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What I learned in Week 10 of the NFL Season

In Week 10 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...the Pittsburgh Steelers miss Le'Veon Bell about as much as Grand Theft Auto wants smart cars. 

- ...Mariota is Hawaiian for "Peace, love, and kicking the ever living crap out of Tom Brady."

- ...the Cleveland Browns defense has been able to accomplish what President Trump hasn't - building a wall along the goalline and making opposing offenses pay for it.

- ...Arizona Cardinals quarterback Josh Rosen gets hit so many times, there's now a picture of him in the dictionary next to the term piñata.

- ...the Atlanta Falcons are less consistent than Stevie Wonder at a shooting range.

- ...Los Angeles Rams defensive tackle Aaron Donald gets to the quarterback faster than a stoner nicknamed Chubs McSugartits gets to the Twinkie aisle of a grocery store after chilling with Cheech and Chong at a Phish concert.

- ..., even if the Oakland Raiders lead in the first quarter, Vegas claims that there's still a 110% chance they'll wind up losing.

- ...Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford spends more time on his ass than Norm if Cheers were a 24-hour establishment.

- ...officials are throwing flags at a greater clip than Pinocchio would let "alternative facts" fly had he been mentored by Kellyanne Conway.

- ..., while Tony Romo regularly calls plays before they happen, former teammate Jason Witten has trouble explaining these same plays two hours after they took place. Romo: "Russell Wilson is going to act like he's running a naked bootleg to the strong side of the field, before stepping back and hitting the tailback on a wheel route." Witten: "Wilson moved in a direction. He then kind of stopped, but not completely. I mean, he's still alive and breathing, you know? Then the ball came out of his hand and a player on his team got it in his hands. Then... wait, I'm going to have to rewind this again. Is this VHS?"

Comments

  1. Even if the math doesn't exactly add up, if those odds are about the Oakland Raiders, I can still see it. And poor Chubs McSugartits will never land his dream date with Little Debbie if you keep advertising his alleged infatuation with that flirty Hostess. Haha :)
    Another lovely post! :)
    SarcasmMyShield

    ReplyDelete

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