Billionaire Johann Jimmy John took to the streets this past weekend with a Bible in one hand and a sign which read, "Our freedoms are gone which is why I don't have the freedom to do this," in the other, to, as he put it in his discussion with us afterwards, "Be the toughest freedom fighter the world has ever known!"
When I asked Mr. Jimmy John what the ultimate message with his protest was for the country, here's what he said in response:
"As a white Christian straight male billionaire, I feel like my rights are going out the window one by one, day after day. Muslims can now worship here. Guys can marry guys. Women can work outside the home. Some blacks can vote. I mean, what in the world is going on here? What happened to the days when I knew where my place was and knew what to expect of everyone else? The days when women would have dinner ready by the time us guys got home from work and they'd spread their legs for a 20-second dessert afterwards, before telling us "Thank you, and no, I never fake it"? The days when the only Mohammad's or Abdul's we'd see would be driving cabs and listening to the oldies station? The days when I didn't have to worry about some guy coming up to me at a bar by the name of 'Spit or Swallow' and asking which I'd prefer? Back then, us white Christian straight male billionaires had it all. We had the money, the babes, and the freedoms. But with so many other people getting more rights, we're losing ours, and this has to stop! It's simple math when you really think about it. If I made $1 billion last year, which I did, and Omar Buzzkill made $30,000, but then he makes $40,000 this year and I still make $1 billion, I'm making less money this year than I did last year! That's not right and it's not fair!"
When I asked Mr. Jimmy John how long he had planned on keeping this protest going, the alleged freedom fighter said, "As long as it takes to establish absolute freedom for all of us...rich, white, straight, Christian guys. What is freedom for us if everyone else else has it?"
The meeting was then cut shorter than expected, as the "freedom fighter's" wife called and complained about him being late for their weekly random-spot-on-the-map-private-jet getaway.
As he walked off, I overheard Johann Jimmy John shout, "Us billionaires can never catch a break; I swear to God!"
When I asked Mr. Jimmy John what the ultimate message with his protest was for the country, here's what he said in response:
"As a white Christian straight male billionaire, I feel like my rights are going out the window one by one, day after day. Muslims can now worship here. Guys can marry guys. Women can work outside the home. Some blacks can vote. I mean, what in the world is going on here? What happened to the days when I knew where my place was and knew what to expect of everyone else? The days when women would have dinner ready by the time us guys got home from work and they'd spread their legs for a 20-second dessert afterwards, before telling us "Thank you, and no, I never fake it"? The days when the only Mohammad's or Abdul's we'd see would be driving cabs and listening to the oldies station? The days when I didn't have to worry about some guy coming up to me at a bar by the name of 'Spit or Swallow' and asking which I'd prefer? Back then, us white Christian straight male billionaires had it all. We had the money, the babes, and the freedoms. But with so many other people getting more rights, we're losing ours, and this has to stop! It's simple math when you really think about it. If I made $1 billion last year, which I did, and Omar Buzzkill made $30,000, but then he makes $40,000 this year and I still make $1 billion, I'm making less money this year than I did last year! That's not right and it's not fair!"
When I asked Mr. Jimmy John how long he had planned on keeping this protest going, the alleged freedom fighter said, "As long as it takes to establish absolute freedom for all of us...rich, white, straight, Christian guys. What is freedom for us if everyone else else has it?"
The meeting was then cut shorter than expected, as the "freedom fighter's" wife called and complained about him being late for their weekly random-spot-on-the-map-private-jet getaway.
As he walked off, I overheard Johann Jimmy John shout, "Us billionaires can never catch a break; I swear to God!"
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