I engaged myself in a rather lengthy online conversation last night. It was very interesting, as it was the first time we had communicated in any manner and were extremely open with each other, which was kind of refreshing. I haven't communicated with too many people who are open and honest, especially with regard to women. With women I've generated an interest in over the past year, they've been vague, subtle, giving me more mixed messages than politicians during election season. So, like I said, it was nice having a conversation with someone who I knew wasn't beating around the bush (so to speak...) with what she was telling me.
The conversation eventually wound up centering on the topic of relationships and with that sex. After talking to me about it for a while, she asked why I was so afraid of sex. I'm not. This isn't the first time I've been asked or accused of this and it likely won't be the last. I honestly think that sometimes I'm on the receiving end of such questions and/or accusations because a good majority of people wish they could have been as strong as me when it comes to rejecting people for sex, as a good majority of people have at least one such experience they wish they could take back. I don't have that. I was with one woman for a full year (she stood me up on our one-year anniversary) and another for approximately two years. Since neither relationship worked out, I wish we didn't engage in such things, but considering the fact I thought there was a strong mutual love and trust shared between these two women and myself, I don't look back and cringe at the thought of making a big mistake. However, both women came forward at the end of the relationships and said they used me for said activity and I also discovered they had cheated one me at one point or another in the relationships. I then promised myself to never engage in that again until I found someone I could truly see myself spending the rest of my life with, someone I could walk away from and know she wouldn't be sleeping with some other guy a day or two later, someone I know wouldn't use me in any manner and someone who genuinely loves and trusts me as I do her. Why does this seem to be such a difficult concept for people to grasp? So I don't treat sex as just that. I don't want to go out every weekend with my sole intent being to find a woman to have sex with. So I like to take things slowly on the physical and sexual front when involved in a relationship, not wanting to reach the pinnacle of physical intimacy with a woman until I feel certain we're both ready for that, the possible consequences of said act (pregnancy) and can see the two of us being with one another for the long-term. I can't tell you how many women I've rejected for sex. I was kissing two women (not at once. This would be very difficult) whom I was dating a while back and they both wanted to do the deed, so to speak. I told both of them no. With the first one, it was very early in the relationship and we had both been drinking some that night, so I backed away and said I didn't think we should do that yet. In the other situation, the woman and I had kind of been going back and forth on the notion of officially dating. It was complicated as we lived many miles apart (Nebraska, where I'm from and Ohio, where I currently reside). I often got the vibe she wasn't telling me something or was lying to me, so when she and I began kissing one night, she told me to get condoms out of her purse and I stopped kissing her, backed away and said I wasn't going to do that. I didn't drink much that night, but she had. I didn't think it would have been smart of me to engage in that with her knowing full well we were still deep in contemplation on where to take the relationship and that would have complicated matters even further. I don't think it would have been right of me, because even though I'm sure she genuinely wanted to do that, I would have felt guilty knowing full well she was intoxicated and I wasn't. Lastly, I would still have felt like she wasn't telling me something and would likely feel sick if I engaged in it with her, not knowing if I even wanted to go through with it. My gut was right and she had been lying to me quite a bit. Over the past several months, 1 out of 2 times I've gone out on Friday and/or Saturday nights, I've been propositioned by women. I've told them no every time. I didn't know these women prior to that night. I'm not interested in one-night stands. I know nothing about them. I have no idea where they've been, if they're clean, if they're involved in a serious relationship, etc. Why would I risk so much for temporary pleasure? Why does all of this equate to me being afraid of sex? Perhaps I'm one of the few who still believe it to be something sacred, special and to be experienced between people who genuinely love one another. Perhaps I'm old-school on that front. In any case, I don't, for one second, regret rejecting these women, not giving in to the temptation of sex with women I didn't feel something special for/with and waiting until I do. People can think of me as being afraid, of being prude, of being gay. I really don't care. I'm fully comfortable with the decisions I've made and am proud of myself for being stronger than most people when it comes to resisting the temptation of sex. I honestly wish there were more people around my age who felt similarly. Hopefully I can one day find a person who shares a similar outlook.
The conversation eventually wound up centering on the topic of relationships and with that sex. After talking to me about it for a while, she asked why I was so afraid of sex. I'm not. This isn't the first time I've been asked or accused of this and it likely won't be the last. I honestly think that sometimes I'm on the receiving end of such questions and/or accusations because a good majority of people wish they could have been as strong as me when it comes to rejecting people for sex, as a good majority of people have at least one such experience they wish they could take back. I don't have that. I was with one woman for a full year (she stood me up on our one-year anniversary) and another for approximately two years. Since neither relationship worked out, I wish we didn't engage in such things, but considering the fact I thought there was a strong mutual love and trust shared between these two women and myself, I don't look back and cringe at the thought of making a big mistake. However, both women came forward at the end of the relationships and said they used me for said activity and I also discovered they had cheated one me at one point or another in the relationships. I then promised myself to never engage in that again until I found someone I could truly see myself spending the rest of my life with, someone I could walk away from and know she wouldn't be sleeping with some other guy a day or two later, someone I know wouldn't use me in any manner and someone who genuinely loves and trusts me as I do her. Why does this seem to be such a difficult concept for people to grasp? So I don't treat sex as just that. I don't want to go out every weekend with my sole intent being to find a woman to have sex with. So I like to take things slowly on the physical and sexual front when involved in a relationship, not wanting to reach the pinnacle of physical intimacy with a woman until I feel certain we're both ready for that, the possible consequences of said act (pregnancy) and can see the two of us being with one another for the long-term. I can't tell you how many women I've rejected for sex. I was kissing two women (not at once. This would be very difficult) whom I was dating a while back and they both wanted to do the deed, so to speak. I told both of them no. With the first one, it was very early in the relationship and we had both been drinking some that night, so I backed away and said I didn't think we should do that yet. In the other situation, the woman and I had kind of been going back and forth on the notion of officially dating. It was complicated as we lived many miles apart (Nebraska, where I'm from and Ohio, where I currently reside). I often got the vibe she wasn't telling me something or was lying to me, so when she and I began kissing one night, she told me to get condoms out of her purse and I stopped kissing her, backed away and said I wasn't going to do that. I didn't drink much that night, but she had. I didn't think it would have been smart of me to engage in that with her knowing full well we were still deep in contemplation on where to take the relationship and that would have complicated matters even further. I don't think it would have been right of me, because even though I'm sure she genuinely wanted to do that, I would have felt guilty knowing full well she was intoxicated and I wasn't. Lastly, I would still have felt like she wasn't telling me something and would likely feel sick if I engaged in it with her, not knowing if I even wanted to go through with it. My gut was right and she had been lying to me quite a bit. Over the past several months, 1 out of 2 times I've gone out on Friday and/or Saturday nights, I've been propositioned by women. I've told them no every time. I didn't know these women prior to that night. I'm not interested in one-night stands. I know nothing about them. I have no idea where they've been, if they're clean, if they're involved in a serious relationship, etc. Why would I risk so much for temporary pleasure? Why does all of this equate to me being afraid of sex? Perhaps I'm one of the few who still believe it to be something sacred, special and to be experienced between people who genuinely love one another. Perhaps I'm old-school on that front. In any case, I don't, for one second, regret rejecting these women, not giving in to the temptation of sex with women I didn't feel something special for/with and waiting until I do. People can think of me as being afraid, of being prude, of being gay. I really don't care. I'm fully comfortable with the decisions I've made and am proud of myself for being stronger than most people when it comes to resisting the temptation of sex. I honestly wish there were more people around my age who felt similarly. Hopefully I can one day find a person who shares a similar outlook.
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