's job."
Geraldo: "But you said, that like adulterers and drunkards, homosexuals won't go to heaven."
Robertson: "That's right."
Geraldo: "So, where are they going to go?"
Robertson: "Hell"
Geraldo: "But you said you didn't judge whether people would go to heaven or hell - that it was God's job."
Robertson: "That's right. So, what's the question?"
Geraldo: "Do you judge homosexuals like me and whether we'll be going to heaven or hell?"
Robertson: "No, that's God's job. But..."
Geraldo: "But what?"
Robertson: "He says you're going to hell."
Geraldo: "When did he say that?"
Robertson: "In the Bible. Men and women are supposed to be together. That's just how it is."
Geraldo: "What about polygamy?"
Robertson: "Poly what? Is that some kind of a bird or something?"
Geraldo: "Do you think people whom had multiple husbands or wives at the same time would go to heaven or hell?"
Robertson: "Hey, I don't judge, but God says they're going to hell. That's what it says in the Bible."
Geraldo: "What about marriages in the Bible between a man and many women?"
Robertson: "I don't know what you're talking about, man. I don't judge. I just know what God's told me and he's told me your kind of people are going to burn in the fiery pit known as hell for all of eternity. No disrespect."
Geraldo: "No disrespect? What?!?"
Robertson: "Hey, I love you like I love everyone else. I just don't think we'll be ending up in the same place after we die."
Geraldo: "I thought you didn't judge on people's fates in the afterlife!"
Robertson: "I don't; that's God's job."
Geraldo: "Ugh!" ::angrily walks away::
Yeah, something tells me Mr. Robertson may have done twelve too many drugs in the '60s...
(90) I’m pretty sure murder is wrong, as well as rape, abuse of any kind, and listening to Nickelback in your car with your hat on backwards.
(91) Which women and which men? Who’s he pointing to? Friends? Family? Neighbors? Imaginary friends named after fictitious characters?
(92) Translation: “Anybody that isn’t perfect is going to hell, except for me.”
(93) A woman: “A dildo is more desirable than a man’s penis. There’s more there! It’s got more to offer!”
(94) Yes, love the sinner, hate the sin - just like love the abuser, hate the abuse. That makes perfect sense…
(95) But, Jesus told him during a flashback one time…
(96) Actually, we’re created by our parents, through a game called, “It’s in the hole!”
(The Kind-Hearted Smarta*s: Volume 2 - The Wisecracks Continue can be viewed and purchased on paperback at http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/the-kind-hearted-smartass-volume-2-the-wisecracks-continue-uncensored-version/paperback/product-21574154.html, and can be viewed and purchased on Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/The-Kind-Hearted-Smartass-Wisecracks-Uncensored/dp/1312063025/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1402334790&sr=8-4&keywords=craig+rozniecki)
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