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What I learned in Week 10 of the NFL Season

In Week 10 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the Pittsburgh Steelers miss Le'Veon Bell about as much as Grand Theft Auto wants smart cars. 

- ...Mariota is Hawaiian for "Peace, love, and kicking the ever living crap out of Tom Brady."

- ...the Cleveland Browns defense has been able to accomplish what President Trump hasn't - building a wall along the goalline and making opposing offenses pay for it.

- ...Arizona Cardinals quarterback Josh Rosen gets hit so many times, there's now a picture of him in the dictionary next to the term piñata.

- ...the Atlanta Falcons are less consistent than Stevie Wonder at a shooting range.

- ...Los Angeles Rams defensive tackle Aaron Donald gets to the quarterback faster than a stoner nicknamed Chubs McSugartits gets to the Twinkie aisle of a grocery store after chilling with Cheech and Chong at a Phish concert.

- ..., even if the Oakland Raiders lead in the first quarter, Vegas claims that there's still a 110% chance they'll wind up losing.

- ...Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford spends more time on his ass than Norm if Cheers were a 24-hour establishment.

- ...officials are throwing flags at a greater clip than Pinocchio would let "alternative facts" fly had he been mentored by Kellyanne Conway.

- ..., while Tony Romo regularly calls plays before they happen, former teammate Jason Witten has trouble explaining these same plays two hours after they took place. Romo: "Russell Wilson is going to act like he's running a naked bootleg to the strong side of the field, before stepping back and hitting the tailback on a wheel route." Witten: "Wilson moved in a direction. He then kind of stopped, but not completely. I mean, he's still alive and breathing, you know? Then the ball came out of his hand and a player on his team got it in his hands. Then... wait, I'm going to have to rewind this again. Is this VHS?"
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  1. SarcasmMyShieldNovember 14, 2018 at 11:50 PM

    Even if the math doesn't exactly add up, if those odds are about the Oakland Raiders, I can still see it. And poor Chubs McSugartits will never land his dream date with Little Debbie if you keep advertising his alleged infatuation with that flirty Hostess. Haha :)
    Another lovely post! :)
    SarcasmMyShield

    ReplyDelete

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