Skip to main content

George W. Bush's private emails released, first graders asked to translate

Over six years after he left the Oval Office, former President George W. Bush's private emails have finally been released. Unfortunately, upon reading them, no one in the media outside of most at Fox News were able to understand them, so many other members of the media called on first graders to help them translate the messages.

Here are just a few of the former president's emails:

- "I wunder what Billy meant when he asked what 'is' was... What is 'is'? Is 'is' even a word? Heck if I know!"

- "Read good? Reading gooder is my middle name!"

- "The U.S. is the best continent in the world! Isn't that an airline? Continent Airlines?"

 "What's red, white, and blue? Give up? Yeah, me too."

- "Ful me once, ful me twice, ful me three times, ful me seven times, ful me, wait, where was I?"

- "Is 21 less then, greater then, or equal two 974? I don't know! I hate these kinds of stupid questions!"

- "If my misunderestimation is correct, these wars will be easy."

- "What do I do with these pretzels? Do I eat them, drink them, or break them up and sniff them like I did with other stuff back in the day?"

- "I luv when Laura reads My Pet Goate to me before I go to sleep."

- "Is my lego lunch break over already? Ugh!"

After reading these emails and others, Little Joey Armstrong of Skyline Elementary School in Elkhorn, Nebraska, said, "Who is this guy? He's probably one of those kindergarten kids, right?"

In response to this story, Fox News will soon be airing a two-hour program, entitled, President Bush: The Smartest President or The Most Smartest President?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun
2 comments
Read more

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i
Post a Comment
Read more

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"
Post a Comment
Read more