Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 47: "The Bass Ackwards Task Force," is now available!
Podcast: "I Feel Snitty"
Episode 47: The Bass Ackwards Task Force
Premiere Date: 5/9/20
Length: 5:09 (807 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-bass-ackwards-task-force/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 47, entitled, “The Bass Ackwards Task Force.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
On January 29th, Donald Trump announced the formation of a Coronavirus task force. At this point in time, there were 0 confirmed COVID-related deaths in this country. On February 26th, with there still being 0 confirmed COVID deaths in the US, Trump announced that Vice President Mike Pence would head the task force and Dr. Deborah Birx would hop aboard this slowly moving rescue train as well.
Fast-forward to May 4th and Trump announced that he was going to begin dwindling down this task force of his. At this point, we weren’t still without a COVID-related death. We had unfortunately experienced over 70,000 of them, without much sign of things slowing. That’d be like a guy, who never wanted to become a father, finally pulling out after 6 months of pregnancy, and telling his significant other, “Well, looks like we have nothing to worry about on the baby front. You look great by the way. Did you do something to your hair? Well, anyway, let’s get back to the way things were – back to normal again, shall we? Great, I’m glad we had this talk!”
Now, I don’t for a split-second think the task force did much of anything. Mike Pence just reiterated Trump’s lies and actually seemed to enjoy kissing the fake president’s backside while the human Cheeto spoke and took questions. Dr. Birx tried to find the perfect balance between telling the public the truth and making Trump come across as the best president in history. Yes, it went about as poorly as it sounds. Here’s how she often came across to me:
“We should all abide by the guidelines set forth by the honorable people at the CDC. Having said that, as you can see, the president is not abiding by those very guidelines, but that’s perfectly okay. You see, the president has a magical immune system, a magical mouth, magical nose, magical eyes. Excuse me, Vice President Pence, can you remove yourself from the president’s derriere for a moment? I think it’s time I took over. Thank you. Oh, but before I do, wash your hands, kids! Now watch me as I kiss the president’s ass without gloves or a mask.”
For as utterly worthless as this task force has been, though, I still find the whole thing funny. It’d be like Trump receiving a warning about a nationwide shootout on a particular date. He sets up a Wild West task force, but doesn’t have them do anything other than compliment him on camera about what a wonderful job he’s doing at telling them to do nothing but compliment him on camera. Then several months after the shootout starts, and over 70,000 are killed as a result, he decides to then tell the world, “Well, it looks like our work here is done.”
When I first heard about this most recent development with regard to the back asswards Coronavirus task force, I couldn’t help but think back to former President George W. Bush’s mission accomplished speech. The wars continued for how many years after that? Yeah… Those were the days! So if nothing else, Donald Trump is a master problem-solver. Given his Coronavirus strategy, I’d expect him to lay out these strategies in the following situations, for my From Snark to Finish segment of the week.
Event: Invasion by Iran
Trump: “This is a fake war. It’s Obama’s fault. They gave the Iranians billions of dollars for some kind of a GI-Joe stamp collection or something. I’ve hired Jared Kushner to lead the Iran task force and once Iran seizes 35 of our 39 states, I’ll ask my son-in-law – the genius – to close down the operation.”
Event: A devastating storm, called Hurricane Dahmer
Trump: “Nobody panic. Nobody even move. Just stay right where you are, especially if you’re at a beach by the ocean. In fact, everyone go to the beach by the ocean. I’ll have a task force ready to drop floaties and deflated rafts to you from one of my very big, very beautiful helicopters. We’ll drop about 4 or 5 of each and then call it a day. Capisce?”
Event: Several airplane crashes within a short duration
Trump: “Look, all you need to know is I’ve hired my good friend – the best man for the job – to oversee what’s going on here. He unfortunately couldn’t be here today, but you’re going to see grave results, that I can tell you. Anyway, some of you may have heard of him. It’s Ray Charles.”
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
Episode 47: The Bass Ackwards Task Force
Premiere Date: 5/9/20
Length: 5:09 (807 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-bass-ackwards-task-force/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 47, entitled, “The Bass Ackwards Task Force.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
On January 29th, Donald Trump announced the formation of a Coronavirus task force. At this point in time, there were 0 confirmed COVID-related deaths in this country. On February 26th, with there still being 0 confirmed COVID deaths in the US, Trump announced that Vice President Mike Pence would head the task force and Dr. Deborah Birx would hop aboard this slowly moving rescue train as well.
Fast-forward to May 4th and Trump announced that he was going to begin dwindling down this task force of his. At this point, we weren’t still without a COVID-related death. We had unfortunately experienced over 70,000 of them, without much sign of things slowing. That’d be like a guy, who never wanted to become a father, finally pulling out after 6 months of pregnancy, and telling his significant other, “Well, looks like we have nothing to worry about on the baby front. You look great by the way. Did you do something to your hair? Well, anyway, let’s get back to the way things were – back to normal again, shall we? Great, I’m glad we had this talk!”
Now, I don’t for a split-second think the task force did much of anything. Mike Pence just reiterated Trump’s lies and actually seemed to enjoy kissing the fake president’s backside while the human Cheeto spoke and took questions. Dr. Birx tried to find the perfect balance between telling the public the truth and making Trump come across as the best president in history. Yes, it went about as poorly as it sounds. Here’s how she often came across to me:
“We should all abide by the guidelines set forth by the honorable people at the CDC. Having said that, as you can see, the president is not abiding by those very guidelines, but that’s perfectly okay. You see, the president has a magical immune system, a magical mouth, magical nose, magical eyes. Excuse me, Vice President Pence, can you remove yourself from the president’s derriere for a moment? I think it’s time I took over. Thank you. Oh, but before I do, wash your hands, kids! Now watch me as I kiss the president’s ass without gloves or a mask.”
For as utterly worthless as this task force has been, though, I still find the whole thing funny. It’d be like Trump receiving a warning about a nationwide shootout on a particular date. He sets up a Wild West task force, but doesn’t have them do anything other than compliment him on camera about what a wonderful job he’s doing at telling them to do nothing but compliment him on camera. Then several months after the shootout starts, and over 70,000 are killed as a result, he decides to then tell the world, “Well, it looks like our work here is done.”
When I first heard about this most recent development with regard to the back asswards Coronavirus task force, I couldn’t help but think back to former President George W. Bush’s mission accomplished speech. The wars continued for how many years after that? Yeah… Those were the days! So if nothing else, Donald Trump is a master problem-solver. Given his Coronavirus strategy, I’d expect him to lay out these strategies in the following situations, for my From Snark to Finish segment of the week.
Event: Invasion by Iran
Trump: “This is a fake war. It’s Obama’s fault. They gave the Iranians billions of dollars for some kind of a GI-Joe stamp collection or something. I’ve hired Jared Kushner to lead the Iran task force and once Iran seizes 35 of our 39 states, I’ll ask my son-in-law – the genius – to close down the operation.”
Event: A devastating storm, called Hurricane Dahmer
Trump: “Nobody panic. Nobody even move. Just stay right where you are, especially if you’re at a beach by the ocean. In fact, everyone go to the beach by the ocean. I’ll have a task force ready to drop floaties and deflated rafts to you from one of my very big, very beautiful helicopters. We’ll drop about 4 or 5 of each and then call it a day. Capisce?”
Event: Several airplane crashes within a short duration
Trump: “Look, all you need to know is I’ve hired my good friend – the best man for the job – to oversee what’s going on here. He unfortunately couldn’t be here today, but you’re going to see grave results, that I can tell you. Anyway, some of you may have heard of him. It’s Ray Charles.”
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
Comments
Post a Comment