In a series of posts, I will be previewing my upcoming book, The Kind-Hearted Smartass: Volume 3: Maybe The Best of the Trilogy. Here is part 3 of that preview:
Contents
A Fictional Foreward - p. 8
Chapter 1 - Making Dictionaries Cool Again
Trebek: “This is sodomy.” Tinder CEO: “What is, ‘I don’t know?’” - p. 9
Chuffed about British slang - p. 10
The next "hangry" could be... - p. 13
Ending sentences with "but" or "so" is "so" not okay, without any "buts..." - p. 16
How I love one-word comments… - p. 21
The new four-letter word, “elitism” - p. 23
I feel sorry for women named Karma - p. 24
An unintentionally ambiguous headline - p. 26
Chapter 2 - “Welcome. You have mail.” …about penis enlargements.
Silly picture trends... - p. 28
What if an online dating site were actually a bar? - p. 30
If you copy and paste this picture, Mark Zuckerberg is going to... - p. 37
The Top Ten Times When You Shouldn't Take a Selfie - p. 38
Facebook: To "like," or not to "like," that is the question... - p. 39
Facebook statuses to avoid... - p. 40
A stupid meme for the ages - p. 46
Sarcastic Online IQ Test - p. 50
...and the winner for best child according to Facebook goes to... - p. 54
"The difference between high school in 1970 and 2015" is common sense, research, and evolution... - p. 55
Chapter 3 - What Not To Talk About On Thanksgiving…
If marriage were like Congress... - p. 62
Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump square off! - p. 65
Ben Stein: "Michael Brown was armed with big and scary arms and stuff..." - p. 71
That time when a South Carolina Sheriff compared the NAACP to the KKK - p. 74
Richard Cohen has a race problem - p. 76
The award for the Most Ridiculous Article of the Year (maybe of all-time) goes to the National
Review's Victor Davis Hanson - p. 80
The Top Ten "Koch" Brothers Slogans - p. 90
No means yes? Sometimes, according to Rush Limbaugh... - p. 91
Democrats are with emails what obsessive boyfriends are with text messages... - p. 94
A nonsensical Bernie Sanders meme - p. 97
The oddity of "pro-life" parents being against comprehensive sex education - p. 99
A conversation with Ms. Plagiarist, Melania Trump - p. 103
Having fun with Joe Biden's gaffes, I mean, honesty (okay, they're kind of one and the same...) -
p. 105
Chapter 4 - Thoughts, Prayers, and Shit
"God-fearing..." - p. 108
So, Kentucky churches are giving free guns away to convert nonbelievers... - p. 112
When the tables are turned on "religious freedom"... - p. 114
Sin City hosts a "Choose Purity" event... - p. 117
Celebrities: "I'd like to thank God for..." - p. 120
Chapter 5 - Mo’ Balls, Mo’ Problems
ESPN plays "The Dating Game" with Tim Tebow and Johnny Manziel - p. 122
Vikings special teams coach Mike Priefer - "Nuke the gays!" - p. 126
Chris Long cyber-smacks TMZ, I mean, ESPN - p. 128
A funny Washington "Redskins" poll - p. 132
The research is in - Jerry Jones needs his head checked! - p. 134
Chapter 6 - 1 Out of 50 Dentists Recommend This
Flonase: "Six is greater than one!" No shit... - p. 137
What do women want? Just ask "Jeopardy”… - p. 138
Punxsutawney Phil wrong yet again - p. 140
Chapter 7 - …and the Oscar for Best Haircut of a Bald Man goes to…
Batman + Superman = Supersuck - p. 143
The foreshadowing of Idiocracy - p. 146
The foreshadowing of Idiocracy: Part Deux - p. 150
Chapter 8 - You Can’t Spell “Jazz Flutes Are Sexy” Without “Sexy,” “Jazz,” “Flutes,” or “Are”
Scarborough: "Trump and Prince are like twins!" - p. 153
According to one music critic, Marilyn Manson has released a country album... - p. 154
Lorde's "Royals" song gets temporarily banned in San Francisco - p. 155
Chapter 9 - The Sun Revolves the Flat Earth
Americans: "Africa? Huh? What is that, like, a country or something?" - p. 158
The Dutch + Holland + Amsterdam + the Netherlands = Confused Americans - p. 160
Chapter 10 - Oh, Look, a Squirrel!
Introductions at clubs vs. introductions everywhere else - p. 163
"If you question America, you hate America!" Uh, no... - p. 166
When closet racists come out and then deny they were ever in to begin with... - p. 168
Owning up to mistakes has gone the way of the dodo bird - p. 171
"It's unknown at this time whether or not the victim (fill-in-the-blank)..." - p. 174
Men really are idiotic a-holes sometimes... - p. 175
TGI Fridays + mistletoe drones + a kiss cam = TGIF 'n' A (Thank God It's Friday 'n' Awkward) -
p. 177
References - p. 183
Acknowledgements - p. 193
About the Author - p. 194
While awaiting my new book, feel free to check out my other works at the following two sites:
Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thetaoofroz
Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
Contents
A Fictional Foreward - p. 8
Chapter 1 - Making Dictionaries Cool Again
Trebek: “This is sodomy.” Tinder CEO: “What is, ‘I don’t know?’” - p. 9
Chuffed about British slang - p. 10
The next "hangry" could be... - p. 13
Ending sentences with "but" or "so" is "so" not okay, without any "buts..." - p. 16
How I love one-word comments… - p. 21
The new four-letter word, “elitism” - p. 23
I feel sorry for women named Karma - p. 24
An unintentionally ambiguous headline - p. 26
Chapter 2 - “Welcome. You have mail.” …about penis enlargements.
Silly picture trends... - p. 28
What if an online dating site were actually a bar? - p. 30
If you copy and paste this picture, Mark Zuckerberg is going to... - p. 37
The Top Ten Times When You Shouldn't Take a Selfie - p. 38
Facebook: To "like," or not to "like," that is the question... - p. 39
Facebook statuses to avoid... - p. 40
A stupid meme for the ages - p. 46
Sarcastic Online IQ Test - p. 50
...and the winner for best child according to Facebook goes to... - p. 54
"The difference between high school in 1970 and 2015" is common sense, research, and evolution... - p. 55
Chapter 3 - What Not To Talk About On Thanksgiving…
If marriage were like Congress... - p. 62
Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump square off! - p. 65
Ben Stein: "Michael Brown was armed with big and scary arms and stuff..." - p. 71
That time when a South Carolina Sheriff compared the NAACP to the KKK - p. 74
Richard Cohen has a race problem - p. 76
The award for the Most Ridiculous Article of the Year (maybe of all-time) goes to the National
Review's Victor Davis Hanson - p. 80
The Top Ten "Koch" Brothers Slogans - p. 90
No means yes? Sometimes, according to Rush Limbaugh... - p. 91
Democrats are with emails what obsessive boyfriends are with text messages... - p. 94
A nonsensical Bernie Sanders meme - p. 97
The oddity of "pro-life" parents being against comprehensive sex education - p. 99
A conversation with Ms. Plagiarist, Melania Trump - p. 103
Having fun with Joe Biden's gaffes, I mean, honesty (okay, they're kind of one and the same...) -
p. 105
Chapter 4 - Thoughts, Prayers, and Shit
"God-fearing..." - p. 108
So, Kentucky churches are giving free guns away to convert nonbelievers... - p. 112
When the tables are turned on "religious freedom"... - p. 114
Sin City hosts a "Choose Purity" event... - p. 117
Celebrities: "I'd like to thank God for..." - p. 120
Chapter 5 - Mo’ Balls, Mo’ Problems
ESPN plays "The Dating Game" with Tim Tebow and Johnny Manziel - p. 122
Vikings special teams coach Mike Priefer - "Nuke the gays!" - p. 126
Chris Long cyber-smacks TMZ, I mean, ESPN - p. 128
A funny Washington "Redskins" poll - p. 132
The research is in - Jerry Jones needs his head checked! - p. 134
Chapter 6 - 1 Out of 50 Dentists Recommend This
Flonase: "Six is greater than one!" No shit... - p. 137
What do women want? Just ask "Jeopardy”… - p. 138
Punxsutawney Phil wrong yet again - p. 140
Chapter 7 - …and the Oscar for Best Haircut of a Bald Man goes to…
Batman + Superman = Supersuck - p. 143
The foreshadowing of Idiocracy - p. 146
The foreshadowing of Idiocracy: Part Deux - p. 150
Chapter 8 - You Can’t Spell “Jazz Flutes Are Sexy” Without “Sexy,” “Jazz,” “Flutes,” or “Are”
Scarborough: "Trump and Prince are like twins!" - p. 153
According to one music critic, Marilyn Manson has released a country album... - p. 154
Lorde's "Royals" song gets temporarily banned in San Francisco - p. 155
Chapter 9 - The Sun Revolves the Flat Earth
Americans: "Africa? Huh? What is that, like, a country or something?" - p. 158
The Dutch + Holland + Amsterdam + the Netherlands = Confused Americans - p. 160
Chapter 10 - Oh, Look, a Squirrel!
Introductions at clubs vs. introductions everywhere else - p. 163
"If you question America, you hate America!" Uh, no... - p. 166
When closet racists come out and then deny they were ever in to begin with... - p. 168
Owning up to mistakes has gone the way of the dodo bird - p. 171
"It's unknown at this time whether or not the victim (fill-in-the-blank)..." - p. 174
Men really are idiotic a-holes sometimes... - p. 175
TGI Fridays + mistletoe drones + a kiss cam = TGIF 'n' A (Thank God It's Friday 'n' Awkward) -
p. 177
References - p. 183
Acknowledgements - p. 193
About the Author - p. 194
While awaiting my new book, feel free to check out my other works at the following two sites:
Paperback: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thetaoofroz
Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO
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