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Chris Long cyber-smacks TMZ, I mean, ESPN

As I've said previously, there are times ESPN appears to be a hybrid of themselves and TMZ. Nowhere was that clearer than recently, when ESPN reporter Josina Anderson inquired St. Louis Rams players about openly gay teammate Michael Sam's showering habits. She then reported her findings to ESPN, saying that an anonymous player contended that "Sam is respecting our space," while both defensive tackle Kendall Langford and linebacker Alec Ogletree told her that they "weren't tracking" their openly gay teammate's showering habits.

In response to the report, Rams defensive end Chris Long tweeted this message:

"Dear ESPN,

Everyone but you is over it."

First off, kudos to Chris Long and the St. Louis Rams players for reacting in the manner they did. Secondly, shame on ESPN for running with this non-story they're attempting to make into a story.

Sadly, ESPN has become the combination of a sports channel, a celebrity gossip magazine, and a top 40 radio station. Sure, they still air their fair share of sporting events. However, they've also decided to go the 24-hour-news-network route and report rumors or gossip which have fewer credible sources to back them up than I have mini-skirts (no, I don't have any). Lastly, they tend to obsess over one to three stories for such a long period of time that even those whom liked the stories at first grow to hate them when things are all said and done.

Michael Sam being the first openly gay player to get drafted and possibly play in the NFL (regular season) is a great story and I sincerely hope the guy either doesn't get cut by the Rams or gets signed elsewhere, is given a chance at this level, and ultimately succeeds. However, even though this is a great story, there are such things as overkill and WTF-reporting (yes, trademark that). Michael Sam may be a great story for ESPN, as it generates controversy, discussion, and through that, ratings. However, are there any other players about which ESPN asks of their shower habits? Really? I highly doubt it. I can't ever imagine ESPN engaging in the following back-and-forth with a reportedly heterosexual player:

ESPN: "Great game out there today!"

Tom Brady: "Thanks. We had a great game-plan and just kind of stuck to it, you know? For the most part, we executed very well."

ESPN: "For as well as the offense is playing right now, do you still think there's still room for improvement?"

Brady: "Of course... I mean, you're never perfect as an offense. There are always some little things you see while watching tape, where you think, 'Ah, I could have done that better. I'll have to work on that,' because you never know when that slight mistake could cost you in a big game."

ESPN: "What are your thoughts on your next opponent and how you match up with them?"

Brady: "Well, I mean, under Rex Ryan, the Jets defense has always been tough. We'll definitely have to watch some tape so we can help pick up the blitz, set effective audibles, and try to find a way to be one step ahead of them so we can score some points and win the game."

ESPN: "Have you ever caught one of your teammates staring at your junk while taking a shower?"

Brady: "Wait... what?"

ESPN: "Even just a slight peek? Have you ever done that and just thought, 'Man, that thing is fricking huge?' or tiny or whatever?"

Brady: "Uh... Why are you asking this? We were just talking about the game and now... What are you trying to accomplish here?"

ESPN: "Just following my notes here... Ask Tom Brady about shower habits. So, what kind of shampoo do you use and what part of your body you wash first? Are there any certain ways you wash yourself which you think are more effective than others? If so, could you draw us a picture of the technique?"

Brady: "I think I'm going to go..."

ESPN: "But wait! One more question! Who has the nicest butt on the team? We here at ESPN have the right to know!"

Brady: :: moons the reporter ::

ESPN: "Well, that answers that question then."


With how ESPN is trending on their reports regarding Michael Sam, I have to wonder if they'll one day sit down with Sam for this lovely interview:

ESPN: "Hey there Michael. Thanks for taking part in this interview. How's it going for you today?"

Michael Sam: "Good, good. Thanks for having me."

ESPN: "So, let's get right down to it, Michael. As a gay man, what's it like wrapping your arms around guys and pummeling them to the ground for a living?"

Sam: "Eh... I love football, just like everyone else in this league."

ESPN: "Yeah, we all figured that much. But, I mean, has there ever been a time when you tackled a man you thought was extremely attractive and just wanted to stay on top of him for a while?"

Sam: "No... What kind of a question is that? Football is my job. The love of my life, my boyfriend, is the only person I..."

ESPN: "Oh, let's skip those details. Let's go a different route with this conversation."

Sam: "Good"

ESPN: "Hold on one minute there. Okay, so what I wanted to ask you was, have you ever been patted on the backside by one of your teammates and become aroused?"

Sam: "No. They're my teammates, like brothers to me, and when one of them does that, it just means I did well, and I appreciate that. That's all it is."

ESPN: "But you probably like it more than most other guys in the league, right? I mean, come on, let's be honest for a moment here..."

Sam: "No" :: folds arms and flexes his biceps while doing this ::

ESPN: "Getting short with me now, are you? Okay... Well, I just have a couple more questions to ask. Would that be alright?"

Sam: "I suppose..."

ESPN: "Fantastic! So, who's your biggest man-crush?"

Sam: "I'm not doing this anymore..."

ESPN: "But, wait! I'm not finished! Just one more question! Have you ever gotten an erection over a woman before, and if so, what's her name, address, and phone number?"

Sam: :: flips off the reporter ::

ESPN: "Well, that wasn't very mature or professional..."

Exactly...

http://thinkprogress.org/sports/2014/08/26/3476114/espn-asks-rams-players-if-they-are-showering-with-michael-sam/

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