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What I learned in Week 7 of the NFL season...

In Week 7 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...countless untimed downs is infinitely more possible than Jerry Jones becoming a member of Black Lives Matter.

- ...all the Chicago Bears want for Christmas is a quarterback who throws fewer times in a game than we have Leap Years in a decade.

- ...if the Cleveland Browns played against themselves, they'd find a way to go a combined 0-2.

- ...Andrew Luck may start complaining about hangnails, papercuts, and vaginitis in order to not start behind center for the hapless Colts.

- ...it was Ezekiel Elliott's New Year's resolution to be suspended for and play every game this season.

- ...the Cincinnati Bengals may soon ask hide-and-seekers Le'Veon Bell and JuJu Smith-Schuster how to find their offense.

- ...looking at quarterbacks funny typically results in a 15-yard penalty, especially if the quarterback's name rhymes with "Dom Gady."

- ...Jay Cutler looks happier when walking injured to the locker room than he does when playing.

- ...nothing says AFC Championship game preview more than Matt Moore vs. Josh McCown.

- ...Marshawn Lynch is apparently a family man.

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