Podcast: "I Feel Snitty"
Episode 48: The Maskless Asshat
Premiere Date: 5/9/20
Length: 6:46 (1,014 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-maskless-asshat/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 48, entitled, “The Maskless Asshat.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
If you’ve seen Trump speak for even just a second since the inception of the Coronavirus pandemic, you would have noticed he wasn’t wearing a mask. Why, you ask? Well, in a recent report released by the Associated Press, we can now answer that question, twofold.
Reason #1: He didn’t want to give the public the wrong idea that he was more concerned with people’s health than he was the health of the economy. No, I’m not making that up.
Reason #2: For as jaw-dropping as reason #1 is, I still think this is my favorite of the two. Apparently, Trump thinks he’d look so ridiculous with a mask on that it’d hurt his reelection chances. Once again, I’m not making that up.
Okay, so I’m going to save the best for last. As far as reason #1 goes, hasn’t someone – just one person – informed Trump that without a healthy populace, it’s impossible to have a healthy economy? Newsflash: If everyone is dead, no one will be making much money. As someone I know says a time or sixty-five, “Dur dur dur dur dur…” Also, how big of an ass does this guy want to come across as? What he’s essentially saying is, “I don’t care who you are; what your age is; your level of blackness; what kind of penis things you have; green paper with numbers on them is far more important than you breathing. Vote Trump 2020.”
When it comes to reason #2, the first word which comes to mind is “wow”… The guy seriously thinks a mask would be the thing which would make him look ridiculous? Never mind the quick-orange-tan-before-prom complexion he’s got going on; nor the belly which sticks out more than a porn star named Raul after taking Viagra; nor the endangered species Don, Jr. glued on his head after one of his trips to Africa; nor eyes of which even make Rocky Raccoon jealous. In all honesty, the mask would do Trump and all viewers a world of good. The less we can see of this man-baby, the better.
Also, let’s think about what this guy is implying here. He’s suggesting that being a good role model for citizens is of no importance. He’s saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” as he tells people to take the proper precautions in slowing the spread of the virus, yet he himself won’t abide by the same guidelines set forth by the CDC. He’s telling the country that their health and well-being aren’t as important as him being reelected.
You know what really makes Donald Trump look ridiculous? Ignoring a fatal virus for multiple months. Starting a Coronavirus task force led by a guy who has less faith in science than Joseph Smith had in monogamy. Dwindling down that task force when the virus wasn’t even close to coming to an end. Constantly blaming others for his multitude of failures in properly responding to the virus. But yeah, his election will be all about a mask… Psst, Donald, that right there? That was sarcasm. You’re welcome.
For my From Snark to Finish segment this week, here’s my impression of Donald Trump giving a speech about why he won’t use a parachute while skydiving.
“Good afternoon, bitches and gentlemen:
As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, to prove Slutty Stormy Daniels wrong about the size of my mushroom, I mean, you know, I’ve decided to skydive. For the ninth time. For the first time.
My pilot will be this guy over here – Chuck Norris. Whether or not he flies planes, I could care less. He’s flown lots of things in his movies and always looks cool doing it, so that’s enough proof for me. As far as what I’m going to wear, it’s what I have on right now – this suit, the best suit, believe me!
But the big question has been about my parachute. Should I wear one? Shouldn’t I wear one? Does it really matter? Are parachutes just like balloon-kite hoaxes? Is it just part of that old boring board game, ‘Parachutes and Ladders’? So many questions, folks. So many questions. With so many questions, there are so few answers, because where there’s a question, there’s never an answer. That’s why I’ve always said, ‘Never say there’s a question.’ Anyway, I’ve decided I am not going to wear a parachute during the process of the skydiving thingy. I mean, look at me. Have you ever seen 450 lbs. of pure muscle like this before? Of course you haven’t. I could jump off my own tower, land on a bicycle seat, and I wouldn’t feel a thing, folks. Not a single thing. I mean, it’d be just as easy as say, like, a bicycle – you know, like riding one. I don’t need a parachute. Do you think Jesus ever used a parachute when he did this and landed on water on his bare sandals? No. What about Pilot Norris in that one movie of his? Or the other one? Or that other one? I don’t think so. Some people can make things look good. Like me here? I make this clip-on look good, bigly. Parachutes, though? No one can make those look good. Except for me. Except for me. The problem is my muscles would rip holes in that thing as soon as I put it on. So yeah, it just wouldn’t look right on me, and I might even lose an election because of it. That’s the last thing any of us would want, especially me – me losing an election. So here we go. Let’s skydive from an airplane, piloted by Chuck Norris, without a parachute. Enjoy the show, folks. Enjoy the show. Take one and done.”
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
Episode 48: The Maskless Asshat
Premiere Date: 5/9/20
Length: 6:46 (1,014 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-maskless-asshat/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 48, entitled, “The Maskless Asshat.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
If you’ve seen Trump speak for even just a second since the inception of the Coronavirus pandemic, you would have noticed he wasn’t wearing a mask. Why, you ask? Well, in a recent report released by the Associated Press, we can now answer that question, twofold.
Reason #1: He didn’t want to give the public the wrong idea that he was more concerned with people’s health than he was the health of the economy. No, I’m not making that up.
Reason #2: For as jaw-dropping as reason #1 is, I still think this is my favorite of the two. Apparently, Trump thinks he’d look so ridiculous with a mask on that it’d hurt his reelection chances. Once again, I’m not making that up.
Okay, so I’m going to save the best for last. As far as reason #1 goes, hasn’t someone – just one person – informed Trump that without a healthy populace, it’s impossible to have a healthy economy? Newsflash: If everyone is dead, no one will be making much money. As someone I know says a time or sixty-five, “Dur dur dur dur dur…” Also, how big of an ass does this guy want to come across as? What he’s essentially saying is, “I don’t care who you are; what your age is; your level of blackness; what kind of penis things you have; green paper with numbers on them is far more important than you breathing. Vote Trump 2020.”
When it comes to reason #2, the first word which comes to mind is “wow”… The guy seriously thinks a mask would be the thing which would make him look ridiculous? Never mind the quick-orange-tan-before-prom complexion he’s got going on; nor the belly which sticks out more than a porn star named Raul after taking Viagra; nor the endangered species Don, Jr. glued on his head after one of his trips to Africa; nor eyes of which even make Rocky Raccoon jealous. In all honesty, the mask would do Trump and all viewers a world of good. The less we can see of this man-baby, the better.
Also, let’s think about what this guy is implying here. He’s suggesting that being a good role model for citizens is of no importance. He’s saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” as he tells people to take the proper precautions in slowing the spread of the virus, yet he himself won’t abide by the same guidelines set forth by the CDC. He’s telling the country that their health and well-being aren’t as important as him being reelected.
You know what really makes Donald Trump look ridiculous? Ignoring a fatal virus for multiple months. Starting a Coronavirus task force led by a guy who has less faith in science than Joseph Smith had in monogamy. Dwindling down that task force when the virus wasn’t even close to coming to an end. Constantly blaming others for his multitude of failures in properly responding to the virus. But yeah, his election will be all about a mask… Psst, Donald, that right there? That was sarcasm. You’re welcome.
For my From Snark to Finish segment this week, here’s my impression of Donald Trump giving a speech about why he won’t use a parachute while skydiving.
“Good afternoon, bitches and gentlemen:
As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, to prove Slutty Stormy Daniels wrong about the size of my mushroom, I mean, you know, I’ve decided to skydive. For the ninth time. For the first time.
My pilot will be this guy over here – Chuck Norris. Whether or not he flies planes, I could care less. He’s flown lots of things in his movies and always looks cool doing it, so that’s enough proof for me. As far as what I’m going to wear, it’s what I have on right now – this suit, the best suit, believe me!
But the big question has been about my parachute. Should I wear one? Shouldn’t I wear one? Does it really matter? Are parachutes just like balloon-kite hoaxes? Is it just part of that old boring board game, ‘Parachutes and Ladders’? So many questions, folks. So many questions. With so many questions, there are so few answers, because where there’s a question, there’s never an answer. That’s why I’ve always said, ‘Never say there’s a question.’ Anyway, I’ve decided I am not going to wear a parachute during the process of the skydiving thingy. I mean, look at me. Have you ever seen 450 lbs. of pure muscle like this before? Of course you haven’t. I could jump off my own tower, land on a bicycle seat, and I wouldn’t feel a thing, folks. Not a single thing. I mean, it’d be just as easy as say, like, a bicycle – you know, like riding one. I don’t need a parachute. Do you think Jesus ever used a parachute when he did this and landed on water on his bare sandals? No. What about Pilot Norris in that one movie of his? Or the other one? Or that other one? I don’t think so. Some people can make things look good. Like me here? I make this clip-on look good, bigly. Parachutes, though? No one can make those look good. Except for me. Except for me. The problem is my muscles would rip holes in that thing as soon as I put it on. So yeah, it just wouldn’t look right on me, and I might even lose an election because of it. That’s the last thing any of us would want, especially me – me losing an election. So here we go. Let’s skydive from an airplane, piloted by Chuck Norris, without a parachute. Enjoy the show, folks. Enjoy the show. Take one and done.”
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
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