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A personal ad brought to you by Louie Gohmert

The Daily Show's "Moment of Zen" cracked me up last night. The show's nightly final segment featured Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (Republican), who, when speaking about illegal immigration said this:

"Come some night with me and sit out at the border, one, two, three in the morning - dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, rattlesnakes..."

For some reason, when hearing Gohmert utter this line, I immediately thought of a strange personal ad:

"If interested, I'd love for you to join me on a long romantic walk on the beach..."

Instead of using that cliched line, however, Gohmert went a different route. In fact, when reading that line again, I envision Gohmert engaging in the following back-and-forth with a woman on a dating site:

Pattie B. Kinky: "What was your name again, big boy?"

Louie Gohmert: "Louie, Louie Goh... You can just call me Louie."

Pattie: "So, Louie, what do you like to do for fun, if you know what I mean?"

Louie: "Oh, you know - the usual: Watching reality television, eating fast food, hunting squirrels, getting my kids to try and teach me how to read gooder."

Pattie: "That's not what I meant. Anyway, so, do you like romancing a woman?"

Louie: "I'm the most romantic guy this side of Rush Limbaugh if that tells you anything!"

Pattie: "Hasn't he been married a few times?"

Louie: "Yup - that's because the women love him. He's known as Mr. Romance. Why he hasn't gotten a leading role in one of those rom-crom Hollywood movies is beyond me!"

Pattie: "I like you, Louie. How would you like to go out sometime? Would you like that? Would you like to romance me? How would you do it?"

Louie: "You know what? Yes, I would love that, Pattie B. Kinky. I've got the perfect idea too! I've always wanted to do this with a woman..."

Pattie: "Really? Is it getting hot in here?"

Louie: "Well, we are in Texas, and it is August, so yeah, probably."

Pattie: "No... Nevermind... Please go on... What were you going to say? How will you romance me, sweep me off my feet, and get me in ultimate mood for..."

Louie: ::cuts her off:: "Alright, I'll tell you. Come some night with me and sit out at the border, one, two, three in the morning - dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, rattlesnakes..."

Pattie: "That sounds, mm, interesting..."

Louie: "I know - don't it? So, what do you say?"

Pattie: "I say you can check out those dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, and rattlesnakes by yourself. I'm in desperate need of a 'snake,' but not one that rattles! Goodbye!"

:: blocks him ::

Louie: ::mumbles to himself:: "What? Did I say something wrong? Hmm... I just don't get women sometimes."

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/o05dzv/moment-of-zen---come-to-the-border-with-me
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