Skip to main content

What I learned in Week 11 of the NFL season

In Week 11 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...there's as much defense when the Chiefs and Rams get together as there are billionaires named Jorge Bankruptsky playing the penny-slots.

- ..., upon suffering a Joe Theismann-like injury, Washington quarterback Alex Smith was thankful to be compared with the team's former QB on that front, as opposed to his announcing.

- ...Weird Al Yankovic is set to release a Philadelphia Eagles/Queen-inspired album, which will include songs: "Flat-Rotten Guys," "Crazy Little Thing Called Suck," and "We Were the Champions."

- ..., instead of coal, Santa will fill bad kids stockings' with recordings of the Oakland Raiders/Arizona Cardinals game.

- ..., on Thanksgiving, Le'Veon Bell will undoubtedly tell his friends and family over a drink, "I'm eternally grateful for giving up $14.544M this year; getting regularly shown up by my young, inexperienced replacement; and quite possibly ending my career with the team, if not the entire league. Best decision I ever made. Cheers."

- ...the Cincinnati Bengals coach, (Marvin) Lewis, is bound to start his own radio talk show. To call in, you must dial 1-800-MRVN-CRY.

- ..., after Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins threw a pick-six to seal the deal in his team's Sunday night game against Chicago, the Bears defense reportedly told him after the game, "We like that! We like that!"

- ..., due to the new offensively-favorable rules and the impact we've seen as a result of these changes, Vegas will be altering the over/under metric to over/holy-shit over.

- ...the Madden turkey leg will be eaten by Jason Witten during the course of a Thanksgiving Day game, where the former Cowboys' tight end will blurt out, "This is the best breast I've ever put in my mouth. I love burgers!"

- ..., with the team's quarterback Alex Smith suffering a season-ending injury, the Washington Redskins are rumored to be interested in signing one of the following individuals: Brent Coon, Uncle Kracker, Whitey Bulger, or Bernard Blackskin.

Labels

Labels:

Comments

  1. SarcasmMyShieldNovember 21, 2018 at 6:46 AM

    I heard the bonus track on that new Weird Al Yankovic album will be "We Will Depress You."

    Another entertaining post! Keep it up. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

Trump's Lie Tally at the CNN Debate

1) "We had the greatest economy in the history of our country. We had never done so well. Every – everybody was amazed by it. Other countries were copying us." 2) "But the thing we never got the credit for, and we should have, is getting us out of that COVID mess." 3) "The only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants and bounceback jobs; they’re bounced back from the COVID." 4) "Not going to drive them higher. It’s just going to cause countries that have been ripping us off for years, like China and many others, in all fairness to China – it’s going to just force them to pay us a lot of money, reduce our deficit tremendously, and give us a lot of power for other things." (tariffs) 5) "He also said he inherited 9 percent inflation." 6) "No, he inherited almost no inflation and it stayed that way for 14 months. And then it blew up under his leadership, because they spent money like a bunch of people that didn’t know what t...
Post a Comment
Read more