I've had some fun with Twitter trending-hashtags over the past month. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be found here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) 5/20/18
#DanPatrick (blaming abortion/video games for gun violence): "We live in a violent country where we've devalued life."
4/21/20
Dan Patrick: "There are more important things than living."
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/guns-part-nation-texas-official-shooting-victims-dad/story?id=55300369 …
3,044 Likes, 1,361 Retweets
2) 2018
Dems flip 41 seats to take control of the House.
GOP: "It wasn't that much really. It's like those Flonase commercials always say, '1 is greater than 41.'"
2020
Republicans win back a seat they've held for 26 of the past 27.5 years.
GOP: "#RedWave!"
Idiots.
#CA25
3,457 Likes, 784 Retweets
3) "Congratulations, graduation people. Let me start by saying I have a bigger brain than all of you. Combined. That means, when counting all of your brains, my brain is like more. They just don't make brains like this anymore, people."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
2,015 Likes, 283 Retweets
4) #MitchMcConnell: "We need to end this blue-state bailout."
You do realize red states like yours heavily rely upon blue states, right? So what you're essentially saying is no Kentucky bailout. I hope Kentuckians remember that on November 3rd.
1,538 Likes, 421 Retweets
5) "My beautiful wife, Melanie, wrote this part of the speech, and I completely agree. Wise words by the First Lady, folks. She wrote, 'We don't need no education. We don't need no thought control. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Leave them kids alone.'"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
1,487 Likes, 252 Retweets
6) Over 3 years into his "presidency," while over 80k Americans have died of #coronavirus, Trump and his supporters felt it was of the utmost importance to blame Obama on Twitter. This just further proves the GOP isn't pro-life, pro-family values, or pro-responsibility.
#TrumpGate
1,187 Likes, 451 Retweets
7) While the US makes up just 4.3% of the world's population, it currently has 31.6% of all #coronavirus cases.
#TrumpCoronavirusTestFailure
884 Likes, 558 Retweets
8) It really is quite something that Trump and his supporters are simultaneously claiming their dear leader is the greatest president in history and blaming Obama for everything that's transpiring. If things were as great as they claim, they wouldn't need a scapegoat.
#TrumpGate
1,032 Likes, 346 Retweets
9) Trump could have an argument if he inherited a recession like Obama did, but he didn't. The guy went from "Obama's unemployment numbers are fake" to "my unemployment numbers are real" overnight.
#TrumpGate
#TrumpsJealousOfObama
681 Likes, 245 Retweets
10) How did this woman think a video was going to garner her any sympathy? This is how she sounded to me:
"Like, OMG. I'm at this store and like the managers here won't let me endanger the lives of other people. That's like so unfair. Totally. I mean, fer sure."
#gelsons #DanaPoint https://twitter.com/kharyp/status/1262074477921198082 …
604 Likes, 146 Retweets
11) Peter Navarro: "California's going to become a red state."
The way you guys have been handling #coronavirus, every state has become red, just not in the manner you're thinking. More like this...
#COVID pic.twitter.com/EGg6qZwJuW
586 Likes, 154 Retweets
12) I'm all about allowing people to protest, but these #coronavirus protests are f*cking stupid. Do they realize what they're essentially doing? They're protesting lockdowns, wanting to go back to work, yet by protesting in public, they're elongating the lockdowns, & delaying work.
580 Likes, 139 Retweets
- Trump signs immigration ban
- Trumpers hack the WHO and Gates Foundation
- Trump gives the order to shoot down Iranian boats
It's not even 10:30 am EST. Wag the dog much? Jebus...
#coronavirus
470 Likes, 153 Retweets
13) Trump: "I think I've found the cure for the Chinese Virus! First, you have to place a Sharpie above each ear. Then as you stare directly at the sun, without any form of glasses, shout, 'Hydroxylwhatever,' & chug a bunch of Clorox!"
#coronavirus #Clorox #Snark
456 Likes, 102 Retweets
14) "Texas lt. governor on reopening state: 'There are more important things than living'"
Translation: "The only thing better than living is dying!"
...& the Motivational Speaker of the Year award goes to Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick! https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/493879-texas-lt-governor-on-reopening-state-there-are-more-important-things#.Xp8bBC_4PsE.twitter …
#coronavirus
324 Likes, 135 Retweets
15) "Birx: 'It bothers me' Trump comments on injecting disinfectant 'still in the news cycle'"
Really? More than the comments themselves? 🙄 https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/494700-birx-it-bothers-me-trump-comments-on-injecting-disinfectant-still-in …
#LysolTrump
332 Likes, 109 Retweets
16) Ask the question WWTD (What Would Trump Do)? After answering said question, do the direct opposite. Thank you and you're welcome.
#TipsForTheNextPresident
369 Likes, 61 Retweets
17) If you hear any Trumpers trying to make a "yuge" deal about #CA25 tonight, what they likely aren't telling you is this.
Over the past 27+ years, that seat has been held by:
Republicans: 26 years
Democrats: 10 months
Vacant: 6 months
314 Likes, 104 Retweets
18) GOP: "Wait, Obama and Biden knew stuff when they were President and Vice President? Well, that doesn't seem right. Trump doesn't know anything."
#COVID19 #coronavirus #Flynn #Russia
326 Likes, 90 Retweets
19) Trump's new favorite song: "A spoonful of Clorox helps the Corona go down. The Corona go down, the Corona go down. Just a spoonful of Clorox helps the Corona go down. In a most frightful way."
#coronavirus #Clorox #Snark
329 Likes, 82 Retweets
20) - #COVID19 has claimed the lives of over 75k Americans.
- The unemployment rate is at its highest level since the Great Depression.
- Trump is undermining any semblance of democracy and the rule of law.
What are Trumpers upset about? A Jimmy Kimmel joke/tweet.
#coronavirus
296 Likes, 102 Retweets
21) Because when someone has been a failure at everything in their 70+ years of life, I don't think to myself, "You know what? He should be elected president. The guy is due."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
317 Likes, 70 Retweets
22) Today
- Trump asks SCOTUS to shield Mueller grand jury info
- Trump-backer represents Tara Reade
- Trump drops felonies against former security advisor
- Trump vows to eliminate ACA in the midst of the #COVID pandemic
- Trump-backer had a woman lie about Dr. Fauci assaulting her
221 Likes, 131 Retweets
23) McConnell: "States hit the hardest due to the lack of preparation by Trump in this #coronavirus deal should declare bankruptcy."
I guess #MoscowMitch knows Trump's business model pretty well: Fail "bigly" and then declare bankruptcy.
251 Likes, 100 Retweets
24) #TrumpHasNoPlan. He hardly ever does. When he was asked to spell "plan," he said, "W-h-a-t-'-s i-n i-t f-o-r m-e?"
255 Likes, 88 Retweets
25) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who kicks a golf ball 100 times on the 18th and says, "Mark me down for 1."
289 Likes, 45 Retweets
26) He really is the biggest idiot and jacka$$ in the world. The guy just doesn't get it. Just prior to a worldwide shootout, he could tweet, "Stop it!," before hundreds of thousands are killed shortly thereafter, and he'd say, "Zero deaths when I sent that tweet. Zero."
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/mmpadellan/status/1252021987238690818 …
246 Likes, 83 Retweets
27) Trump: "If it weren't for me and my fine decision-making, we'd have tens of thousands of deaths."
We're at 40,000 deaths and counting. That is tens of thousands of deaths, genius...
#coronavirus
245 Likes, 80 Retweets
28) Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless it's with a porn star named after a weather pattern. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
244 Likes, 62 Retweets
29) Since #LysolTrump didn't have his briefing today, here are the stats:
- US makes up 4.3% of the world's population.
- US makes up 32.9% of #coronavirus cases.
- US makes up 26.7% of #COVID deaths.
- US ranks 41st in tests p/1M.
- Trump ranks 1st in idiocy.
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/
200 Likes, 99 Retweets
29) For as much as Trump thinks about Obama, I'm surprised he hasn't been issued a restraining order.
#TrumpGate #TrumpsJealousOfObama
225 Likes, 74 Retweets
31) Benghazi: 4 Americans die
GOP: "Obama is the worst president in history! Lock him up!"
#COVID: 85,000+ Americans die
GOP: "This just cements Trump's name as the greatest president ever. Noble Prize!"
#Coronavirus
221 Likes, 67 Retweets
32) Trump: "If you're ever feeling under the weather, I recommend Clorox noodle soup. It'll make you feel deader, I mean better in no time, believe me!"
#TrumpIsNotADoctor #CloroxDon #Snark
242 Likes, 45 Retweets
33) Because I like presidents who weren't impeached.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
236 Likes, 49 Retweets
34) 1/29
Trump: "I've made a #coronavirus task force."
Deaths: 0
2/26
Trump: "Pence will head the task force & Birx will do stuff too."
Deaths: 0
5/5
Trump: "I think it's time to wind down the task force."
Deaths: 72,022
Trump: "Our job here is done. Mission accomplished."
#Snark
210 Likes, 73 Retweets
35) Rep. Griffith (VA): "Isn't an irregular heartbeat better than no heartbeat? Isn't high cholesterol better than no cholesterol? Isn't being literally brain-dead better than being dead? Isn't speaking stupidly better than not speaking at all?"
#DrBright #coronavirus #Snark
224 Likes, 55 Retweets
36) This reminds me of a scene from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," where the father tells the groom-to-be that Windex cures all.
Here's a sneak peek at the film, "Our Big Fat Trump Presidency":
"Sir, look! Flying boats!"
Trump: "Just shoot them down with some Clorox."
#Clorox #Snark
221 Likes, 37 Retweets
37) It's funny (in an ironic sort of way). Republicans constantly complain about blue states' "socialism," "government handouts," and "Democratic spending," yet without them, red states would become dead states.
#coronavirus
194 Likes, 60 Retweets
38) For any moron who protests #coronavirus lockdowns, I'm just going to call it like it is - they're celebrating #PunchADoctorAndANurseInTheFaceDay, because that's essentially what they're doing. Idiots.
201 Likes, 48 Retweets
39) Trump: "Anyone who wants a test at any time can get a test. Anyone want a test right now? We'll give you a test. I'm being tested 6 times just right now. The only way to combat an invisible enemy is an invisible test. It's really that simple."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
194 Likes, 53 Retweets
40) Rep. Mullin (OK): "Have you ever had a headache? Back spasm? Papercut? Pulled a hamstring? Perhaps a groin muscle? Had a cavity? A nightmare? A daymare? An afternoonmare? How can you be trusted & ever get paid if you answered yes to any of these? I don't get it."
#DrBright #Snark
198 Likes, 43 Retweets
41) "I just have two words for you today: I have the biggest IQ in this room. See this? That's size 45 million font right there and the numbers on the paper are I and Q. I bet your IQ isn't that big. Two more words: the prostitution rests, your honer."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
200 Likes, 36 Retweets
42) Then
Trumpers: "Truth isn't truth."
Now
Trumpers: "Truth over facts."
Combined: "Truth isn't truth over facts."
WTF?!?
#TruthOverFacts
187 Likes, 46 Retweets
43) "So where's the Clorox kegger going to be tonight?"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
198 Likes, 34 Retweets
44) No snark needed. This is seriously me paraphrasing what The Donald just said.
Trump: "We had no choice. We had a choice. We've never experienced anything like this before. We experienced this in 1917."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus
174 Likes, 54 Retweets
45) For our next demonstration, Ron will attempt to put on a seatbelt. We'll give him 45 minutes. Starting now...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1251300355582935046
177 Likes, 48 Retweets
46) Dear Trumpers:
When you protest #coronavirus lockdowns, what you're really doing is protesting our medical professionals; people's health and well-being; and getting things back to "normal" as quickly as possible in this country.
#coronavirus
175 Likes, 48 Retweets
47) Wait, Obama was president for a 9th year? I really wish he had been, but this is news to me...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/RudyGiuliani/status/1254513987196248065 …
165 Likes, 49 Retweets
47) Wow, the #COVIDIOTS are really out in force today. Jebus...
#TrumpGate #TrumpsJealousOfObama
176 Likes, 38 Retweets
49) Dear #MoscowMitch:
Blue = Voted HRC in '16
Red = Voted DT in '16
- 12 of the top 13 most dependent states on the federal government are red.
- 10 of the top 13 states in population density are blue.
- 8 of the top 14 states in #coronavirus death rate are red.
153 Likes, 60 Retweets
50) Just think, if all of these right-wing conspiracy theories about Obama were true, he'd have to possess magical, almost God-like powers. Wait, are they thereby unintentionally implying that Obama is God? I believe so. Omniscient. Omnipotent. Obama.
#TrumpGate #TrumpsJealousOfObama
157 Likes, 53 Retweets
51) While the US makes up just 4.3% of the world's population, it is currently responsible for 24.9% of #coronavirus deaths.
#TrumpCoronavirusTestFailure
130 Likes, 78 Retweets
51) "Karl Rove accuses Obama of committing ‘political drive-by shooting’ of Trump in commencement speech"
Death count
Trump's incompetence: 90k+
Obama's "political drive-by shooting": 0
"A racist POS."
Who is Karl Rove?
"That is correct."
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/05/karl-rove-accuses-obama-of-committing-political-drive-by-shooting-of-trump-in-commencement-speech/ …
#COVID #coronavirus
159 Likes, 49 Retweets
53) Because the country has already burned down once. Why in the world would I want to rehire the arsonist who started the fire in the first place?
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
169 Likes, 35 Retweets
54) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who thinks about his daughter, as he's having sex with a porn star, while being married to his third wife, who just had a baby.
170 Likes, 31 Retweets
55) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who speaks about only himself during a eulogy.
171 Likes, 25 Retweets
56) For anyone who didn't see the need for statewide #coronavirus lockdowns, just look at the bar-reopening-photos. People are stupid.
164 Likes, 23 Retweets
57) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who, when playing a kid at tic-tac-toe, instead of writing an "x" or an "o" in a square, he draws a giant checkmark across the entire grid, and says, "I win, loser!"
158 Likes, 22 Retweets
7/18/15
Trump: "I like people who weren't captured."
4/21/20
GOP: "We like people who aren't alive."
#coronavirus #DanPatrick
134 Likes, 45 Retweets
58) #DrBright testimony
Democrats: "What did we do wrong?; What can we do to prevent this in the future?; What is your advice for reopening this country in a safe manner?"
Republicans: "Hydroxychloroquine, hydroxychloroquine, hydroxychloroquine - we've heard some say it works!"
128 Likes, 45 Retweets
59) GOP #Coronavirus Response
1) Trump ignores it for 2 months.
2) He plays it down; lies about it; & then deflects blame.
3) Most GOP governors don't take it seriously.
4) While already screwing most of the nation, McConnell tells states to declare bankruptcy.
#VoteBlueToSaveAmerica
123 Likes, 46 Retweets
60) So, let's see if I got this right. #Coronavirus was never a hoax, but Democrats and media outlets reporting facts about it were? Yeah, that can't logically work. You can't simultaneously think a pandemic is real and reports that it's real are false. That's logic 101 right there. https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254174221481246721 …
132 Likes, 32 Retweets
61) Trumper logic
- Trump claims to be taking #Hydroxychloroquine.
- Pelosi says it's not wise for morbidly obese individuals, like Trump, to be taking it.
- Trumpers then decide to call Stacey Abrams morbidly obese.
Psst, she hasn't announced she's taking hydroxychloroquine.
#COVID
133 Likes, 29 Retweets
61) He's right. Nobody has ever done such a job so poorly before.
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/1255225833180082177 …
138 Likes, 24 Retweets
63) BREAKING NEWS: "Due to Trump's Press Briefing Today, the Chicken Dance Shall Now Be Called the Donald Dance"
#ChickenDonald pic.twitter.com/Fg88yppBv3
127 Likes, 32 Retweets
64) "Gun-waving SUV driver crashed car into group paying tribute to Pennsylvania nurses and healthcare workers"
Trump's America, folks... https://www.rawstory.com/2020/05/gun-waving-suv-driver-crashed-car-into-group-paying-tribute-to-pennsylvania-nurses-and-healthcare-workers/ …
#coronavirus
89 Likes, 69 Retweets
65) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who places this picture on the ceiling in his bedroom. pic.twitter.com/b6lLKkIPsU
131 Likes, 26 Retweet
66) "Is it just me or does 'commencement' sound a lot like 'communism'? I don't like that. It's about time we change it to something more better, more smarter. From this day forward, these types of talky things will be known as covfefement speeches, bigly."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
136 Likes, 19 Retweets
67) Doctors were echoing her words all day. Lysol even came out and told the world not to follow your false idol's suggestion. So are you going to respond in the same manner to all of them, or is this just a Hillary thing?
#Coronavirus #Lysol #TrumpIsNotADoctor https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1253885824199987200 …
127 Likes, 26 Retweets
68) I'm now convinced that if a ghost and Dr. Drew had a baby, it'd be Mike Pence.
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus
137 Likes, 14 Retweets
69) Dear Mnuchin:
"Welcome to the Jungle," b*tch! Hey, "Don't Cry." There will be plenty of "November Rain" streaming down your face after the Cheeto-in-Chief loses. That's what happens when you turn a "Paradise City" into the place "Right Next Door to Hell."
#axlrose #coronavirus
124 Likes, 25 Retweets
70) Because when we receive warnings about a crisis in November, I don't want a president to say, "The best thing to do is twiddle our thumbs until March, and then, and only then, will we get serious, bigly."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
107 Likes, 38 Retweets
70) Trump's such an idiot. Yes, he's lying, which is placing people's lives at risk in the process. Yet, if he were telling the truth, #Hydroxychloroquine doesn't treat #COVID19. That'd be like me telling the world I'm taking Pepto-Bismol in case I one day contract AIDS.
117 Likes, 28 Retweets
72) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who shoots someone on 5th Avenue and says, "Hey, it wasn't my fault. His face got in the way."
124 Likes, 20 Retweets
72) I see #WomenForTrump trending. That'd be like saying #WormsForRobins.
124 Likes, 20 Retweets
72) "What is that?!? Up there...in the sky?!? It's a bird; it's a plane; it's a..."
Trump: "Boat! Shoot it down!"
#coronavirus #Iranian #Snark
129 Likes, 15 Retweets
75) Headline: "Trump's been taking hydroxychloroquine"
Conclusion: Donald Trump apparently has malaria.
#COVID19 #coronavirus
133 Likes, 10 Retweets
76) Today's GOP
Trump: "My #pressbriefing ratings during this #coronavirus thingy have just been terrific!"
Kemp: "COVID can be asymptomatic? Since when? Let's go back to work anyway!"
Patrick: "Life is overrated."
Barr: "We don't like governors who try to keep people alive."
#snark
104 Likes, 38 Retweets
77) Generally speaking, why should taxpayers from blue states consistently be bailing out poorly-run red states? Just asking...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254782650679615492 …
111 Likes, 28 Retweets
78) Actual quote: "Get busy living or get busy dying."
GOP's rendition of it: "Get busy dying so us rich, old, white folk can get busy living."
#coronavirus #DanPatrick
107 Likes, 29 Retweets
78) Doctors: "It's better to be safe than sorry."
Trump: "No, it's better to be not sorry than safe."
Doctors: "You mean sorry?"
Trump: "No! I'm never sorry!"
Doctors: "But then you're not making sense."
Trump: "You don't make sense!"
#coronavirus
106 Likes, 30 Retweets
78) Because I don't want to wake up at 3 in the morning; decide to see what's going on in the world of Twitter; and see the "president" tweeting about "smocking guns," "hamberders," and/or "covfefe."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
110 Likes, 26 Retweets
81) Let's compare the #coronavirus problem in the US & Mexico.
Mexico
182 cases/1M pop
17 deaths/1M pop
13,447 recovered (86%)
2,154 deaths (14%)
USA
3,609 cases/1M pop
208 deaths/1M pop
178,934 recovered (72%)
69,008 deaths (28%)
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1257304527843110914 …
82 Likes, 51 Retweets
81) The media just repeat what you say, so if you're saying that they're reporting fake news, you're essentially saying that you're spouting fake news. Just sayin'.
#coronavirus #PressBriefing https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254168730898173953 …
109 Likes, 24 Retweets
81) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who would put an ice cube in a freezer and then say, "You see, kids? I told you global warming was a Chinese hoax."
116 Likes, 17 Retweets
84) Unfortunately, every time Drumpf speaks, tweets, or so much as breathes, he poisons people.
#coronavirus #LysolTrump https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/1253697753479331840 …
113 Likes, 14 Retweets
85) If you get great marks from anybody, it'd be the Grim Reaper.
...and since you love numbers so much, here are a few:
H1N1
- 60.8M cases
- 274k hospitalizations
- 12,469 deaths
#COVID
- 1,350,853 cases
- 147,212 hospitalizations
- 80,125 deaths
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1259450328048709633 …
90 Likes, 35 Retweets
86) I'll probably receive some flak for this, but so be it.
I'm part of the #MeToo movement. As a child, I was victim to sexual abuse; a death threat if I told anyone; and my childhood ended at 8 years of age as a result. One reason I felt shame was because of my gender.
111 Likes, 13 Retweets
87) I noticed a couple of people who posted a similar "Shrek" GIF and it seemed too perfect to pass up. If this doesn't encapsulate the GOP right now (with a few exceptions), I don't know what does.
#coronavirus #danpatrick pic.twitter.com/DHuaF3Kj4V
89 Likes, 33 Retweets
88) Thou shalt not worship any false idol, unless his name rhymes with Ronnie Chump and looks like an obese Cheeto, where the food dye went wrong.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
99 Likes, 22 Retweets
88) Trump: "In addition to the super duper missiles I announced yesterday, I now declare the launch of our new boo-boo bombs. They're going to give so many people so many boo-boos, folks. I know boo-boos. I have the best boo-boos, believe me!"
#SuperDuperMissile #Snark
102 Likes, 19 Retweets
88) "Do you know the orange of the word 'education'? The orange of the word 'education' was some Jewish guy named Ed, who named his cat Ion. True story. True story, folks."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
110 Likes, 11 Retweets
91) In order to make such an asinine claim, you can't know the definition of the term "objectively," because you're objectively wrong regarding your subjective claim about being objective, which is in fact subjective. Got that? There will be a quiz at 7.
#Coronavirus #Crenshaw https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1251873435187281920 …
100 Likes, 20 Retweets
92) Borrowing from "Shrek," here's the new Trump campaign slogan: "Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make."
#coronavirus #ProLife #Snark
89 Likes, 28 Retweets
93) #DanPatrick: "There are more important things than living, like the economy."
Yes, because nothing says "strong economy" like dead people. Idiot.
#coronavirus
90 Likes, 25 Retweets
93) "Trump too busy with 'a lot of things' to prepare for novel coronavirus"
Sweet! I had this on my blame card! Bingo!!! https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-busy-with-things-to-replenish-medical-supplies-coronavirus-2020-5 …
#coronavirus
90 Likes, 25 Retweets
95) If #COVID were a fire, which has killed over 70,000 and is showing no signs of slowing...
Trump: "I think it's time we start to phase out the fire squad. Some people may burn, as I reopen things, but that's a risk I'm willing to take."
#coronavirus #Snark
85 Likes, 28 Retweets
96) Dear "President" Snowflake:
Not once have I told a joke in a sarcastic manner, not come forward about it being such for 24 hours, and then been too embarrassed to talk any more about it. Why? Because that's not how actual sarcasm works. Dotard...
#TrumpPressBriefing
91 Likes, 19 Retweets
97) Trump doesn't know what "deadpan" is. He thinks it's a pan from the kitchen which contracted #COVID.
What "president" makes a joke which could kill people, when the country is already panic-stricken? He's either incredibly sick, incredibly stupid, or both. My money's on both. https://twitter.com/GeraldoRivera/status/1254115884723036161 …
87 Likes, 21 Retweets
98) "White House to wind down coronavirus task force"
It says Birx and Fauci will still be around, but other members of the task force "may be less physically present." Well, they were never mentally present, so what's the difference?
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/white-house-wind-down-coronavirus-task-force-n1200686 …
#coronavirus
81 Likes, 22 Retweets
98) Lord of the Lies
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
92 Likes, 11 Retweets
100) Fact-check
Trump: "Vice President Pence's state, India, is just doing great with #coronavirus. Fantastic numbers."
Not so much...
Total tests/population: 1.030% (31st)
Positive tests/total tests: 17.904% (12th)
Deaths/positive tests: 5.314% (9th)
#PressBriefing #Snark
70 Likes, 30 Retweets
101) Thou shalt live your life as the antithesis of Jesus and use him as a guise in an attempt to shield others from seeing the real you.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
76 Likes, 23 Retweets
102) Trump: "We're reaching out to: blacks, African-Americans, minorities, darker-skinned people from Africa, the blacks, guys from Nambia, browns, between browns and blacks, those from sh*thole countries, my African-American over there, etc."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
80 Likes, 18 Retweets
103) Because when I watch "Caddyshack," and Ty Webb asks Danny Noonan, "Is this Russia? This isn't Russia. Is this Russia?," I want to be able to confidently answer, "F*ck no!"
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
76 Likes, 20 Retweets
104) Most parents: "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Mike Pence's parents: "If everyone else were wearing masks at a clinic during a worldwide pandemic, would you?"
#PenceIsAnIdiot #coronavirus
79 Likes, 13 Retweets
105) Rep. Brooks (IN): "Some people said we didn't have plans for this. We had plans. We had plans. Expecting it to disappear? That's a plan. A miracle happening? That's a plan. So don't tell me we don't have any plans!"
#DrBright #Coronavirus #Snark
70 Likes, 21 Retweets
106) Because I don't want to feel a certain level of guilt when having to tell my son, "Yes, that is who the country elected as president, and I voted for his fraudulent, abusive, narcissistic, sexist, racist, xenophobic, traitorous, pathological lying ass."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
68 Likes, 19 Retweets
107) "Trump says he takes unproven hydroxychloroquine to prevent coronavirus infection"
Oh, great. Does he drink Lysol and stare at the sun without any form of eye protection too? Such a stable genius...
https://www.cnbc.com/2020/05/18/trump-says-he-takes-hydroxychloroquine-to-prevent-coronavirus-infection.html …
#COVID #coronavirus
69 Likes, 17 Retweets
107) Honor thy father and mother by continually mooching millions of dollars off them and telling the world, "I built that!" #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
75 Likes, 11 Retweets
109) Fifty Shades of Cray
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
76 Likes, 8 Retweets
110) Actually, the US ranks 42nd in tests p/1M, so technically, "God" provided greater testing skills to the leaders of the following countries:
Faeroe Islands
Iceland
Falkland Islands
UAE
Gibraltar
Luxembourg
Malta
Bahrain
San Marino
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/
#Coronavirus https://twitter.com/mattgaetz/status/1251290442777399299 …
57 Likes, 24 Retweets
110) Early Saturday GOP notes
- Kneeling is worse than arming
- Saving lives is tyrannical
- Endangering folks is patriotic
- Confession on a podcast is of greater value than confession under oath
- Chuck Woolery can't spell "speech"
#coronavirus
62 Likes, 19 Retweets
110) "I'm gonna call this Operation Warped Speech. After getting these super duper degrees, you all need to reach for the Space Forces, believe me."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
65 Likes, 16 Retweets
113) 45 Shades of Cray
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
68 Likes, 12 Retweets
114) The Audacity of a Dope
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
68 Likes, 10 Retweets
115) The Trumps should really think about going into stand-up after they're released from jail. It'll be called "The Brain-Dead Comedy Tour."
Donald: "I hope you're all drinking disinfectants."
Eric: "You know #COVID? Killer of 90k+? Hoax."
Jr.: "So many pedophiles here tonight..."
64 Likes, 12 Retweets
116) GOP: "Isn't it true that you're fully to blame for the #coronavirus which has killed over 85,000 Americans? Aren't you thereby a murderer? Shouldn't you go to the chair? Oh, time is up. Thank you for your service. Much respect to you."
#DrBright #Snark
58 Likes, 14 Retweets
116) In a way, you're right, but you're leaving out one thing - you're the #1 propagator of fake news.
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254769296280031232 …
60 Likes, 12 Retweets
118) "Coronavirus: Trump’s disinfectant and sunlight claims fact-checked"
Conclusion? #TrumpIsNotADoctor
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-52399464 …
52 Likes, 19 Retweets
119) Well, I think we now know why each and every product has a WARNING label on it, seeming to state the obvious, as we think to ourselves, "Who could ever be so stupid?" It's because Donald Trump recommended you use it in a way which wasn't intended.
#coronavirus #DonaldTrump #Lysol
56 Likes, 12 Retweets
120) If Trump were at war...
"I hear that paper airplanes can shoot off great, bigly missiles!"
After receiving backlash...
"I was obviously being sarcastic."
Not long after...
Trump goes AWOL.
#ChickenDonald #TrumpIsALaughingStock
#Snark
54 Likes, 13 Retweets
121) If Trump played the role of Forrest Gump...
Trump: "I love you, Jenny."
Jenny: "You don't know what love is."
Trump: "I may not be a smart man, but..."
Jenny: "But what?"
Trump: "Nothing. That was it."
#coronavirus #snark
55 Likes, 11 Retweets
122) Trump's talking about "liberating" Michigan, Minnesota, and Virginia. Really? Here's a #coronavirus breakdown of those states.
Total tests/population
25. MI: 0.985%
37. MN: 0.755%
50. VA: 0.568%
46 Likes, 18 Retweets
122) "I'm gonna teach you something about chron, chronol, okay, time. Didn't I tell you I have the best words? So Obama may have been president before me, but all of your successes up to now are because of me & all your future failures are because of Obama."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
52 Likes, 12 Retweets
122) Trump: "We're doing all sorts of tests. I'm just going to read them all to you. Lots of letters, big, bigly letters: the ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, CBS, NBC, CNN, ZZZ, and of course, OPP."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
54 Likes, 10 Retweets
125) "So, Craig, what show are you watching to help cheer you up during the awfulness that is 2020? What show makes you feel like there's a better world out there somewhere? 'Seinfeld,' 'Cheers,' 'Friends'?"
"Ozark"
#coronavirus
54 Likes, 7 Retweets
126) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she's a 10, or the guy is polygamous and married to two 5s. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
45 Likes, 14 Retweets
126) "According to Trump Advisor Stephen Moore, Stay-at-Home Order Protesters Are the 'Modern-Day Rosa Parks'"
Yeah, sure, if Rosa Parks had pneumonia and took turns coughing in everyone's face, before sitting back down in the bus. Heroes!
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/according-trump-advisor-stephen-moore-155800372.html …
#coronavirus pic.twitter.com/FXfpubDEi5
47 Likes, 12 Retweets
128) Because I want to watch "Idiocracy" and not think it's the 6 o'clock news.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
51 Likes, 7 Retweets
129) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who has someone wipe his ass before he uses the restroom.
45 Likes, 12 Retweets
129) "Some fancy-ass moral suck-ups will get up here & say they're gonna pay off your student debt. I'm gonna do things a bit differently. One of my porn-star mistresses will be coming around w/a tray. Give whatever you can to help me pay off my Putin debt."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
48 Likes, 9 Retweets
131) "This is going to be the best one of these speech thingies you've ever heard. I did a eulogy one time and I just killed it. Seriously. I stepped on a bunch of ants. Dead. So where was I? Oh, yeah, so this is gonna be the best eulogy ever, believe me!"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
49 Likes, 6 Retweets
132) GA, SC, TN, & TX plan on easing #coronavirus restrictions this week. Here are their combined COVID numbers:
Population: 52,316,025
Total tests: 442,998
Positive tests: 51,910
Deaths: 1,638
40 Likes, 13 Retweets
133) It's the end of the world as we know it and I'm stuck at home.
#SongsThatDescribe2020
42 Likes, 10 Retweets
133) Because I think kids should read; learn; go to school; play outside; catch lightning bugs; just be kids. I don't think they should run the country.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
135) "I remember when I was like one of you, only better. I got the best grades - numbers you've never even seen before. I remember a professor person telling me one time, 'I've never seen so many zeroes before and I study the computer bisexual code thingy.'"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
46 Likes, 5 Retweets
135) "Thank me. Thank me so much. Wow, what a crowd. This is just tremendous. Did you know there was going to be such a yuge crowd today? You see? This is why I'm gonna beat Sleepy Joe Biden. I mean, look at this. The young people love me. Just tremendous."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
47 Likes, 4 Retweets
137) Make a deal? What, like "If you give me a cure for the #coronavirus, I'll let you get back to work"? So, like a quid pro quo? https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1256202305680158720 …
42 Likes, 8 Retweets
138) Wow, these comments are something else! So, wait, trying to save lives in all communities, including Jewish ones, is akin to what Adolf Hitler did? Okay then...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/NYCMayor/status/1255309615883063297 …
45 Likes, 3 Retweets
139) Not until today did I ever think to myself, "Soooo, that Mel Brooks movie, 'Spaceballs'? Yeah, that could happen."
Regardless, Trump's schwartz will never be as big as anyone else's. This includes mini-mushrooms.
#SpaceForce #OperationWarpSpeed #SuperDuperMissiles pic.twitter.com/l5mlcbZJVk
37 Likes, 10 Retweets
140) Thou shalt always trust chain emails sent by an Uncle John, titled, "Donald Trump Is the Second Coming of Jesus," over science every time, all of the time.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
38 Likes, 8 Retweets
141) Thou shalt not lie, unless the lie is uttered three times in rapid succession. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
34 Likes, 11 Retweets
141) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who, when playing rock-paper-scissors, is convinced his scissors can cut through your rock.
38 Likes, 7 Retweets
141) Really? What, are we all at the frickin' dentist's or something?
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1253683467801563138 …
40 Likes, 5 Retweets
144) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who has someone read to him just the last page of a book, and then tweets the ending without a spoiler alert.
35 Likes, 9 Retweets
145) ...and this is why they can't have nice things.
https://www.newsweek.com/kentucky-reports-highest-coronavirus-infection-increase-after-week-protests-reopen-state-1498835 …
#coronavirus
26 Likes, 16 Retweets
145) "I'm gonna do the ABCs, only better than you're used to. A is for Aledictorian. B is for the buzz I got from Adderall. C is for something that starts with 'c.' M is for me. G is for Gesus. Q is for cue sticks. Z is for sleep. N is for end. The end."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
33 Likes, 9 Retweets
147) I wrote and recorded a new parody, entitled, "Lysol" (to the tune of "Wonderwall").
Today is gonna be a day
I speak gobbledygook to you
By now you should've realized
This is what I f*ckin' do
I don't believe that anybody
Knows what I'm about to do right now
#LysolTrump
39 Likes, 2 Retweets
148) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who does nothing but lie at confession.
37 Likes, 3 Retweets
149) Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless it's about Vladimir Putin tackling a bear with just his right index finger. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
30 Likes, 9 Retweets
150) "Trump says remarks about heat, light, disinfectant were sarcastic"
Now that's funny! Idiot... https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/494519-trump-says-remarks-about-heat-light-disinfectant-were-sarcastic …
#coronavirus #lysol pic.twitter.com/GqIj5ZKVzg
31 Likes, 7 Retweets
151) Thou shalt not steal, unless it's the dignity of the highest office in the land. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
23 Likes, 13 Retweets
152) Yeah, this happened...
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2020/04/24/business/lysol-disinfectant-trump-coronavirus/index.html …
#coronavirus #lysol
25 Likes, 10 Retweets
153) Apparently in Russia, on their slippery-when-wet signs, instead of displaying a liquid next to the message, they showcase a picture of a window.
#coronavirus
32 Likes, 2 Retweets
154) If Trump ever listens to Oasis, I bet you he starts singing, "I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my Lysol."
#Lysol #Trump #Corona
32 Likes, 1 Retweet
155) Trump: "I'm gonna have Mike Pence head a #coronavirus task force. Oh, and PPE? We've got plenty of it, for everybody, no problem."
#PenceIsAnIdiot pic.twitter.com/RAiPraqxIe
25 Likes, 6 Retweets
155) Romeo Pays Hush-Money to Juliet
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
27 Likes, 4 Retweets
157) Trump: "I said I should have all the power. I then said governors should decide what to do. I said we should reopen on Easter. Georgia Governor Kemp said we should open a couple weeks later, and for the record, I think that's too soon."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
22 Likes, 8 Retweets
157) Millions From My Father
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
159) Thou shalt not order a large fry without at least one hamberder.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
27 Likes, 2 Retweets
159) A Dumbf*ck Orange
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
27 Likes, 2 Retweets
159) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who gives a back-scratcher a high-five every morning, in order to make him feel as though his hands are "yuge." pic.twitter.com/09WTDicY7P
28 Likes, 1 Retweet
162) I see #TropicThunder trending because some people are offended by it. This makes me really want to watch "Tropic Thunder" right now. pic.twitter.com/2ndbrL8Pg9
26 Likes, 1 Retweet
163) Thou shalt put self over country, even though by doing that, you hurt yourself and those you love.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
20 Likes, 5 Retweets
163) Given his showing at the Mayo Clinic, I envision Mike Pence showing up in this kind of outfit when he went to swim lessons as a kid.
#PenceIsAnIdiot pic.twitter.com/8zVt4VBysx
23 Likes, 2 Retweets
165) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who has vowed to forever boycott the film "Casablanca," because he fervently believes it was created by, stars, and is about Mexican "rapists and drug-dealers" illegally crossing our southern border.
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
166) The First Family is first in so many things, including knowledge about science, as this picture should clearly illustrate.
Trump: "We've got things totally under control."
Obviously...
#Coronavirus #COVIDIOT pic.twitter.com/Wycr60rGAm
20 Likes, 0 Retweets
167) Pride in Prejudice
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
168) 538's polling of Trump
March 12
Approve: 42.3%
Disapprove: 53.2%
Net: -10.9%
March 29
Approve: 45.8%
Disapprove: 49.8%
Net: -4.0%
April 21
Approve: 43.8%
Disapprove: 52.4%
Net: -8.6%
https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/trump-approval-ratings/ …
#coronavirus #thebumphasmagicallydisappeared
9 Likes, 6 Retweets
168) The Art of the Misdeal
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
12 Likes, 3 Retweets
168) #TrumpsTheKingOf plastic spades, corrupt clubs, tiny hearts, and fake diamonds.
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
171) To Mock a Journalist
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
12 Likes, 2 Retweets
171) If I Said It: It Wasn't Me. Those Were Fake Words. Word-Hunt. Bigly.
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
14 Likes, 0 Retweets
171) Holy Sh*t: The Bible Featuring Two Corinthians
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
14 Likes, 0 Retweets
174) Thou shalt claim "Home Alone 2" was Oscar-worthy. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
174) Hmm... According to MSNBC, the $484B relief package is just $484. Then again, with the #MoscowMitch-led Senate and #LysolPresident, I suppose I shouldn't automatically rule that out as a possibility.
#Coronavirus pic.twitter.com/TfD68uGIRY
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
176) The Art of the Steal
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
9 Likes, 2 Retweets
176) Mine Kampf
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
178) "Pence defends not wearing face mask during Mayo Clinic visit"
Mike Dunce said he didn't wear a mask because he wanted to be able to look the medical professionals in the eyes. What, did he think the mask looked like this? https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/495107-pence-defends-not-wearing-face-mask-during-mayo-clinic-visit#.XqiXeLYmL_0.twitter …
#Coronavirus pic.twitter.com/UpkQVJ4dQZ
9 Likes, 0 Retweets
179) Of Lies and Spin
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
Totals: 35,799 Likes, 9,912 Retweets (Averages of 200.0 Likes, 55.4 Retweets)
1) 5/20/18
#DanPatrick (blaming abortion/video games for gun violence): "We live in a violent country where we've devalued life."
4/21/20
Dan Patrick: "There are more important things than living."
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/guns-part-nation-texas-official-shooting-victims-dad/story?id=55300369 …
3,044 Likes, 1,361 Retweets
2) 2018
Dems flip 41 seats to take control of the House.
GOP: "It wasn't that much really. It's like those Flonase commercials always say, '1 is greater than 41.'"
2020
Republicans win back a seat they've held for 26 of the past 27.5 years.
GOP: "#RedWave!"
Idiots.
#CA25
3,457 Likes, 784 Retweets
3) "Congratulations, graduation people. Let me start by saying I have a bigger brain than all of you. Combined. That means, when counting all of your brains, my brain is like more. They just don't make brains like this anymore, people."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
2,015 Likes, 283 Retweets
4) #MitchMcConnell: "We need to end this blue-state bailout."
You do realize red states like yours heavily rely upon blue states, right? So what you're essentially saying is no Kentucky bailout. I hope Kentuckians remember that on November 3rd.
1,538 Likes, 421 Retweets
5) "My beautiful wife, Melanie, wrote this part of the speech, and I completely agree. Wise words by the First Lady, folks. She wrote, 'We don't need no education. We don't need no thought control. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Leave them kids alone.'"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
1,487 Likes, 252 Retweets
6) Over 3 years into his "presidency," while over 80k Americans have died of #coronavirus, Trump and his supporters felt it was of the utmost importance to blame Obama on Twitter. This just further proves the GOP isn't pro-life, pro-family values, or pro-responsibility.
#TrumpGate
1,187 Likes, 451 Retweets
7) While the US makes up just 4.3% of the world's population, it currently has 31.6% of all #coronavirus cases.
#TrumpCoronavirusTestFailure
884 Likes, 558 Retweets
8) It really is quite something that Trump and his supporters are simultaneously claiming their dear leader is the greatest president in history and blaming Obama for everything that's transpiring. If things were as great as they claim, they wouldn't need a scapegoat.
#TrumpGate
1,032 Likes, 346 Retweets
9) Trump could have an argument if he inherited a recession like Obama did, but he didn't. The guy went from "Obama's unemployment numbers are fake" to "my unemployment numbers are real" overnight.
#TrumpGate
#TrumpsJealousOfObama
681 Likes, 245 Retweets
10) How did this woman think a video was going to garner her any sympathy? This is how she sounded to me:
"Like, OMG. I'm at this store and like the managers here won't let me endanger the lives of other people. That's like so unfair. Totally. I mean, fer sure."
#gelsons #DanaPoint https://twitter.com/kharyp/status/1262074477921198082 …
604 Likes, 146 Retweets
11) Peter Navarro: "California's going to become a red state."
The way you guys have been handling #coronavirus, every state has become red, just not in the manner you're thinking. More like this...
#COVID pic.twitter.com/EGg6qZwJuW
586 Likes, 154 Retweets
12) I'm all about allowing people to protest, but these #coronavirus protests are f*cking stupid. Do they realize what they're essentially doing? They're protesting lockdowns, wanting to go back to work, yet by protesting in public, they're elongating the lockdowns, & delaying work.
580 Likes, 139 Retweets
- Trump signs immigration ban
- Trumpers hack the WHO and Gates Foundation
- Trump gives the order to shoot down Iranian boats
It's not even 10:30 am EST. Wag the dog much? Jebus...
#coronavirus
470 Likes, 153 Retweets
13) Trump: "I think I've found the cure for the Chinese Virus! First, you have to place a Sharpie above each ear. Then as you stare directly at the sun, without any form of glasses, shout, 'Hydroxylwhatever,' & chug a bunch of Clorox!"
#coronavirus #Clorox #Snark
456 Likes, 102 Retweets
14) "Texas lt. governor on reopening state: 'There are more important things than living'"
Translation: "The only thing better than living is dying!"
...& the Motivational Speaker of the Year award goes to Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick! https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/493879-texas-lt-governor-on-reopening-state-there-are-more-important-things#.Xp8bBC_4PsE.twitter …
#coronavirus
324 Likes, 135 Retweets
15) "Birx: 'It bothers me' Trump comments on injecting disinfectant 'still in the news cycle'"
Really? More than the comments themselves? 🙄 https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/494700-birx-it-bothers-me-trump-comments-on-injecting-disinfectant-still-in …
#LysolTrump
332 Likes, 109 Retweets
16) Ask the question WWTD (What Would Trump Do)? After answering said question, do the direct opposite. Thank you and you're welcome.
#TipsForTheNextPresident
369 Likes, 61 Retweets
17) If you hear any Trumpers trying to make a "yuge" deal about #CA25 tonight, what they likely aren't telling you is this.
Over the past 27+ years, that seat has been held by:
Republicans: 26 years
Democrats: 10 months
Vacant: 6 months
314 Likes, 104 Retweets
18) GOP: "Wait, Obama and Biden knew stuff when they were President and Vice President? Well, that doesn't seem right. Trump doesn't know anything."
#COVID19 #coronavirus #Flynn #Russia
326 Likes, 90 Retweets
19) Trump's new favorite song: "A spoonful of Clorox helps the Corona go down. The Corona go down, the Corona go down. Just a spoonful of Clorox helps the Corona go down. In a most frightful way."
#coronavirus #Clorox #Snark
329 Likes, 82 Retweets
20) - #COVID19 has claimed the lives of over 75k Americans.
- The unemployment rate is at its highest level since the Great Depression.
- Trump is undermining any semblance of democracy and the rule of law.
What are Trumpers upset about? A Jimmy Kimmel joke/tweet.
#coronavirus
296 Likes, 102 Retweets
21) Because when someone has been a failure at everything in their 70+ years of life, I don't think to myself, "You know what? He should be elected president. The guy is due."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
317 Likes, 70 Retweets
22) Today
- Trump asks SCOTUS to shield Mueller grand jury info
- Trump-backer represents Tara Reade
- Trump drops felonies against former security advisor
- Trump vows to eliminate ACA in the midst of the #COVID pandemic
- Trump-backer had a woman lie about Dr. Fauci assaulting her
221 Likes, 131 Retweets
23) McConnell: "States hit the hardest due to the lack of preparation by Trump in this #coronavirus deal should declare bankruptcy."
I guess #MoscowMitch knows Trump's business model pretty well: Fail "bigly" and then declare bankruptcy.
251 Likes, 100 Retweets
24) #TrumpHasNoPlan. He hardly ever does. When he was asked to spell "plan," he said, "W-h-a-t-'-s i-n i-t f-o-r m-e?"
255 Likes, 88 Retweets
25) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who kicks a golf ball 100 times on the 18th and says, "Mark me down for 1."
289 Likes, 45 Retweets
26) He really is the biggest idiot and jacka$$ in the world. The guy just doesn't get it. Just prior to a worldwide shootout, he could tweet, "Stop it!," before hundreds of thousands are killed shortly thereafter, and he'd say, "Zero deaths when I sent that tweet. Zero."
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/mmpadellan/status/1252021987238690818 …
246 Likes, 83 Retweets
27) Trump: "If it weren't for me and my fine decision-making, we'd have tens of thousands of deaths."
We're at 40,000 deaths and counting. That is tens of thousands of deaths, genius...
#coronavirus
245 Likes, 80 Retweets
28) Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless it's with a porn star named after a weather pattern. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
244 Likes, 62 Retweets
29) Since #LysolTrump didn't have his briefing today, here are the stats:
- US makes up 4.3% of the world's population.
- US makes up 32.9% of #coronavirus cases.
- US makes up 26.7% of #COVID deaths.
- US ranks 41st in tests p/1M.
- Trump ranks 1st in idiocy.
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/
200 Likes, 99 Retweets
29) For as much as Trump thinks about Obama, I'm surprised he hasn't been issued a restraining order.
#TrumpGate #TrumpsJealousOfObama
225 Likes, 74 Retweets
31) Benghazi: 4 Americans die
GOP: "Obama is the worst president in history! Lock him up!"
#COVID: 85,000+ Americans die
GOP: "This just cements Trump's name as the greatest president ever. Noble Prize!"
#Coronavirus
221 Likes, 67 Retweets
32) Trump: "If you're ever feeling under the weather, I recommend Clorox noodle soup. It'll make you feel deader, I mean better in no time, believe me!"
#TrumpIsNotADoctor #CloroxDon #Snark
242 Likes, 45 Retweets
33) Because I like presidents who weren't impeached.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
236 Likes, 49 Retweets
34) 1/29
Trump: "I've made a #coronavirus task force."
Deaths: 0
2/26
Trump: "Pence will head the task force & Birx will do stuff too."
Deaths: 0
5/5
Trump: "I think it's time to wind down the task force."
Deaths: 72,022
Trump: "Our job here is done. Mission accomplished."
#Snark
210 Likes, 73 Retweets
35) Rep. Griffith (VA): "Isn't an irregular heartbeat better than no heartbeat? Isn't high cholesterol better than no cholesterol? Isn't being literally brain-dead better than being dead? Isn't speaking stupidly better than not speaking at all?"
#DrBright #coronavirus #Snark
224 Likes, 55 Retweets
36) This reminds me of a scene from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," where the father tells the groom-to-be that Windex cures all.
Here's a sneak peek at the film, "Our Big Fat Trump Presidency":
"Sir, look! Flying boats!"
Trump: "Just shoot them down with some Clorox."
#Clorox #Snark
221 Likes, 37 Retweets
37) It's funny (in an ironic sort of way). Republicans constantly complain about blue states' "socialism," "government handouts," and "Democratic spending," yet without them, red states would become dead states.
#coronavirus
194 Likes, 60 Retweets
38) For any moron who protests #coronavirus lockdowns, I'm just going to call it like it is - they're celebrating #PunchADoctorAndANurseInTheFaceDay, because that's essentially what they're doing. Idiots.
201 Likes, 48 Retweets
39) Trump: "Anyone who wants a test at any time can get a test. Anyone want a test right now? We'll give you a test. I'm being tested 6 times just right now. The only way to combat an invisible enemy is an invisible test. It's really that simple."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
194 Likes, 53 Retweets
40) Rep. Mullin (OK): "Have you ever had a headache? Back spasm? Papercut? Pulled a hamstring? Perhaps a groin muscle? Had a cavity? A nightmare? A daymare? An afternoonmare? How can you be trusted & ever get paid if you answered yes to any of these? I don't get it."
#DrBright #Snark
198 Likes, 43 Retweets
41) "I just have two words for you today: I have the biggest IQ in this room. See this? That's size 45 million font right there and the numbers on the paper are I and Q. I bet your IQ isn't that big. Two more words: the prostitution rests, your honer."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
200 Likes, 36 Retweets
42) Then
Trumpers: "Truth isn't truth."
Now
Trumpers: "Truth over facts."
Combined: "Truth isn't truth over facts."
WTF?!?
#TruthOverFacts
187 Likes, 46 Retweets
43) "So where's the Clorox kegger going to be tonight?"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
198 Likes, 34 Retweets
44) No snark needed. This is seriously me paraphrasing what The Donald just said.
Trump: "We had no choice. We had a choice. We've never experienced anything like this before. We experienced this in 1917."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus
174 Likes, 54 Retweets
45) For our next demonstration, Ron will attempt to put on a seatbelt. We'll give him 45 minutes. Starting now...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1251300355582935046
177 Likes, 48 Retweets
46) Dear Trumpers:
When you protest #coronavirus lockdowns, what you're really doing is protesting our medical professionals; people's health and well-being; and getting things back to "normal" as quickly as possible in this country.
#coronavirus
175 Likes, 48 Retweets
47) Wait, Obama was president for a 9th year? I really wish he had been, but this is news to me...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/RudyGiuliani/status/1254513987196248065 …
165 Likes, 49 Retweets
47) Wow, the #COVIDIOTS are really out in force today. Jebus...
#TrumpGate #TrumpsJealousOfObama
176 Likes, 38 Retweets
49) Dear #MoscowMitch:
Blue = Voted HRC in '16
Red = Voted DT in '16
- 12 of the top 13 most dependent states on the federal government are red.
- 10 of the top 13 states in population density are blue.
- 8 of the top 14 states in #coronavirus death rate are red.
153 Likes, 60 Retweets
50) Just think, if all of these right-wing conspiracy theories about Obama were true, he'd have to possess magical, almost God-like powers. Wait, are they thereby unintentionally implying that Obama is God? I believe so. Omniscient. Omnipotent. Obama.
#TrumpGate #TrumpsJealousOfObama
157 Likes, 53 Retweets
51) While the US makes up just 4.3% of the world's population, it is currently responsible for 24.9% of #coronavirus deaths.
#TrumpCoronavirusTestFailure
130 Likes, 78 Retweets
51) "Karl Rove accuses Obama of committing ‘political drive-by shooting’ of Trump in commencement speech"
Death count
Trump's incompetence: 90k+
Obama's "political drive-by shooting": 0
"A racist POS."
Who is Karl Rove?
"That is correct."
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/05/karl-rove-accuses-obama-of-committing-political-drive-by-shooting-of-trump-in-commencement-speech/ …
#COVID #coronavirus
159 Likes, 49 Retweets
53) Because the country has already burned down once. Why in the world would I want to rehire the arsonist who started the fire in the first place?
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
169 Likes, 35 Retweets
54) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who thinks about his daughter, as he's having sex with a porn star, while being married to his third wife, who just had a baby.
170 Likes, 31 Retweets
55) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who speaks about only himself during a eulogy.
171 Likes, 25 Retweets
56) For anyone who didn't see the need for statewide #coronavirus lockdowns, just look at the bar-reopening-photos. People are stupid.
164 Likes, 23 Retweets
57) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who, when playing a kid at tic-tac-toe, instead of writing an "x" or an "o" in a square, he draws a giant checkmark across the entire grid, and says, "I win, loser!"
158 Likes, 22 Retweets
7/18/15
Trump: "I like people who weren't captured."
4/21/20
GOP: "We like people who aren't alive."
#coronavirus #DanPatrick
134 Likes, 45 Retweets
58) #DrBright testimony
Democrats: "What did we do wrong?; What can we do to prevent this in the future?; What is your advice for reopening this country in a safe manner?"
Republicans: "Hydroxychloroquine, hydroxychloroquine, hydroxychloroquine - we've heard some say it works!"
128 Likes, 45 Retweets
59) GOP #Coronavirus Response
1) Trump ignores it for 2 months.
2) He plays it down; lies about it; & then deflects blame.
3) Most GOP governors don't take it seriously.
4) While already screwing most of the nation, McConnell tells states to declare bankruptcy.
#VoteBlueToSaveAmerica
123 Likes, 46 Retweets
60) So, let's see if I got this right. #Coronavirus was never a hoax, but Democrats and media outlets reporting facts about it were? Yeah, that can't logically work. You can't simultaneously think a pandemic is real and reports that it's real are false. That's logic 101 right there. https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254174221481246721 …
132 Likes, 32 Retweets
61) Trumper logic
- Trump claims to be taking #Hydroxychloroquine.
- Pelosi says it's not wise for morbidly obese individuals, like Trump, to be taking it.
- Trumpers then decide to call Stacey Abrams morbidly obese.
Psst, she hasn't announced she's taking hydroxychloroquine.
#COVID
133 Likes, 29 Retweets
61) He's right. Nobody has ever done such a job so poorly before.
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/1255225833180082177 …
138 Likes, 24 Retweets
63) BREAKING NEWS: "Due to Trump's Press Briefing Today, the Chicken Dance Shall Now Be Called the Donald Dance"
#ChickenDonald pic.twitter.com/Fg88yppBv3
127 Likes, 32 Retweets
64) "Gun-waving SUV driver crashed car into group paying tribute to Pennsylvania nurses and healthcare workers"
Trump's America, folks... https://www.rawstory.com/2020/05/gun-waving-suv-driver-crashed-car-into-group-paying-tribute-to-pennsylvania-nurses-and-healthcare-workers/ …
#coronavirus
89 Likes, 69 Retweets
65) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who places this picture on the ceiling in his bedroom. pic.twitter.com/b6lLKkIPsU
131 Likes, 26 Retweet
66) "Is it just me or does 'commencement' sound a lot like 'communism'? I don't like that. It's about time we change it to something more better, more smarter. From this day forward, these types of talky things will be known as covfefement speeches, bigly."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
136 Likes, 19 Retweets
67) Doctors were echoing her words all day. Lysol even came out and told the world not to follow your false idol's suggestion. So are you going to respond in the same manner to all of them, or is this just a Hillary thing?
#Coronavirus #Lysol #TrumpIsNotADoctor https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1253885824199987200 …
127 Likes, 26 Retweets
68) I'm now convinced that if a ghost and Dr. Drew had a baby, it'd be Mike Pence.
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus
137 Likes, 14 Retweets
69) Dear Mnuchin:
"Welcome to the Jungle," b*tch! Hey, "Don't Cry." There will be plenty of "November Rain" streaming down your face after the Cheeto-in-Chief loses. That's what happens when you turn a "Paradise City" into the place "Right Next Door to Hell."
#axlrose #coronavirus
124 Likes, 25 Retweets
70) Because when we receive warnings about a crisis in November, I don't want a president to say, "The best thing to do is twiddle our thumbs until March, and then, and only then, will we get serious, bigly."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
107 Likes, 38 Retweets
70) Trump's such an idiot. Yes, he's lying, which is placing people's lives at risk in the process. Yet, if he were telling the truth, #Hydroxychloroquine doesn't treat #COVID19. That'd be like me telling the world I'm taking Pepto-Bismol in case I one day contract AIDS.
117 Likes, 28 Retweets
72) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who shoots someone on 5th Avenue and says, "Hey, it wasn't my fault. His face got in the way."
124 Likes, 20 Retweets
72) I see #WomenForTrump trending. That'd be like saying #WormsForRobins.
124 Likes, 20 Retweets
72) "What is that?!? Up there...in the sky?!? It's a bird; it's a plane; it's a..."
Trump: "Boat! Shoot it down!"
#coronavirus #Iranian #Snark
129 Likes, 15 Retweets
75) Headline: "Trump's been taking hydroxychloroquine"
Conclusion: Donald Trump apparently has malaria.
#COVID19 #coronavirus
133 Likes, 10 Retweets
76) Today's GOP
Trump: "My #pressbriefing ratings during this #coronavirus thingy have just been terrific!"
Kemp: "COVID can be asymptomatic? Since when? Let's go back to work anyway!"
Patrick: "Life is overrated."
Barr: "We don't like governors who try to keep people alive."
#snark
104 Likes, 38 Retweets
77) Generally speaking, why should taxpayers from blue states consistently be bailing out poorly-run red states? Just asking...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254782650679615492 …
111 Likes, 28 Retweets
78) Actual quote: "Get busy living or get busy dying."
GOP's rendition of it: "Get busy dying so us rich, old, white folk can get busy living."
#coronavirus #DanPatrick
107 Likes, 29 Retweets
78) Doctors: "It's better to be safe than sorry."
Trump: "No, it's better to be not sorry than safe."
Doctors: "You mean sorry?"
Trump: "No! I'm never sorry!"
Doctors: "But then you're not making sense."
Trump: "You don't make sense!"
#coronavirus
106 Likes, 30 Retweets
78) Because I don't want to wake up at 3 in the morning; decide to see what's going on in the world of Twitter; and see the "president" tweeting about "smocking guns," "hamberders," and/or "covfefe."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
110 Likes, 26 Retweets
81) Let's compare the #coronavirus problem in the US & Mexico.
Mexico
182 cases/1M pop
17 deaths/1M pop
13,447 recovered (86%)
2,154 deaths (14%)
USA
3,609 cases/1M pop
208 deaths/1M pop
178,934 recovered (72%)
69,008 deaths (28%)
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1257304527843110914 …
82 Likes, 51 Retweets
81) The media just repeat what you say, so if you're saying that they're reporting fake news, you're essentially saying that you're spouting fake news. Just sayin'.
#coronavirus #PressBriefing https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254168730898173953 …
109 Likes, 24 Retweets
81) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who would put an ice cube in a freezer and then say, "You see, kids? I told you global warming was a Chinese hoax."
116 Likes, 17 Retweets
84) Unfortunately, every time Drumpf speaks, tweets, or so much as breathes, he poisons people.
#coronavirus #LysolTrump https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/1253697753479331840 …
113 Likes, 14 Retweets
85) If you get great marks from anybody, it'd be the Grim Reaper.
...and since you love numbers so much, here are a few:
H1N1
- 60.8M cases
- 274k hospitalizations
- 12,469 deaths
#COVID
- 1,350,853 cases
- 147,212 hospitalizations
- 80,125 deaths
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1259450328048709633 …
90 Likes, 35 Retweets
86) I'll probably receive some flak for this, but so be it.
I'm part of the #MeToo movement. As a child, I was victim to sexual abuse; a death threat if I told anyone; and my childhood ended at 8 years of age as a result. One reason I felt shame was because of my gender.
111 Likes, 13 Retweets
87) I noticed a couple of people who posted a similar "Shrek" GIF and it seemed too perfect to pass up. If this doesn't encapsulate the GOP right now (with a few exceptions), I don't know what does.
#coronavirus #danpatrick pic.twitter.com/DHuaF3Kj4V
89 Likes, 33 Retweets
88) Thou shalt not worship any false idol, unless his name rhymes with Ronnie Chump and looks like an obese Cheeto, where the food dye went wrong.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
99 Likes, 22 Retweets
88) Trump: "In addition to the super duper missiles I announced yesterday, I now declare the launch of our new boo-boo bombs. They're going to give so many people so many boo-boos, folks. I know boo-boos. I have the best boo-boos, believe me!"
#SuperDuperMissile #Snark
102 Likes, 19 Retweets
88) "Do you know the orange of the word 'education'? The orange of the word 'education' was some Jewish guy named Ed, who named his cat Ion. True story. True story, folks."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
110 Likes, 11 Retweets
91) In order to make such an asinine claim, you can't know the definition of the term "objectively," because you're objectively wrong regarding your subjective claim about being objective, which is in fact subjective. Got that? There will be a quiz at 7.
#Coronavirus #Crenshaw https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1251873435187281920 …
100 Likes, 20 Retweets
92) Borrowing from "Shrek," here's the new Trump campaign slogan: "Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make."
#coronavirus #ProLife #Snark
89 Likes, 28 Retweets
93) #DanPatrick: "There are more important things than living, like the economy."
Yes, because nothing says "strong economy" like dead people. Idiot.
#coronavirus
90 Likes, 25 Retweets
93) "Trump too busy with 'a lot of things' to prepare for novel coronavirus"
Sweet! I had this on my blame card! Bingo!!! https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-busy-with-things-to-replenish-medical-supplies-coronavirus-2020-5 …
#coronavirus
90 Likes, 25 Retweets
95) If #COVID were a fire, which has killed over 70,000 and is showing no signs of slowing...
Trump: "I think it's time we start to phase out the fire squad. Some people may burn, as I reopen things, but that's a risk I'm willing to take."
#coronavirus #Snark
85 Likes, 28 Retweets
96) Dear "President" Snowflake:
Not once have I told a joke in a sarcastic manner, not come forward about it being such for 24 hours, and then been too embarrassed to talk any more about it. Why? Because that's not how actual sarcasm works. Dotard...
#TrumpPressBriefing
91 Likes, 19 Retweets
97) Trump doesn't know what "deadpan" is. He thinks it's a pan from the kitchen which contracted #COVID.
What "president" makes a joke which could kill people, when the country is already panic-stricken? He's either incredibly sick, incredibly stupid, or both. My money's on both. https://twitter.com/GeraldoRivera/status/1254115884723036161 …
87 Likes, 21 Retweets
98) "White House to wind down coronavirus task force"
It says Birx and Fauci will still be around, but other members of the task force "may be less physically present." Well, they were never mentally present, so what's the difference?
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/white-house-wind-down-coronavirus-task-force-n1200686 …
#coronavirus
81 Likes, 22 Retweets
98) Lord of the Lies
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
92 Likes, 11 Retweets
100) Fact-check
Trump: "Vice President Pence's state, India, is just doing great with #coronavirus. Fantastic numbers."
Not so much...
Total tests/population: 1.030% (31st)
Positive tests/total tests: 17.904% (12th)
Deaths/positive tests: 5.314% (9th)
#PressBriefing #Snark
70 Likes, 30 Retweets
101) Thou shalt live your life as the antithesis of Jesus and use him as a guise in an attempt to shield others from seeing the real you.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
76 Likes, 23 Retweets
102) Trump: "We're reaching out to: blacks, African-Americans, minorities, darker-skinned people from Africa, the blacks, guys from Nambia, browns, between browns and blacks, those from sh*thole countries, my African-American over there, etc."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
80 Likes, 18 Retweets
103) Because when I watch "Caddyshack," and Ty Webb asks Danny Noonan, "Is this Russia? This isn't Russia. Is this Russia?," I want to be able to confidently answer, "F*ck no!"
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
76 Likes, 20 Retweets
104) Most parents: "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Mike Pence's parents: "If everyone else were wearing masks at a clinic during a worldwide pandemic, would you?"
#PenceIsAnIdiot #coronavirus
79 Likes, 13 Retweets
105) Rep. Brooks (IN): "Some people said we didn't have plans for this. We had plans. We had plans. Expecting it to disappear? That's a plan. A miracle happening? That's a plan. So don't tell me we don't have any plans!"
#DrBright #Coronavirus #Snark
70 Likes, 21 Retweets
106) Because I don't want to feel a certain level of guilt when having to tell my son, "Yes, that is who the country elected as president, and I voted for his fraudulent, abusive, narcissistic, sexist, racist, xenophobic, traitorous, pathological lying ass."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
68 Likes, 19 Retweets
107) "Trump says he takes unproven hydroxychloroquine to prevent coronavirus infection"
Oh, great. Does he drink Lysol and stare at the sun without any form of eye protection too? Such a stable genius...
https://www.cnbc.com/2020/05/18/trump-says-he-takes-hydroxychloroquine-to-prevent-coronavirus-infection.html …
#COVID #coronavirus
69 Likes, 17 Retweets
107) Honor thy father and mother by continually mooching millions of dollars off them and telling the world, "I built that!" #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
75 Likes, 11 Retweets
109) Fifty Shades of Cray
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
76 Likes, 8 Retweets
110) Actually, the US ranks 42nd in tests p/1M, so technically, "God" provided greater testing skills to the leaders of the following countries:
Faeroe Islands
Iceland
Falkland Islands
UAE
Gibraltar
Luxembourg
Malta
Bahrain
San Marino
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/
#Coronavirus https://twitter.com/mattgaetz/status/1251290442777399299 …
57 Likes, 24 Retweets
110) Early Saturday GOP notes
- Kneeling is worse than arming
- Saving lives is tyrannical
- Endangering folks is patriotic
- Confession on a podcast is of greater value than confession under oath
- Chuck Woolery can't spell "speech"
#coronavirus
62 Likes, 19 Retweets
110) "I'm gonna call this Operation Warped Speech. After getting these super duper degrees, you all need to reach for the Space Forces, believe me."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
65 Likes, 16 Retweets
113) 45 Shades of Cray
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
68 Likes, 12 Retweets
114) The Audacity of a Dope
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
68 Likes, 10 Retweets
115) The Trumps should really think about going into stand-up after they're released from jail. It'll be called "The Brain-Dead Comedy Tour."
Donald: "I hope you're all drinking disinfectants."
Eric: "You know #COVID? Killer of 90k+? Hoax."
Jr.: "So many pedophiles here tonight..."
64 Likes, 12 Retweets
116) GOP: "Isn't it true that you're fully to blame for the #coronavirus which has killed over 85,000 Americans? Aren't you thereby a murderer? Shouldn't you go to the chair? Oh, time is up. Thank you for your service. Much respect to you."
#DrBright #Snark
58 Likes, 14 Retweets
116) In a way, you're right, but you're leaving out one thing - you're the #1 propagator of fake news.
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1254769296280031232 …
60 Likes, 12 Retweets
118) "Coronavirus: Trump’s disinfectant and sunlight claims fact-checked"
Conclusion? #TrumpIsNotADoctor
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-52399464 …
52 Likes, 19 Retweets
119) Well, I think we now know why each and every product has a WARNING label on it, seeming to state the obvious, as we think to ourselves, "Who could ever be so stupid?" It's because Donald Trump recommended you use it in a way which wasn't intended.
#coronavirus #DonaldTrump #Lysol
56 Likes, 12 Retweets
120) If Trump were at war...
"I hear that paper airplanes can shoot off great, bigly missiles!"
After receiving backlash...
"I was obviously being sarcastic."
Not long after...
Trump goes AWOL.
#ChickenDonald #TrumpIsALaughingStock
#Snark
54 Likes, 13 Retweets
121) If Trump played the role of Forrest Gump...
Trump: "I love you, Jenny."
Jenny: "You don't know what love is."
Trump: "I may not be a smart man, but..."
Jenny: "But what?"
Trump: "Nothing. That was it."
#coronavirus #snark
55 Likes, 11 Retweets
122) Trump's talking about "liberating" Michigan, Minnesota, and Virginia. Really? Here's a #coronavirus breakdown of those states.
Total tests/population
25. MI: 0.985%
37. MN: 0.755%
50. VA: 0.568%
46 Likes, 18 Retweets
122) "I'm gonna teach you something about chron, chronol, okay, time. Didn't I tell you I have the best words? So Obama may have been president before me, but all of your successes up to now are because of me & all your future failures are because of Obama."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
52 Likes, 12 Retweets
122) Trump: "We're doing all sorts of tests. I'm just going to read them all to you. Lots of letters, big, bigly letters: the ABC, DEF, GHI, JKL, CBS, NBC, CNN, ZZZ, and of course, OPP."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
54 Likes, 10 Retweets
125) "So, Craig, what show are you watching to help cheer you up during the awfulness that is 2020? What show makes you feel like there's a better world out there somewhere? 'Seinfeld,' 'Cheers,' 'Friends'?"
"Ozark"
#coronavirus
54 Likes, 7 Retweets
126) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she's a 10, or the guy is polygamous and married to two 5s. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
45 Likes, 14 Retweets
126) "According to Trump Advisor Stephen Moore, Stay-at-Home Order Protesters Are the 'Modern-Day Rosa Parks'"
Yeah, sure, if Rosa Parks had pneumonia and took turns coughing in everyone's face, before sitting back down in the bus. Heroes!
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/according-trump-advisor-stephen-moore-155800372.html …
#coronavirus pic.twitter.com/FXfpubDEi5
47 Likes, 12 Retweets
128) Because I want to watch "Idiocracy" and not think it's the 6 o'clock news.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
51 Likes, 7 Retweets
129) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who has someone wipe his ass before he uses the restroom.
45 Likes, 12 Retweets
129) "Some fancy-ass moral suck-ups will get up here & say they're gonna pay off your student debt. I'm gonna do things a bit differently. One of my porn-star mistresses will be coming around w/a tray. Give whatever you can to help me pay off my Putin debt."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
48 Likes, 9 Retweets
131) "This is going to be the best one of these speech thingies you've ever heard. I did a eulogy one time and I just killed it. Seriously. I stepped on a bunch of ants. Dead. So where was I? Oh, yeah, so this is gonna be the best eulogy ever, believe me!"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
49 Likes, 6 Retweets
132) GA, SC, TN, & TX plan on easing #coronavirus restrictions this week. Here are their combined COVID numbers:
Population: 52,316,025
Total tests: 442,998
Positive tests: 51,910
Deaths: 1,638
40 Likes, 13 Retweets
133) It's the end of the world as we know it and I'm stuck at home.
#SongsThatDescribe2020
42 Likes, 10 Retweets
133) Because I think kids should read; learn; go to school; play outside; catch lightning bugs; just be kids. I don't think they should run the country.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
135) "I remember when I was like one of you, only better. I got the best grades - numbers you've never even seen before. I remember a professor person telling me one time, 'I've never seen so many zeroes before and I study the computer bisexual code thingy.'"
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
46 Likes, 5 Retweets
135) "Thank me. Thank me so much. Wow, what a crowd. This is just tremendous. Did you know there was going to be such a yuge crowd today? You see? This is why I'm gonna beat Sleepy Joe Biden. I mean, look at this. The young people love me. Just tremendous."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
47 Likes, 4 Retweets
137) Make a deal? What, like "If you give me a cure for the #coronavirus, I'll let you get back to work"? So, like a quid pro quo? https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1256202305680158720 …
42 Likes, 8 Retweets
138) Wow, these comments are something else! So, wait, trying to save lives in all communities, including Jewish ones, is akin to what Adolf Hitler did? Okay then...
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/NYCMayor/status/1255309615883063297 …
45 Likes, 3 Retweets
139) Not until today did I ever think to myself, "Soooo, that Mel Brooks movie, 'Spaceballs'? Yeah, that could happen."
Regardless, Trump's schwartz will never be as big as anyone else's. This includes mini-mushrooms.
#SpaceForce #OperationWarpSpeed #SuperDuperMissiles pic.twitter.com/l5mlcbZJVk
37 Likes, 10 Retweets
140) Thou shalt always trust chain emails sent by an Uncle John, titled, "Donald Trump Is the Second Coming of Jesus," over science every time, all of the time.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
38 Likes, 8 Retweets
141) Thou shalt not lie, unless the lie is uttered three times in rapid succession. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
34 Likes, 11 Retweets
141) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who, when playing rock-paper-scissors, is convinced his scissors can cut through your rock.
38 Likes, 7 Retweets
141) Really? What, are we all at the frickin' dentist's or something?
#coronavirus https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1253683467801563138 …
40 Likes, 5 Retweets
144) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who has someone read to him just the last page of a book, and then tweets the ending without a spoiler alert.
35 Likes, 9 Retweets
145) ...and this is why they can't have nice things.
https://www.newsweek.com/kentucky-reports-highest-coronavirus-infection-increase-after-week-protests-reopen-state-1498835 …
#coronavirus
26 Likes, 16 Retweets
145) "I'm gonna do the ABCs, only better than you're used to. A is for Aledictorian. B is for the buzz I got from Adderall. C is for something that starts with 'c.' M is for me. G is for Gesus. Q is for cue sticks. Z is for sleep. N is for end. The end."
#TrumpCommencementSpeech
33 Likes, 9 Retweets
147) I wrote and recorded a new parody, entitled, "Lysol" (to the tune of "Wonderwall").
Today is gonna be a day
I speak gobbledygook to you
By now you should've realized
This is what I f*ckin' do
I don't believe that anybody
Knows what I'm about to do right now
#LysolTrump
39 Likes, 2 Retweets
148) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who does nothing but lie at confession.
37 Likes, 3 Retweets
149) Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless it's about Vladimir Putin tackling a bear with just his right index finger. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
30 Likes, 9 Retweets
150) "Trump says remarks about heat, light, disinfectant were sarcastic"
Now that's funny! Idiot... https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/494519-trump-says-remarks-about-heat-light-disinfectant-were-sarcastic …
#coronavirus #lysol pic.twitter.com/GqIj5ZKVzg
31 Likes, 7 Retweets
151) Thou shalt not steal, unless it's the dignity of the highest office in the land. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
23 Likes, 13 Retweets
152) Yeah, this happened...
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2020/04/24/business/lysol-disinfectant-trump-coronavirus/index.html …
#coronavirus #lysol
25 Likes, 10 Retweets
153) Apparently in Russia, on their slippery-when-wet signs, instead of displaying a liquid next to the message, they showcase a picture of a window.
#coronavirus
32 Likes, 2 Retweets
154) If Trump ever listens to Oasis, I bet you he starts singing, "I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my Lysol."
#Lysol #Trump #Corona
32 Likes, 1 Retweet
155) Trump: "I'm gonna have Mike Pence head a #coronavirus task force. Oh, and PPE? We've got plenty of it, for everybody, no problem."
#PenceIsAnIdiot pic.twitter.com/RAiPraqxIe
25 Likes, 6 Retweets
155) Romeo Pays Hush-Money to Juliet
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
27 Likes, 4 Retweets
157) Trump: "I said I should have all the power. I then said governors should decide what to do. I said we should reopen on Easter. Georgia Governor Kemp said we should open a couple weeks later, and for the record, I think that's too soon."
#PressBriefing #Coronavirus #Snark
22 Likes, 8 Retweets
157) Millions From My Father
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
159) Thou shalt not order a large fry without at least one hamberder.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
27 Likes, 2 Retweets
159) A Dumbf*ck Orange
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
27 Likes, 2 Retweets
159) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who gives a back-scratcher a high-five every morning, in order to make him feel as though his hands are "yuge." pic.twitter.com/09WTDicY7P
28 Likes, 1 Retweet
162) I see #TropicThunder trending because some people are offended by it. This makes me really want to watch "Tropic Thunder" right now. pic.twitter.com/2ndbrL8Pg9
26 Likes, 1 Retweet
163) Thou shalt put self over country, even though by doing that, you hurt yourself and those you love.
#TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
20 Likes, 5 Retweets
163) Given his showing at the Mayo Clinic, I envision Mike Pence showing up in this kind of outfit when he went to swim lessons as a kid.
#PenceIsAnIdiot pic.twitter.com/8zVt4VBysx
23 Likes, 2 Retweets
165) #DonaldTrumpIsTheTypeOfGuy who has vowed to forever boycott the film "Casablanca," because he fervently believes it was created by, stars, and is about Mexican "rapists and drug-dealers" illegally crossing our southern border.
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
166) The First Family is first in so many things, including knowledge about science, as this picture should clearly illustrate.
Trump: "We've got things totally under control."
Obviously...
#Coronavirus #COVIDIOT pic.twitter.com/Wycr60rGAm
20 Likes, 0 Retweets
167) Pride in Prejudice
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
16 Likes, 3 Retweets
168) 538's polling of Trump
March 12
Approve: 42.3%
Disapprove: 53.2%
Net: -10.9%
March 29
Approve: 45.8%
Disapprove: 49.8%
Net: -4.0%
April 21
Approve: 43.8%
Disapprove: 52.4%
Net: -8.6%
https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/trump-approval-ratings/ …
#coronavirus #thebumphasmagicallydisappeared
9 Likes, 6 Retweets
168) The Art of the Misdeal
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
12 Likes, 3 Retweets
168) #TrumpsTheKingOf plastic spades, corrupt clubs, tiny hearts, and fake diamonds.
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
171) To Mock a Journalist
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
12 Likes, 2 Retweets
171) If I Said It: It Wasn't Me. Those Were Fake Words. Word-Hunt. Bigly.
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
14 Likes, 0 Retweets
171) Holy Sh*t: The Bible Featuring Two Corinthians
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
14 Likes, 0 Retweets
174) Thou shalt claim "Home Alone 2" was Oscar-worthy. #TheUnholyCommandmentsOfCult45
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
174) Hmm... According to MSNBC, the $484B relief package is just $484. Then again, with the #MoscowMitch-led Senate and #LysolPresident, I suppose I shouldn't automatically rule that out as a possibility.
#Coronavirus pic.twitter.com/TfD68uGIRY
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
176) The Art of the Steal
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
9 Likes, 2 Retweets
176) Mine Kampf
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
10 Likes, 1 Retweet
178) "Pence defends not wearing face mask during Mayo Clinic visit"
Mike Dunce said he didn't wear a mask because he wanted to be able to look the medical professionals in the eyes. What, did he think the mask looked like this? https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/495107-pence-defends-not-wearing-face-mask-during-mayo-clinic-visit#.XqiXeLYmL_0.twitter …
#Coronavirus pic.twitter.com/UpkQVJ4dQZ
9 Likes, 0 Retweets
179) Of Lies and Spin
#TheTitleOfTrumpsMemoir
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
Totals: 35,799 Likes, 9,912 Retweets (Averages of 200.0 Likes, 55.4 Retweets)
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