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When to give unwanted advice to a complete stranger...

As long-time readers know, for whatever reason, strange occurrences seem to follow me wherever I go, especially when I venture to a bar. The same was true last night. Not 30 minutes after I sat down, I was asked by a semi-acquaintance, "Why do so many people think you're gay?"

To this, I calmly relayed all the theories I've heard from others regarding the matter: "Because you're always respectful toward women," "You've turned many women's propositions down," "You're 36, not married, and without any kids," "No guy so nice, funny, smart, and cute could be single and straight," "You're a liberal who likes poetry and foreign films," etc.

She then responded, "No offense, but if you were gay, I'd think you'd have better fashion sense. I even asked someone a while ago if they thought you'd be at all bothered if I took you jeans shopping."

I provided a perplexed look in return, curiously asking, "What's wrong with my jeans?"

She then fired back, "They're dad jeans. Wardrobe can do a lot for a person. If you're going to start dating again, you're going to need some night-jeans."

While I didn't get angry at this random bit of advice from someone I hardly knew, I also kept asking myself, "Why in the world did she feel the need to say that? Was it the alcohol talking? Was it insecurity? Projection? Do a lot of people feel the way she feels regarding the matter?" She may have only been trying to help, but I personally feel it's quite rude and inconsiderate to make such inquiries toward a person one doesn't know very well. If another asks for advice, it's perfectly acceptable to provide it, especially if you know the person fairly well. However, when advice isn't asked for, especially from a stranger, I'd like to believe it's common sense (for most) to not provide said advice. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Nobody is perfect. The most important thing is for a person to accept himself/herself, flaws and all, yet to possess full awareness of their upsides and downsides so they can continue to try and improve themselves. If another feels a need to point out their alleged shortcomings, chances are they need to look at themselves in the mirror and see what it is about themselves they can't seem to accept, which prompts them to pass judgment on others. Everyone's different, and that's a good thing. We should spend more time embracing one another's differences and learning from them as opposed to seeing these differences as wrong or inferior. An open mind, open heart, open ears, and a closed mouth can go a long way...

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